Where I Come From

Last week, I flew up to Wisconsin to visit my family. Hubby was in China on a business trip, so instead of sitting at home alone, I hopped on a plane and headed to the land of cheese!

While I was there, my Aunt Missy gave me my first baby shower. Twenty of my closest family and friends celebrated my sweet miracle! It meant so much to have each and every one there, they all hold a special place in my heart. I was given so many beautiful things - I feel so loved and blessed! 

Gorgeous roses to celebrate our baby!

Yummy treats! The cupcakes were so pretty. The little sweetheart is my cousin's daughter.

Opening sweet gifts! 

Every card made me cry - I had to stop reading them and read them later!

To my left is my dear friend Lauren and her baby, and my dear sister-in-law Jenelle and her baby! It was so good to spend time with them, talk, and just be together while I was there. 

My gorgeous mom

Lauren and her sweetie

The 24 week belly with my daddy

Aunt Missy - thank you so much for a wonderful shower!

Beautiful gifts...

During my visit, I was able to spend some much needed time with my family. My niece and nephews have grown so much since Christmas, and I was so excited to see them. 

My nephew Chase. He is one of the sweetest little boys.

My brother Ben with our newest nephew, Emry

And my niece, Ava. I got spend so much time with her because I got to watch her during the days! Since being home, I feel like I'm going through Ava-withdrawals. :(
She loves her Milwaukee Brewers!!!

I am blessed to be a member of an amazing and loving family. I love how I can see our rich heritage with God as the center, and see how He has blessed all of us. There have been trials, heartache, and pain, but through it all, God has kept us close and been our steady source of strength. We see evidence of His love and faithfulness woven deeply into our family.
I am so thankful for godly parents, who shared with us the greatest gift of all - Jesus.

I think of the testimony of so many things that our family has gone through - health issues, loss of loved ones, sending our dear brother to Iraq, challenges in school, testings of our faith, infertility, miscarriages, and many other things. And through it all,

He has always been faithful.

And now we can pass His love and faithfulness on to the next generation.
Oh, my sweet nephews, nieces, and my own children that are coming and yet to come: How I pray for you every day, that you will come to know Him and His love! I know you will do great things for Him! You are all gifts that have been given to us; you are His, and God has entrusted us to love and care for you! It is a responsibility that I do not take lightly, but prayerfully! How I pray for God to use you greatly and do a magnificent work in your lives! 

 To God be the glory!

Politics...

We aren't supposed to talk about it...

Yes, I'm talking politics.

We are saturated whether we choose it or not, with the media and all of the debates. Left, right, Republican, Democrat, Conservative, Liberal.

I will admit that I am, for the most part, very conservative. I look at our founding father's faith and the original intent of our country's documents, and see that our country's birth was fueled by not just a faith, but a belief, a trust, a reliance upon Jesus Christ. And I like to make my political decisions based on that - my faith in God. 

I was the one, oh yes, that person, who loved to talk politics, debate, and exercise my freedom of speech. I even was a political science major for a time in college. I would yell at the television, listen to talk radio, and get all riled up. 

But I've changed. I believe it's a change for the better. 

You see, I've come to realize that it is out of my control. Yes, I will exercise my freedom to vote and make my voice heard, but stressing and raising my blood pressure isn't going to change anything. That doesn't mean that I don't care, I still care deeply. But, God has ordained every single thing that happens. God has put in place, chosen Himself, every single person in office. And as believers in Christ, we know that there will be turmoil that gains momentum as the world continues to age and reach its end. Everything, all of it, is in God's master plan.

Yes, it is so sad and upsetting to see the moral descent and backsliding of our great nation, and is horrific to see laws passed that completely go against God's word and commands. Moral depravity seems now to be common. And, we know that "Blessed is the nation whose god is The LORD." And as America continues to remove God, we will see God remove His blessing. As believers, it is our time to truly come together as the church, be the church that He desires, and fight for our faith. We were born for such a time as this.

Getting in political fights, yelling at each other, and screaming at the television, and obsessing over it is not going to change a thing. You have your right to opinions, and I have my right to my opinions. But lets show the nation the love of God, through our actions, through our speech. And perhaps we will start to see that change that we so desire.

