Do as I say, not as I do...

This is a common phrase that many of us are familiar with. We hear it from many of our elders and leaders, who show a bad example (such as smoking, drinking, or other unhealthy choices) and do not want us to follow them. It seems to be casually used, and no one really takes offense to it.

But think about this...when did it become acceptable for leaders in the Christian faith to use and live out this common phrase? Now, most of those leaders would never actually say the phrase, but their actions scream it loudly.

It seems that all around me, so many living this way. These people claim to know God. They can recite the Scriptures with eloquence, and they seem to know all the right answers. But that is just knowledge - and I can see right through that. Even many atheists know a  lot about the Bible. On the surface, these people say the right "Christian" things, seem to make the right "Christian" choices. But their actions speak of a religion that I want no part of. We are called to be like Christ - in like-mindedness, and in actions.

Now don't get me wrong - we all deal with sin issues in our lives. And it is only by God's grace that we are forgiven. But once we enter into God's grace, we cannot abuse it. It is like addiction - you succumb to the addiction, ask for forgiveness, only to go back to that addiction a couple days later, and again, and again, each time asking for God's grace and forgiveness. This, my friends, is abuse of God's grace. In this life, we will be tempted, but God ALWAYS provides a way out - we just have to be in tune to His voice to see that way out. (please understand that I am also speaking to myself in the above and the following...God is doing a work in my life, especially when it comes to this).

I think grace abuse is running rampant in our churches. We so desperately want to reach people and bring them to the Lord, that we dump all of our efforts into showing love and grace, and sometimes we push truth aside. Now, I wholeheartedly agree that showing God's love first to people is the most effective way to reach them. But after that love is shown and received, truth needs to be applied. The truth that says we are to lay down all of idols on the threshing floor. The truth that says we are to put off our former ways of living. The truth that says we are to radically pursue God - and that means destroying all sin patterns in our lives. Throughout the New Testament, Christ showed His love to people. But He also repeatedly rebuked the religious leaders, the elite, and the pharisees for their man-pleasing, man-made religiosity. And I fully believe that this "love and grace only" approach is a part of the watered-down Christianity of today. There is a time for love and grace, my friends, but there is a necessary time for God's truth and knowing what it really means to be a Christ-follower.

As I said before, our own leaders in the church of America are guilty. Many are modern day pharisees. They lead on a Sunday morning, with wholehearted worship, and are filled for the week. But then their personal lives throughout the week are full of sin. As leaders in the church, we are called to a higher standard. There is no arguing that. We are to lead by example, on Sundays and during the week, so that the body will see and know Christ. It doesn't matter how much Scripture we can quote, and if we can give the right answers. And if a member of the body, especially an individual, is sinning, that needs to be addressed. We are to firmly confront our brothers and sisters on their sin patterns. To me, this is an incredible demonstration of love - to be able to say "I love you enough to be able to tell you STOP IT!"

Consider this from Romans -

1:18-23 "But God's angry displeasure erupts as acts of human mistrust and wrongdoing and lying accumulate, as people try to put a shroud over the truth. But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is!

What happened was this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn't treat Him like God, refusing to worship Him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life."

Dying Star

I haven't blogged in a long time. Life has been so busy these past few weeks. Lots of worship practices, time with family and friends, and several other things have been going on. It seems like we have something happening every night of the week. But busyness is only half the reason why I haven't blogged in a while. 

There are so many life-changing things happening within the Swift family. God is doing a major work. And I'm not sure what is really happening. I have been grasping at words to explain what is going on, but I haven't found the words to describe. All I know is that I have had it with the fake in this world. Fake spirituality is running rampant. We all have been guilty of it. But I see it much more clearly, for some reason. God has been revealing so much to Michael and I, individually. And then when we talk about it, we find out that we are feeling the same thing. And then when we talk with our closest friends, we find out that they are feeling it too. And I feel that we have already been labeled the weird ones - labeled by the church! I feel as if I am standing, yelling at the top of my lungs "THIS IS TRUTH!!! THIS IS CHRISTIANITY! THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS!" and all the while, the church is staring at me saying that I am the weird one. The truth I speak of is plainly given in the Scriptures. So why has this truth become a watered down, man-pleasing version of Christianity???

I know that this is probably an odd blog post. I really have no main point. As I said before, I am searching for words to fully describe, but I cannot find them. When I figure it out, I will let you know. 

More to come....

The lyrics to this song are incredible. It describes a lot of what I am feeling.

