As I said in my previous post, our story and the details leading up to this baby are meant to be shared. The Lord clearly spoke that to me just days after I found out I was carrying another miracle. He spoke to me that His glory and His power are displayed and manifested through all the details.
One of my dear friends and mentors, a woman of God, within minutes of hearing that I was pregnant, looked me square in the eyes, and said "This baby is the breakthrough that you've been praying for. And this baby will bring breakthrough to others." And I firmly believe that to be true, even as this baby is growing in my womb. The breakthrough I needed was total and utter trust in God, surrender in my heart, praising and thanking Him for who He is and not just His hand. And through our story, I believe others will experience breakthrough.
As you browse through my blog, you can see that our journey to conceive Evelyn was a difficult one. We tried on our own for a year, and then sought the help of a fertility clinic for an additional year. Through the clinic, I had many tests and procedures done, and was given the diagnosis of anovulatory infertility (my body does not ovulate, I don't get periods) and it was labeled unexplained. So after several rounds of treatments, we became pregnant with Evelyn. And she is our first miracle. And I want to be clear on one thing - fertility treatments did not get me pregnant, a miracle of the Lord did.
After Evelyn was born in October of 2011, my husband and I had the conversation about having more children. We did not want to wait. So we decided to not "prevent" at all, hoping that I would be pregnant within the year, hoping that the first pregnancy "fixed" my body and would somehow kick my body into working correctly. And the Lord specifically spoke to both of us that we were not to seek any treatments or any medical help this time - fertility treatments had been my way of controlling the situation, almost like I thought I'd just take everything in my own hands. But this time, He spoke, and we obeyed - He told us that it would all be by His hand, that He would be our healer, helper, and would receive ALL of the credit. He was growing my faith, trust, obedience, and belief through that.
Surrender.
So a year went by. We were now celebrating our dear Evelyn's first birthday. And there was a longing in my heart. In my "plan," I had wanted to be pregnant by then. But, my body only did around 4 cycles in that year, making it impossible to time things.
I remember it was heavy on my heart one Sunday in late October, and we headed to church. Worship was amazing, but I didn't feel like worshipping. And the guest preacher, during his message, walked over to me and said "God is already ahead of a situation in your life. Believe it." My heart lurched. That statement was vague, but in that moment, it meant the world to me. God was once again increasing my belief.
Now fast forward to Spring of 2013. We sat down to dinner with our dear pastor friends, and as I poured out my heart about my desire for another child, our pastor's wife told me that this time needed to be a time of thanksgiving and joy for who our God is. And to rest in that. I listened, and agreed, but I honestly felt like that was a daunting challenge. And so I prayed. I dug into the word. I listened for the Lord. And through that time, the Lord shaped and molded so many things in my life, and spoke many things to me, not necessarily having to do with a baby, but more importantly, my spiritual relationship with Him. It felt like a season of open heaven releasing revelation after revelation to me.
On April 28, we had Evelyn dedicated. As our Pastor was praying over Evelyn, he began to pray this over me
"We release as you said over Hannah, God you are the one who opens and closes the womb, so Lord God, we ask that you open the womb for Rachel. Because Lord, you have more. Church, would you agree with me right now for more children? God we thank you for more right now. And we say that no weapon will form against her in the name of Jesus."
Every time I listen to that prayer, I weep for joy, thanksgiving. It was amazing, humbling, to have my entire church body stretch their hands and stand in agreement for more children. Our friends, our family, have stood beside us, lifting us in prayer, holding up our tired arms. Those prayers of the many saints would be answered.
In mid June of 2013, we again sat down with our pastor friends. I shared my frustrations with my body not working properly and not ovulating. And I remember Pastor Arnie looked at me right in the eyes and said "Are you thankful for your womb? Have you given thanks for it?" And
bam, smack. That hit me. I had not. In all actuality, I had been cursing my womb, saying things like "why don't you work properly?" "What's wrong with me?" And that moment was a complete shift for me. I realized that the Lord made my body in His image, to function as it was made to do. And through my words, I had been condemning and cursing the very thing that He created to work perfectly. Perhaps I was standing in the way of my own fertility. There is power of death and life in the tongue. It's as if I had embraced infertility as a part of who I was, a part of my identity. So from then on out, I began to speak blessing over my body, thanksgiving over my womb. Because the truth is, I do not believe for one second that the Lord caused infertility. Only good and perfect things come from the Lord, and infertility is not good or perfect. I wanted to give credit where credit is due - we have a real enemy who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, and he knows that the minute I would have a child, we would give it right back to the Lord. I always wondered why so many believers have dealt with infertility and miscarriage. The enemy knows that children of christian parents are a threat, that we are raising the next generation in greater power and authority - so he does everything in his power to prevent them from even entering this world. Well, I was not having that. At all.
What the enemy intended for harm, God worked to the good.
Just days before that meeting with our Pastor in June, I had a clear and precise dream. I believe it was from the Lord, because whenever I dream prophetically, they are incredibly vivid and clear, and the Lord gives me the discernment to know when it's from Him. In the dream, I was talking to my friend Sheree about how God dumped the name "Evelyn" on us, and now He did the same with the name "----" (not going to share the name quite yet.) And the name just happened to have huge, amazing meaning for our situation. I shared that dream with Sheree, and found out that in the same week, she had been having dreams and visions about her and I sitting and talking about babies. Also, that same week, my mother in law dreamt that we announced we were pregnant. It's amazing to me how the Lord speaks to us in our dreams. They are not coincidence. And let me just say, that Sheree, I believe, was a mouthpiece of God, honestly and firmly coming alongside of us to take me to the place of joy and thanksgiving, for even being thankful for my womb.