Let's not waste our time worrying about tomorrow; let tomorrow worry about itself. As I said before, God has ordained everything that is going to happen, and we know that in the end times, it is only going to get worse for us as believers. Persecution will come. We will be questioned, we will be beaten, we will be bruised, we will be martyred. But at the right time, God will give us the right response, the right words, if only we seek Him for it.

This has just been on my mind over the past days, and I hope you can see my heart. I do care about current events, but I care more greatly about God's redemptive plan and work in it all. We do not put our trust in our leaders and in our country's status and events, but in HIM alone.

Six Months

If I could sum up in two words how I am feeling today, it would be

SLOW DOWN!

I had my 24 week appointment today. Yes, that is 6 months!
(technically I will be 24 weeks on Wednesday.)

I truly am loving being pregnant. I love every moment, everything about it. But it is going by too fast! I just feel that I am going to blink my eye, and we will be delivering at the hospital. Then I blink again, and our sweet girl will be off to kindergarten. Time flying by, especially with the pregnancy, reminds me of the verse in the Bible where it says that we are but a vapor, a moment. Lord, help me to use my time wisely and really soak in every moment, and never wish time to pass, or go quickly.

All of my vitals and stats looked great, once again, and I am so thankful. I did gain 10 pounds since my last appointment (10 pounds in four weeks, WOW!), but the doctor was not concerned at all. He said that since I was underweight to begin with, this is very good and normal, especially during the sixth month. So, my weight gain to date is 20 pounds, which puts me at 142 pounds. Where is it all going? I don't feel 20 pounds heavier, and I am carrying a small belly. But, I have noticed that my butt and thighs seem to be expanding, especially when I put on pants. And speaking of that, none of my bottoms fit anymore. I have officially made the switch to maternity clothes. I am much more comfortable when I wear them too. 

I was delighted when they pulled out the doppler, because I did not know we were going to listen at this appointment. So, I again heard the most incredible, most beautiful sound in the world - her heartbeat. It was easy to find, loud and clear, and most definitely strong, beating in the 150s. 

Sadly, Michael was not able to join me at this appointment. He has never missed an appointment, and has no intentions of missing any. But, a business trip to Shanghai kind of got in the way. So, I had to be a big girl and go on my own. But, we have a skype date tonight so I can fill him in on all of the details.

We signed up for all of our classes at the hospitals - prepared childbirth, breastfeeding, and newborn parenting. Our Monday nights for the next 2 and a half months will be learning all there is to learn! I am so excited about these classes, and I know Michael is too. I'm positive we will learn a lot. 

I have my first shower on Thursday! I am so excited! It will be mostly family, and my dear Aunt Missy, who I grew up with and consider a second mother to me, will be throwing it for me. Can't wait!

Six months! I still can't believe it!!

Love to you all...

My Michael

I love the way you look at me from across the room.

I love the way you wink your eye, only at me.

I love the way you know just how to hold my hand.

I love how you make me want to be a better person, to be unselfish, to seek God.

I love how you blow kisses to me every time I have to watch you leave on a plane for work.

I love how I sob when you leave on your business trips, because it reminds me of the treasure that you are, and keeps me thankful for the man that you are.

I love how you gently play with my hair.

I love how you hate touching feet, but will still rub mine, even if I have to beg.

I love how you rub my back every night.

I love how I know exactly what you are thinking just by the glance you give.

I love how you keep me grounded.

I love how you are an incredible guitarist and you don't even realize it.

I love how it drives me crazy that you are musically gifted without the help of any music theory or training.

I love how you worship God with the gifts He's given you.

I love how you lead others by example.

I love how you are a straight-shooter.

I love how you seek God in everything.

I love how happy it makes you to see me happy, even if it means taking me to Sea World and spending an hour at the sting ray tank.

I love how others look to you for advice.

I love how we seem to say the same movie quotes at the same time.

I love your aroma, without cologne.

I love how your quiet presence can fill a room.

I love how you listen and are slow to respond.

I love how you are patient with my shortcomings.

I love when we are leading worship together, I glance over at you, your hands are raised in worship, and you are singing out to God. 

I love how you are like a kid in a candy store when you get a steak.

I love how you kept all hope for God to give us a child, when I had lost all hope.

I love how you reminded me when I needed it most that God still heals, God still performs miracles. 

I love how you just let me cry, without me feeling embarrassed about it.

I love how strong you are.

I love when I can see your emotions, even when you come across emotion-less.

I love how you have been a father to our little friends.