Dying Star

by

Jason Upton 

You've got your best man on the front side

You always show your best side
And evil's always on the other side
You say this is your strategy
But son I hope you take it from me
You look just like your enemy
You're full of pride
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord
And the greatest idol is you and me,
We better get on the threshing floor
When will we learn that God's strategy
Is giving glory to the Lord?
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord


Star how beautiful you shine
You shine more beautiful than mine
You shine from sea to shining sea
World-wide is your strategy
But shinning star I hope you see
If the whole wide world is staring straight at you
They can't see me...


So rise, rise, rise
Live out your fantasy
Think that you're better than me
Rise, rise, rise
Live out your man-made religiosity
Rise, rise, rise
Live out your strategies
Rise, rise, rise
So the world can see
Just another dying star


Raise up an army, oh God!
In the army of the Lord
There's no room for idolatry
In the army of the Lord
Theres no room for man-pleasing
In the army of the Lord

Fun in Foley!

The girls and I had been talking about making a trip over to Foley together. We decided Saturday was the perfect day to go! The boys went to two Guitar Centers, and we headed to shop 'till we dropped!

So we loaded up Isaak, and off we went! Isaak was thrilled for a shopping day out with the girls. 

First stop - Old Time Pottery (and it was Jess' first time there)!

We love this place - so many unique things for a great price. With all that shopping, we took a little rest...Bubby really didn't want to rest. There were too many things to see.

When Isaak got tired of being in the stroller, I took him out to walk him around. There were just so many things that he wanted to see. He would point and say "oooo!" and run towards that item. So we put him on a leash. I laughed so hard.

We had to stop and wave and say "hi" to everything, including: The life size Santa, a little ceramic church, fish, pots and pans, and the deer...

Next stop - The outlet mall!!! The boys met us out there, and were able to entertain Isaak so Christy could get a little shopping done. Notice Jess, Jeremy, and Isaak all wearing Chucks. I need to get a pair! I am so excited they have made a come back. :)

Next stop - Lambert's Cafe! It was the Moore's first time eating there - we had a blast.

Watch out for the flying rolls!

Isaak entertained himself with the balloon.

We were stuffed! But, we all had enough leftovers to have lunch the next day.

We had such a great day with our best friends. I love them so much! I look forward to our many adventures to come.

Untitled

God, if you are a God of love, then You need to show me, because I certainly don't feel it at all right now. How is allowing a tragic accident to take a man's life love? How is an incredible, godly woman becoming a widow twice love? How is allowing my BFF Christy to go through 4 miscarriages love? How is allowing my BFF Jessica and her hubby to go through infertility love? And how is allowing Michael and I to go through infertility love? If all of these things are in Your ultimate plan, what good purpose could they serve? You could've stopped the tree from falling on Jim. You could've healed Christy's babies. You could breathe life into Jessica's womb. And you could breathe life into mine. But You chose not to - how is that love? It just doesn't make sense. 

Happy Anniversary!!!

Happy six year anniversary to us!!! We celebrated by going to The Fish House here in Pensacola. It was drizzly, so we couldn't eat out on the patio. It reminded us of the drizzles on our wedding day!

We started out with the volcano roll...and yes, it was awesome. We love sushi!

Main course! I had the mahi mahi with garlic whipped potatoes and cheese grits. I normally don't like grits, but I was told that these are the best in the area. And I am doing my best to be a southern girl! I actually really enjoyed them! Michael had the filet mignon....I'm drooling just looking at these pictures!

He is such a cutie!

I love my hubby!!!

This dessert was phenomenal - triple chocolate cheesecake with oreo cookie crust. We had no problem eating it all. :)

Has it really been six years???

And we ended dinner with the best dessert ever - each other! :)

Surrender

Things are changing. I can feel it everywhere, in my church, in my relationships, in my hubby, in my family, in our worship team, in my innermost being. God is moving in an incredible way that I have never seen before. God is tearing everything down - He is doing something radical. And I am honored, and to be honest, scared, to be a part of it.


The theme of surrender has been popping up in my life non-stop lately. First, I attended the Jesus Culture Conference in Atlanta. It was life changing. I went with my two best friends, and it was incredible to be able to share that experience with them. The worship was some of the most intimate worship time with God that I have ever experienced. I asked for the anointing of the Holy Spirit and a love encounter with God, and I definitely got it. Many breakthroughs for me were made at the conference. Opening night, the speaker's topic was complete surrender. He spoke on it again the next morning. It was an amazing message looking at putting our entire lives and everything in it on the altar for God to come consume and burn. I was convicted of the many times that I give God a certain situation or a certain thing, but I hang on to other areas in my life. After the conference, I wrote this in my journal about surrender:
"I want to surrender. I know I need to surrender. But God, can I just hang onto my crap for a little longer?"