It was July 23. I was live streaming a Jesus Culture conference. They were talking briefly about healing, and one of the points was "even if you feel 30 percent healed, give thanks, because our God is a god of fullness and completeness. The other 70 percent is coming because of the completeness of Christ." I loved this. I soaked it in and gave thanks. Because getting a period here or there was my 30 percent. And I believed that my 70 percent was coming. And it was.
Just a few days after that, some pregnancies of people that I know were announced. And I felt downright attacked from the enemy. I was happy to hear about new life, but at the same time, the enemy was whispering lies, jealousy, bitterness, envy. I felt like I had been in a great place of choosing thanksgiving and joy, and then it hit me. Was praying so hard actually striving? I thought "maybe I am striving. Maybe I should be in a place of just resting in Him because of the coming miracle, and not so focused on the prayers of 'please God' or feeling like I had to fight for a miracle." I realized that I had been begging God for a baby, when He already knew my heart and desires. And God clearly, so clearly, responded immediately. And I was shocked at His response, because I never thought I would hear this from God. I audibly heard his voice - He told me to stop praying. To instead trust, and be in thanksgiving for who He is. I thought this would be difficult to stop praying for the thing I wanted most, but He made it easy. And my worship totally changed. I saw Him in a whole new way, I saw His heart, I saw who He is. And all I could do was fall at His feet and worship Him because of who He is. I allowed Him to literally swoop in and take total and utter control. He changed me. In a matter of weeks. And a miracle was coming.
On August 11, about 3 weeks after the Lord told me to stop praying, we were in worship at church. My dear friend Cori, who knew no details about what had been going on in the past year in regards to babies, placed her hand on my tummy and prayed. The Lord gave her a picture that the start button was being pushed on the production line, that there was newness, and a hospitable environment was being formed. She even felt a baby as she touched my stomach. I was in tears, thankful that God gave her this prophetic picture to remind me of His control, His sovereignty. Little did we know at that time that indeed, the production was beginning at that very moment.
On August 22, I blogged a post called "
Great is Thy Faithfulness." This happened about a week after Cori's prayers for me. Here is an excerpt -
A couple days ago, I felt the need to take a pregnancy test. I had been feeling some different symptoms. Usually I hype myself up to the point of panic before I take a test, because I've been so used to so many negatives. But as I got ready and took the test, peace and rest was all over my bathroom. I set the test on the counter, and got ready to hop in the shower.
On my way to the shower, I looked, and it was negative.
My heart didn't even sink, like so many previous times.
I didn't question God.
I didn't even ask "why?"
In fact, I felt a song rising up out of my heart, like warm liquid worship; I didn't even think, and I felt utterly in His Spirit, almost outside of myself -
and I found myself singing out from my heart and soul
"Great is thy faithfulness, Lord God my Father.
There is no shadow of turning with thee.
Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not.
As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be.
Great is thy Faithfulness. Great is thy Faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed thy hand hath provided.
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
And my heart sang it, over and over, and it overflowed to a roaring, intense melody
coming out of my lips.
It was loud, and strong, and my ears heard it and my eyes saw it.
And I thanked the Lord. For a failed test. So my heart could sing His praise in thanksgiving and joy for who He is, and who I am in Him.
I praised God for that failed pregnancy test, because I was able to pour out from my spirit my worship for His faithfulness. No matter what.
And throughout all of these months, my husband would wake up regularly in the night. And he would pray over my womb. I know he shook the atmosphere with those nights of intercession. He battled in the night, and proclaimed the Father's faithfulness in the dark hours. He is a man of God.
September 9. I read my dear friend Christy's blog about healing in her life, and was able to rejoice and be reminded of our God's sovereignty. And in that moment, I needed to hear her words and be encouraged once again. Little did I know what the next day would hold.
September 10. I had been feeling off for a few days. So I decided to take a test. And it quickly and clearly showed that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I wept. I praised God. And I stared at the test, rubbing my eyes, thinking "can this really be true?"
As I said before, I don't get regular periods. At all. Since having Evelyn, (almost two years!) I can count on my hands the number of times I've gotten a period. And sometimes the cycles were 90+ days, 33 days, 62 days. There was no way of telling. Which meant no way of knowing when I ovulated. So timing was completely out of our hands. Again,
surrender.
But on the cycle that I got pregnant, I'm pretty sure I knew when I ovulated. For the first time ever, I could physically feel that I was ovulating. But for some reason, Michael and I just didn't "do it." I'm not sure why. We've been
trying since Ev was born. You get the idea...Anyways, when I look at the calendar, we only "did it" one time near ovulation - actually two days after. Only one time and after!
Which means that is a total move of God. No other explanation.
If I had any doubt of His healing, or His faithfulness, all of that doubt has been crushed. All of those dreams, words, prayers, instructions from the Lord, people in our lives, they were all perfect and pointing to the coming miracle.
So then, The Lord told me that our story is meant to be shared. Including all of the details. He moved the way He did and His time to show His power and glory in our lives, to speak to others, to crush doubt, and to bring deliverance and breakthrough to me and to others.
It took two long years to get pregnant with Evelyn, our first miracle, and another two long years of prayers and tears to get pregnant with this baby, our second miracle. But, God worked in those years. He was there. He saw it. And He weaved redemption through it all.