I love how you look when you ride your motorcycle.

I love how you provide for me.

I love how you exemplify Colossians 3:23.

I love how your co-workers, peers, and friends respect and look to you.

I love how you invest in the youth.

I love how you come home from work, give me hugs and kisses, and rub my belly.

I love it when you grow out your beard in the fall.

I love how you kiss me.

I love how people think we are that "cute couple."

I love how my heart still skips a beat when I see you.

I love how we still feel like newlyweds.

I love how you make sure not to miss a single baby appointment, and your willingness to be there in every aspect of this pregnancy.

I love how you put up with my non-stop picture taking.

I love how you sit and watch the Bachelor with me.

I love how you love my parents, and consider them "mom" and "dad."

I love how you have your father's eyes.

I love how Ginger watches and waits for you.

I love how knowing our unborn baby is a girl already melts your heart.

I love how you found some girly baby outfits, and said "I'm getting these. She has to have these."

I love how I love to dress up for you.

I love how you make me feel pretty, seven years later.

I love your laugh.

I love how when you smile really big, you get "smile lines" on the corners of your eyes.

I love how I can always depend on you for wise, thought out advice.

I love how our baby girl kicks like crazy when you poke at my belly. No one else can do that, not even me.

I love how you love her already.

I love how you kiss my belly, and talk to her.

I love how she is going to be "daddy's girl."

I love how you think I am most beautiful now, when I am carrying our baby.

I love how you love me.

I am thankful.

I am blessed.

I love you, my Michael.

I've Been Working On The Baby Room...

I've been asked, "What have you been up to the past couple of weeks?" Well, I have been hard at work decorating and putting together the baby room. I had decided a long time ago that I did not want to go with a pink or blue theme based on the gender of the baby, so after much thought, I came up with: animal print theme with lime green and dark brown as my two colors. And I absolutely love it. I was able to do most things affordably, with purchases from Hobby Lobby, Ikea, Home Depot, Ross, and Target. Most of those purchases were made with coupons or were from the clearance section! Our splurge was the crib and bedding from Storkland. But, we made up for it by making the curtains and comforter ourselves!

So cute! I just love it.
Putting up all the different circles was a three hour long project, but it was really fun to just randomly put them up and discover that random really does work (when it comes to decor like that!)

I am so proud of myself - with my mom and mom-in-law's help, I made the curtains!!!

Blanket on chair from Bed Bath and Beyond, pillow from Hobby Lobby, curtain rod from Ross, curtain fabric from JoAnn, wall dots from Home Depot.

Changing table from Ikea, it just needs a changing pad. The mirror is also from Ikea. Aren't the safari animals cute? I found them at Hobby Lobby. I got the cubby drawers from Home Depot and the rug from Ross.

 Dresser from Ikea, lamp from Target

The comforter that we (me, my mom, my mom-in-law) made! The green side is organic cotton and the brown side is a soft, lightweight fleece. And the border is silky! I can't wait to snuggle under it with our little girl, and I'm sure she will enjoy it in her crib! 

Now in about 18 weeks, a baby will actually be able to enjoy this room! Decorating it was incredible. As I was working on it, I reflected back to the times that I would just stand in this empty and waiting room, and weep. There were times where I was face down on the floor of the room, crying out to God to give us a child. I will never forget those moments, those years. If you are facing infertility, or a similar situation, know that I pray for you every day. You are on my heart, my mind, and always will be.

Take Heart

Music has a way to express what we feel when we ourselves do not know how to express it. Music makes us cry, feel happy and sad, dance, worship. Music moves us to a place that most other things cannot move us to. Throughout the Bible we see music, and how it was used to praise our Creator. What an incredible form of worship, to play sweet things and sing beautiful songs back to Him who made it all. The Israelites sang praises to God; David played instruments and danced before the Lord. In 2 Chronicles 20, we see how the worshippers were sent out on the front lines of battle, and how the Israelites singing ultimately defeated their enemies. Throughout Scripture, we find that we are told to sing and play our instruments before the Lord. I love how Psalms even says to address God loudly! We worship God through music. I believe He speaks back to us through music. Just look at all of the beautifully written hymns, songs, contemporary songs. There is no way the authors of those songs did it themselves - they are God-breathed and created to speak to us with perfect words at the perfect moment. 