The next nudging of surrender came when we arrived home from the conference. As I was playing keys one Sunday morning, Amick was moved by the Spirit to address surrender and how so many of us just need to completely surrender. Once again, I was convicted. 


The theme of surrender came to me in many songs. After the conference, I downloaded a Misty Edwards album, and the very first song that I heard was called "Finally I Surrender." Talk about another smack in the face from God. I love how the song says "FINALLY I surrender." I have heard countless times to "just surrender, give everything to God!" They make it sound so easy - to me it sounds like a daunting task. I have come to the realization that you don't just surrender a situation or areas in life once. It is a daily decision to surrender. Every morning, when my feet hit the floor, I must surrender my desire and longing for a baby. Every afternoon, I must surrender my life's plans and my relationships. Every evening, I must surrender the areas in my life that I put in place of Christ. 

Then Amick preached one Sunday. He did amazing, and I see God's anointing in His life - I am honored to call him a brother in Christ. So, guess what he preached on? You guessed it, total surrender. At that point, I said "Okay, God. I hear You now. You want me to surrender." Well, duh!!! 

I have been worshipping God. I have been praising Him. But all the while, I have been worshipping Him with my hands clenched and closed. I need to pry off the hardness and resentment and open my hands to God, held high and reaching out to Him. It is okay to worship and praise Him out of my pain, but honestly, God should be worshipped because He is worthy, not because I need to feel Him or because I really want something or because I'm hurting. God deserves our worship simply because He is the Great I AM - that's it. 

I recently saw a video showing Kim Walker give a message on a lifestlye of worship. She touched on many areas of worship, but the part that hit me between the eyes was when she talked about the offended heart. This is the offended heart - when we say "God, You haven't given me what I think I want or what I think I need, so I am going to withhold my true worship from You." Wow. I have had an offended heart. I want a baby so bad that I have begun to resent God for not giving it to me. I resent the fact that my husband and I are considered an infertility case. And that has affected my worship. My worship has consisted of crying out to God, asking "why?" and "heal us." But my worship needs to praise God for who He is. I am clinging to the promise that He makes all things work together for my good. 

So I need to surrender every area of my life every day. This is not a one time prayer of surrender. This is a life of surrender. 

Once we step in to surrender, God can come in and move. And I am expecting Him to move in ways that I have never seen or felt before. I am expecting to grow and really see God and to understand Him - to understand what my identity in Christ really means, to feel truly loved by Him, to commune with the Holy Spirit and know His voice. I am claiming the promises over my life that have already been given to me, in Jesus' name! 

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane

I am a tree - bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so. Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us so

So He is our portion and we are His prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us, oh how He loves us, oh how He loves. 

And the Next Step Is?

I am a planner. And I like to be in control of any and every situation. I also find great satisfaction when I do something myself or get something done, or do everything in my power to accomplish something. Throughout my week, I find myself thinking "Just let me do it!" This happens at work, home, when I am at the cash register, and even at church. Knowing that I can do something well and watching someone struggle with it drives me crazy. So, I often think "Just let me do it!"

I've found myself thinking "Just let me do it!" in our efforts to have a baby. I have read all the books on infertility and trying to get pregnant, I have followed all the expert's (and non-expert's) advice, I have followed my doctor's orders, I am taking my vitamins, and I have researched online like crazy. We have done EVERYTHING right in trying to get pregnant. I have done everything in my power to get pregnant. But it's almost a year into it, and we still aren't pregnant.

When we received Michael's diagnosis on top of my diagnosis, Dr. S referred us to a fertility specialist. Everything within me wanted to immediately make the appointment (once again, do everything in my power to get pregnant). But, I have never been able to pick up the phone and make the appointment. And I honestly had no idea what's stopping me. But I then realized - where have I factored God into this situation? Yes, I pray every day, every hour, that God will bless us with a child. I ask for His ultimate will and desire for our lives. But, I believe in a God who heals, and He still heals today! The Jesus of the New Testament is alive and well today!!! So yes, God can heal us. He can heal my body, and He can heal my husband's body. So I am claiming healing over us in Jesus' name! No doctor has that ability. No matter what the doctor says or what he tells us we need to do, the doctor cannot heal us - only God can. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not ruling out medical expertise. I believe that God gives doctors wisdom, medical knowledge, and discernment to treat patients, and I value what doctor's say.

So, Michael and I have decided to set aside the next two months to fervently pray and seek God in our situation. We are going to wait to go to the fertility specialist until we clearly hear from God that that is our next step in our journey to parenthood. God may tell us to pursue the specialists. Or He may tell us not to. I just know that whatever He tells us will be what we do.