There is a newer Hillsong song that I believe will speak to you. It speaks to me every time I sing it and hear it. The words are rich and full of truth, and I pray it blesses you.

There is a light, it burns brighter than the sun

He steals the night, and casts no shadow.

There is a hope

Should oceans rise and mountains fall

He never fails

So take heart

Let his love lead us through the night

Hold on to hope

And take courage again

In death by love, the fallen world was overcome

He wears the scars of our freedom

In His name, all our fears are swept away

He never fails

All our troubles and all our tears

God our hope, He has overcome

All our failure and all our fears

God our love, He has overcome

All our heartache and all our pain

God our healer, He has overcome

All our burdens and all our shame

God our freedom, He has overcome

All our failures and all our fear

God our love, He has overcome

God our justice, God our grace

God our freedom, He has overcome

God our refuge and God our strength

GOD IS WITH US

HE HAS OVERCOME!

Amen and amen! He HAS overcome! Not He will overcome. He already has! Everything, all of it, the past, present, and future, He has overcome it all. All of your pain, all of your "why's." Be strong, take heart, be courageous - He is our overcomer. 

Adventures in Registering and Shopping

The day after we found out we were having a girl, we decided to go ahead and register at our favorite baby store...Target! Their baby department is awesome.

All of our random trips to Target to browse the baby section paid off. We pretty much had the major things picked out before we got to the store. We brought my parents and Michael's mom with us, grabbed the scanner gun, and off we went! 

We immediately went to the bigger items that we had picked out already - a pack & play, monitors, breast pump, swing, and bath tub. The smaller things took us a lot longer to pick out. Who knew there are so many different types of bottles and pacifiers?? And an endless selection of soft and cuddly pink blankets and receiving cloths???

We conquered each aisle, scanning left and right. And, we went through each aisle again, making sure that we didn't miss anything! We had a really fun time! And, the registry is now ready and complete. 

On Friday, Michael took a well needed day off from work, so we decided to head down to Destin to do some shopping. The day we found out baby is a girl, I did a little shopping for some pink things, but Michael had to go back to work. So, a day in Destin was a great opportunity for us to pick out some special pink items together. We hit the jackpot at Children's Place Outlet and Carter's Outlet. We were able to get some really cute things for pretty cheap, especially since we found a lot on the $2.99 clearance rack! Holla!! 

We eventually headed over to Destin Commons where we discovered an adorable baby boutique called Hugs and Hissyfits. Most things were pretty expensive, but beautiful and one of a kind. They had a great bow/headband/hat selection. I had to refrain from going crazy, but picked out a few special ones. Our little girl will most likely be wearing a bow, headband, or hat at all times. They are so feminine and too cute. She is going to be like a little doll - I can't help but play dress up with her!

There will be many more bows, flowers, headbands, and hats to come. Some of them are so ornate and incredibly beautiful. I have several picked out from a few really cool websites...

While we were at the Commons, horrific dizziness came over me. I felt like I was drunk, almost falling over. We had to leave. I ended up being dehydrated and over-heated. It came on at once, and it was scary. I was on my feet all day, didn't drink enough, and didn't eat regularly enough. Also, they say that mid-pregnancy is when your blood pressure is at its lowest, so dizziness can be "common." Ugh. My heart was racing because I knew something was wrong, but thankfully, nothing was wrong with baby, just me. So, I felt somewhat ill the entire weekend, and even today, I still feel a little "off." I learned my lesson the hard way. I have been drinking A TON of water and making sure I eat every two hours even if I'm not hungry. I was scared for sure. 

I have come across some really cute websites that have beautiful items, specifically really girly items. Some of my favorites are:

etsy.com

itzybitzy.com

poshlittletutus.com

hugsandhissyfits.com
girlscrochetheadbands.com

Are there any neat infant/baby/child product websites that you have come across? Please share in my comment section! I always love hearing from you!

Well, our baby shopping has come to an end for a while. We have some really cute, special items that we were able to pick out together. Now we just wait for our sweet baby to arrive so she can wear and use all of these adorable things!!!

My Growing Belly (Part Two)

In my 16 week appointment, Dr. Sontag told me that I should notice huge changes in my body between weeks 18 and 20. And yes, I have noticed large changes, good changes! I gained about 8 pounds in three weeks, and I have now gained 10 pounds total. Yay!!! I finally look pregnant now to the rest of the world!!! I've been soaking up every time someone, including a lot of strangers, inquires about the pregnancy. And, Baby girl has been very active because she is so busy growing!! I'm feeling her kicks and movements more and more throughout the day, and Michael is just loving feeling her move. He adores her already. 

So, here is part two in the series "My Growing Belly."

16 weeks
May 28

124 pounds, my first two pound of weight gain during this week

17 weeks
June 4

126 pounds

18 weeks
June 11

128 pounds

19 weeks
June 18

132 pounds

I popped! Just in one week, look at the difference from week 18! Incredible!!

20 weeks
June 25

132 pounds

The Half-Way Mark, And It's A....

I am now 20 weeks, which means I am halfway through the pregnancy!!! I can't believe how fast it has gone, and I know that the second half will only go faster. I am soaking up every day of this pregnancy, every moment, every milestone, and every simple thing.

It was Michael's first Father's Day as a father to our baby! I have always viewed him as a father and example to so many. I always said, especially in the thick of our infertility, that he would always be a father to many, even if we would have no children of our own. But this year brought much celebration, different celebration. He has been a father to many, and now he is a father to ours. The sweetest moment of that day was when Isaak ran to me at church and gave me a hug and huge kiss and said "Happy Father's Day!" It brought tears to my eyes. He  ran to Michael and said the same thing. Then he looked at me with those huge blueberry eyes and said "I love ZahZoo!" (Zahzoo is the nickname that he calls me.) No matter what, no matter how many children I may have, that sweet boy will always hold a special place in my heart.

On Monday, we had our big appointment - THE ultrasound. I was so excited to find out the sex, but equally excited to be able to see our baby again and all of the changes. We have not seen our baby since our 8 week ultrasound, so I knew I was in for some awesome things. 

Michael and I went in together to the ultrasound room, where the nurse started with looking at the head and the brain. She worked down, examining the heart, the stomach, the lungs, arms, legs, and then finally asked, "Do you want to know what you are having?" And yes, we definitely did!

We are having a...............

GIRL!!!

"Our Gift From God"

I of course cried a little, (actually a lot), and stared in amazement at the screen as I watched our baby. A little girl. Our little girl. I am blessed beyond measure. 

Michael and I shared sweet moments together as we looked at our beautiful baby girl, and took in every moment. We then were able to get the full view of our baby, that popular profile view. I could see her ears, eyes, nose, chin, beating heart. She kept her little hand up by her face the entire time, showing off each finger. We watched in amazement as she moved her arms and legs. She opened and closed her mouth, telling us a sweet story. 

Michael went back into the waiting room to get my parents and his mom so they could see baby and find out that she was a girl! They were amazed, too. There were tears and excitement as we told them that the baby is a girl, and they stood in awe as they watched her. 

Oh, how I loved every minute of that long ultrasound. I didn't want it to stop. But, we went and saw Dr. Sontag, and he told us that he couldn't be more happy with me and with the baby. Everything looked perfect. I am measuring right on track, and the baby is developing perfectly. I now weigh 132 pounds, with a total weight gain of 10 pounds. I definitely have officially "popped" now, with my belly actually looking pregnant now! I love it.

After we left the hospital, we all went to the Olive Garden for lunch, and celebrated our little girl. 

We headed to do a little shopping, where I had to buy some things to add a little pink in my life. Oh. My. Goodness. Shopping for a baby girl is irresistible. I may be in trouble.... But, I found some things, and controlled myself from going shopping-crazy, because I know pink gifts will be coming!

A newborn outfit - I'm thinking this is the hospital outfit! It is a pink and white striped Ralph Lauren. I love the little white silk bow. And the hat.....!!!

How does this not melt your heart????

Monday was a day I will never forget. It was beautiful, every part of it.....

On Wednesday, I went with my mom and my mom-in-law to pick out some fabric for the baby room. I was definitely successful, and later that evening, we sewed curtains and hung them! I love the way they turned out. Next, we will be making the comforter for the crib...

What a week!! I've prayed and prayed for these moments, and I know so many others have joined us and stood with us in prayer and unyielding support no matter what, as our painful journey through the storm of bringing this baby into our lives unfolded. The support, excitement, and rejoicing from others has encouraged me and lifted me. I know this baby is already loved by our friends and family. Each and every text and phone call that we received when we told our loved ones about our little girl was precious and will always hold a special place in my heart, and their rejoicing with us means more to us than words can ever say. I am so thankful for these precious people in our lives.