Over the next eight weeks, we are still going to be "trying", but we are not going to put pressure on ourselves in any way - including the timing of my cycle. I am going to go off all medications and give my body a breather.

I am anticipating to hear God speak and move in a great way in our lives, and not just in the area of trying to conceive. I am praying that God will draw us closer as a couple. I am praying that I fully surrender this situation (which to me seems so difficult and daunting). I am committing to being immersed daily in His word. I am praying that I draw nearer to God in this time, and that I fully feel His love and His presence in my life. I am praying that God will clearly speak to us, and that I am in tune to His voice.

Please pray with us.

XOXO

Little Did We Know...

 I can't believe we are entering a new school year. This past year has just flown by. At this time last year, two of our friends were in their last trimester of their pregnancies. November rolled around, and both babies came within 24 hours of each other. Michael and I went up to the hospital to visit  - it was so incredible to once again witness one of life's greatest miracles. I was so thankful to spend some sweet moments cuddling with new baby Benjamin. A few days later, Michael and I decided to have a date night. I remember every detail about our night - the restaurant, where we sat, what we ate, our conversation. That night became very important to us, because that night, we decided we were ready to start our own family. I remember asking Michael, as I have in the past, if he wanted to have a baby. I expected his normal response of "someday," but that night, he answered "maybe." I was shocked. I asked again, "really?" And he answered with a definite yes! As we talked about it, we realized that God had been revealing to us individually that we were ready. I had started to feel that desire in my heart, and that desire grew daily. And my husband was having that same desire! I remember thanking God for revealing that to both of us at the same time. After dinner, we even stopped at the store and bought the book "What To Expect Before Your Expecting." And, I stopped birth control immediately and made my first appointment with my new OB/GYN, Dr. S.

I was so excited. I started dreaming about our future babies, what they would look like, how exciting a pregnancy would be. My appointment with Dr. S went great. I absolutely loved him. He was very confident that I would be pregnant within three months. This was great news for us! We seemed like the healthiest, most perfect couple to be able to conceive quickly.

Little did we know....

The three months passed. My cycle was so irregular, with no sign of ovulation and no period. This concerned Dr. S, so he ran some tests, and found that my hormone levels were not where they should be. Basically, my ovaries were not releasing an egg. So the fertility treatments began. At this point, I didn't feel like I was dealing with infertility. I was confident that my body had to just hormonally adjust after going off of the pill. And the fertility drugs would aid in that. So, being the planner that I am, I researched clomid like crazy, and found it to be one of the most successful fertility drugs with a high percentage of success!

Again, little did we know...

I did three cycles on clomid. It was successful in the sense that I was ovulating and I was getting a period. But I was not getting pregnant. And then on the third cycle of treatments, ovulation never occurred and I once again did not have a period. So I would do a fourth round on a very high dose - my last cycle on clomid, for now. My body needs a break. The side effects, physical and emotional, have been exhausting. We then decided to have Michael tested. I just wanted to either rule him out of the situation, or rule him in. The analysis was a simple, easy test. I had full confidence and reassurance in my own spirit that the results would come back completely normal.

Once again, little did we know...

I remember getting the phone call. It was from Dr. S's personal line. The minute I answered the phone, I knew that something was wrong. The tone of his voice said it all. My head was spinning as I listened to Dr. S explain that Michael's sperm motility is abnormal, that they aren't swimming like they should, and that this would cause difficulty in the sperm reaching the egg. He said that at this point, our case is out of his hands and he was referring us to a fertility specialist. I never imagined in a million years that both my husband and I would each have fertility issues. I researched "poor sperm motility" like crazy. And I didn't find much. There aren't a whole lot of treatments available. Basically, the sources said that the male should take a vitamin and eat healthier. Many who deal with this issue turn to IUI or IVF. And there are those who do end up getting pregnant on their own. So there is definite hope, but I still felt utterly hopeless, defeated and crushed. Telling hubby was one of the worst things I have ever had to do. I in no way wanted him to feel that I was upset with him, or that I resented him because of it. He had no reason to apologize or say "sorry." It is out of our hands. The weeks that have followed have been difficult, to say the least. I have been struggling with feeling angry at God, for allowing this to happen to us. I have been angry at the fact that so many drunk teenagers can get pregnant from a one night stand and then end the pregnancy. I even have had feelings of anger when I saw a random pregnant woman. But I can no longer be angry. I felt like I had the right to be angry. But I cannot live like this - it will consume me and turn me into a bitter person. So, I have to choose to praise God, no matter what. And believe me, I have to purposely make the choice every day to praise God despite the circumstances.

I never thought that we would be struggling with this issue. This is the way it is supposed to work - you get married, enjoy just each other for a while, and when you decide to have children, you have children. It shouldn't have to be this difficult. Countless couples decide to have children, and boom! - they are pregnant. Through all of this, I have found such a great understanding of those of us who struggle with infertility. And believe me, you have no idea what it is like unless you walk in the shoes of a couple dealing with infertility or someone who has lost a baby.

We are now in our 9th month of "trying."

So, we are praying.

XOXO

Six Years!!!

I was looking at the calendar today, and I realized that August 28 is only two weeks away! Hubby and I will be celebrating our six year anniversary. I cannot believe it has been six years. The time has gone by so fast. It doesn't feel that long ago....

It seems like just yesterday I was in high school. I played keys in the youth band, and along came Michael. He was a youth leader and played guitar in the band. Our eyes would meet as we played and led worship, and for weeks I thought that he would never be interested in me. He was seven years older than me and I was still in high school! But, he was interested. After I graduated, we dated. And I just knew. I knew on our first date! I remember thinking "I'm going to marry this man." And two months later, we were engaged. Seven months later, married. He was my first date, my first kiss - my one true only. He was sent from heaven.

I love my husband dearly. As I've stated before, he keeps me grounded. We have grown and changed a lot over the past six years, but we have changed for the better. He has made me a better person. So here's to many more years together, and may God continue to bless us!

XOXO!!!

Random Things

So, I have finally decided to start this blogging adventure. I have always loved reading my friends' blogs, so I was inspired! So, I figured a good first post would be some random things about  me:

1. My middle name is Jo. I think it is so cute.

2. I love lip gloss and chapstick. When I was younger, I had a Lip Smackers wall in my room. Although I don't have lip smackers any more, I have a huge collection of various balms, glosses, and chappies.

3. My favorite color is blue. Most of the tops that I wear are some shade of blue.

4. I am a very social person - a people person! I love being around people. But, I only have a couple close friends. And my mom is one of them.

5. Music is my passion. Enough said.

6. I have finally come to terms with an issue that I have. I am a shopaholic. Now that I've admitted it and have surrendered our finances to God, I am a recovering shopaholic.

7. I love Jesus. I am feeling a stirring in my heart about great things that are happening in my personal relationship with him. After all these years doing "church" because it's just what we do as good born-again believers, I am ready for more. I am beginning to understand what God is really all about. It took about 20 years to get here. I don't want to waste another day being a lazy Christian. More to come on that topic...

8. I love kids. And I think they love me. I'm not sure why, but kids just seem drawn to me. I've had many encounters with kids in public that I don't even know, but they still approach me and ask me to tie their shoes or tell me about their favorite toy.

9. My husband keeps me grounded. I am a free spirit.

10. People still mistake me for a high-schooler.

11. Just in the past months, God has brought two amazing women into my life. We have grown so close in such a short time, and I have never had such closer friends before. They mean more to me than they will ever know. We are walking through our trials together, bearing each other's burdens. I love them dearly.

12. I dream in song. I usually wake up hearing a song in my head....sometimes its a worship song, sometimes its classic rock! You never know!

13. I love to eat. I am not a picky eater at all. But I really don't enjoy eating junk food...wait, except fruit roll ups and puffy cheetos.

14. One of my most recent "guilty" pleasures is Twilight. The books were awesome and I love the movies. I know, I know. I am in my 20s, but it is so good!

15. I LOVE pictures! It drives hubby crazy...I am always pulling out my camera.

16. I am in love with a sweet, sweet little boy named Isaak. He is my best friend's child. He brightens my day and makes me smile every time I see him. He even has a special name for me - Zah Zoo. He has me wrapped around his little two year old finger.

17. I grew up in the north. But I have realized that I am a southern girl at heart. Florida has become my favorite place - I love the beaches, the people, and of course the weather. No, I do not miss snow. At all. It always made me crabby anyways.

18. I struggle with weight. No, I don't have an eating disorder. I just have a hard time keeping weight on.  No matter what I eat or how much, my high metabolism just keeps me so thin. People probably roll their eyes at reading that, thinking I should be grateful. But, being underweight is just as unhealthy as being overweight.

19. I can sleep like no other! I can easily sleep a 12 hour night, anywhere. But, I am not a morning person. It takes me about 2 hours to really wake up.

20. I love Chick-fil-A. I could eat it every day. Really, I could. I daily crave a sweet tea and a chick fil a sandwich with extra pickes. Mmmmmm.....

21. I love ducks. I really want one. I love all animals, really. When I was a little girl, my dad always told me that I should've been Noah's wife. :)

XOXO!!!