I love you all. 

A Thorn In My Flesh

At age 16 I was in a one-car car accident. It seemed pretty minor, and no one was visibly injured. The weeks that followed did bring back pain, and the testing and treatments began. Over a course of two years, I was poked, prodded, sent to this doctor and that specialist, had multiple x-rays, MRI's CT scans, given the latest pain medications, steroid injections, had physical therapy, massage therapy, and chiropractor appointments. Nothing helped. Nothing. My doctors got to the point where there was nothing more that they could do. I had micro tears in my lower lumbar muscles and ligaments that refused to heal.

It has now been ten years since the accident that caused my back injury, and I have seen no improvement, no healing. 

I live in daily pain.

Most people would not guess that I live with this. I hide it really well.

Chronic pain is something that I would wish on no one. It limits what I can and cannot do. It makes me exhausted every day. And it even makes me depressed at times. And the majority of people do not really understand how it impacts day to day life, unless they themselves have experienced chronic pain or illness.

I spent two years of my life on heavy duty drugs, including Vioxx, celebrex, skelaxin, hydrocodone, and  muscle relaxers. I got to a point where I was relying on those drugs to make me feel better, and they physically did make me feel better. They gave me some relief. But, I decided that it was not healthy to be on all of these drugs, and they really were just masking the pain. So I slowly weaned myself off of them, and learned to live with the pain. I now occasionally will take tylenol or aleve when it is really bad. 

I still to this day ask God why a healthy 16 year old had to go through this. I ask Him why I still have to go through this. Isn't ten years enough? 

And I don't know the answer. God has not given me an answer. 

I remember talking to my father about that. I was crying "Why me?" and expressing to him that I just didn't understand why I couldn't life a normal, pain-free life. He could not give an explanation to my whys, but he did remind me of Paul.

In 2 Corinthians 12, we are told that Paul was given a thorn in his flesh. We do not exactly know what that thorn was, but most biblical scholars agree that it was some sort of physical ailment. Paul says that three times, he begged the Lord to take it away. But the Lord did not take it away. 

I have begged the Lord, much more than three times, to take away my back pain. I have begged Him to heal it. I have claimed healing over myself, and others have prayed healing over me. But I have not been healed. I have not received any form of an answer or explanation. God has remained silent. 

How I so long for a normal life. Where I could enjoy simple things that most take for granted, like standing for a while; sitting for a while; running; bowling; horseback riding; lifting children; laundry; cleaning; vacuuming; my list could go on and on... 

And now, as my miracle is growing and thriving, the thorn in my flesh is becoming larger and larger. My pain seems to be worsening. It is hard to find relief. That is one of the major fears that I have had since that car accident - how my body would do during a pregnancy. I am praying that my back would grow strong, and that my pain would lessen as my pregnancy progresses. 

My back pain is the thorn in my flesh.

Someday it may be removed.

Or I may have this pain for the rest of my life. 

And there is no fancy, spiritual reason that I can give as to why. I do not believe that means that I have little faith or that I do not believe that God can heal. I know He can heal. I've seen it with my own eyes - all I have to do is look at my growing belly. Our two year storm with infertility was painful. God seemed silent. As we were in the thick of our treatments, diagnosis, I could not see at all how God was working through it. In my mind, in my life, where was God? In my body, where was God? As I reflect back over those years of heartache, I can see how I've grown, what I've learned, how my hubby and I have been drawn closer together, how I've been drawn closer to God. For the most part, He was silent, allowing me to struggle, to grapple, to cry out. It was painful. But all along, I know He never left. He never stopped loving me.  And now as we rejoice for our miracle child, everything that we went through is still so fresh. I still do not fully understand why we had to go through such heartache to finally be able to carry a child, and why God seemed silent. Perhaps it was so I could grow, so I could come to a place with God like never before, so I could be a testimony to others...

As for my back pain, I find myself in a similar place. But I have to trust God and know that ultimately it is His choice and His plan, and that His ways are higher than mine. I have to believe that! He has the final say in whether He is going to deliver me or not. As my dear friend says, "I believe life can be hard; and not every storm brings immediate sunshine." God, You are God and I am not. Even though it seems like You are silent, I will trust. I have to.