I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I've neglected my blog for over a month now! So I apologize if the following is a lot of random points, but I just need to get it all out... :)
Our life has been what I like to call "quietly busy." I feel like we've been doing a lot, but honestly, it has been pretty quiet. I think I feel so busy because I am constantly chasing my little girl who does the super fast crawl all over the entire house.
Speaking of that busy little girl, she is growing and changing every day. The other day she threw her first fit. Oh yes, the fists clenched and tears flowing and shaking both of her arms type of fit. Over a piece of lint that I wouldn't let her eat. I had to laugh, which made her cry louder. She is just so stinkin cute, it's hard not to smile! She has been testing her limits everywhere, by hearing "no" and still doing it, she even looks at me and waits for the "no" and then continues on her merry way to disobedience. She has a strong will, which when cultivated, will be one of her strongest traits. Every day, I ask the Lord for guidance. It is no easy task, training up a child, and so I ask the Holy Spirit to guide every step and every decision I make as a parent.
Our July was full of trips, first to Jacksonville and then to Wisconsin. Both were great trips, and we were able to soak up lots of family time. The two day drive there and back from Wisconsin was grueling, but totally worth it. It was so sweet to see Evelyn playing with all of her cousins and giggling at her aunties and uncles. And of course, soaking up all the snuggles with grammie and grampie. It was such a sweet time to be all together. I just love my family so much. I am so blessed by them, and so incredibly thankful. Which made it very difficult to once again say goodbye. Thank the Lord for Skype, texting, and phone calls.
As I said before, Evelyn is crawling in full force all over the house, and is also pulling up on everything. She even occasionally stands on her own for a second or two! We got her a little walker that she can push and practice walking, and she does a pretty good job! She is cutting more teeth, this time three on top! Those little teeth are so cute, and she is constantly drooling or chewing on things to find some relief.
Her separation anxiety is at its worst. Most days, if I am not in her sights at all times, she will cry the saddest cry ever! Even daddy hasn't been able to help! I still haven't been able to put her in the nursery at church, but I know that when I finally do, it will be so good for her.
Earlier this week, I started to worry. Evelyn was sneezing, had a runny nose, red eyes, and some congestion. She's never had a cold before, never been sick before! I was prepared to wake up this morning to her having a full blown cold, but she is happy as ever and her symptoms have not worsened. There's power in prayer, people!!!
Evelyn turned nine months old last week. Which means party planning is in full swing. And I am totally in denial that she will be one in a few short months. I can honestly say that I am having a hard time with realizing that we only have a little time left of breastfeeding. I enjoy it so much, but it has to come to an end. She's growing into a big girl and will soon be ready to eat all big girl foods. I can accept it, but I can still be a little sad about it.
The other day, I sat down with a dear friend, and we shared our hearts with each other as we fed our daughters lunch. Such sweet moments. As we talked about wanting more children and dealing with fears that come along with that, she reminded me that I am healed. Evelyn is evidence of that healing. So there is no fear in claiming that I desire more children. It was only by God that I was able to conceive Evelyn. I so needed that reminder.
While we were in Wisconsin, Michael and I both received texts/phone calls from some of our dear friends. It was such a precious reminder to us that we have made our home in Florida, and that we are loved and there for a reason. It is always difficult saying goodbye to my family, especially as we've felt feelings of loneliness and isolation. So to be told that we are loved and missed came at the perfect time, and those people have no idea how much we both needed that.
I know I've said it before, but I am so thankful for the people God places in my life. My family, my lifelong friends. No matter where in life, busy or calm, lonely and isolated, joy or anguish, these precious few will always be there. I know that if I needed anything, these few that I can count on one hand, they would be there in a heartbeat. I do not need tons of surface level relationships; I need those precious few that speak life into me, pray for me, keep me accountable, and ooze Jesus. And I hope and pray that I can be the same for them. Jesus had his 12 disciples, and even out of those 12, he had a few that he was even closer to. So to me, it is incredibly biblical and God-honoring to draw near to the ones He places in my life. And I must say that we should be happy for our fellow believers when they find these relationships. There should be no room for jealousy or accusation. These relationships are God-ordained, God-breathed, for exactly the right time. There is no coincidence.
God has really been speaking to me over the past couple of days about worship, and what that looks like when we fully and recklessly praise Him. I grew up in a great church that truly established a firm, Biblical foundation for my faith. I am incredibly thankful for my family and for that church and school. Our corporate worship was generally structured, with an opening upbeat song, followed by a greeting, followed by three more songs. People stood when they were asked to stand, and sat when they were asked to sit. We clapped our hands. Some people even lifted their hands. And that was about it. And it was simply okay. But I always questioned it, and wondered if there was more to this worship experience. Was I an observer or an active participator?
My husband and I were led to be involved in worship bands at the churches that we've attended, and for us, that is how we discovered our passion for worship. Over the past years and really in recent years, God has cultivated in me a heart for worship. Previously, I had been one to be critical or judgmental of certain things in worship (things that were foreign to me, that were emotional, that only "those" people who were really hurting and didn't have it all together did, the ones that really needed Jesus - ha, none of us have it all together and we all really need Jesus at all times in life), such as shouting, dancing, speaking in tongues, worshiping in the Spirit, etc. But over time and experiences, God has opened my eyes to take a new and fresh look at worship.
As I mentioned before, my previous worship experiences were pretty traditional, and those other things in worship were just things we didn't do - there was never any solid reason why, we just didn't do it. I can think of a few reasons, maybe one being that perhaps people thought that those forms of worship were emotion based. But my husband has reminded me before - God created our emotions. So what is wrong with using our emotions to express to Him our worship? So many churches have shied away from allowing any emotion, any Holy Spirit move in worship for fear that it could be only conjured up emotions, or that we might not follow the structured schedule of a produced church service. But what if every single corporate worship experience simply flowed in the Spirit? What if we allowed the Holy Spirit to move our emotions and guide our services instead of us planning every single thing, down to the minute? I firmly believe that we've placed God in a box, wrapped it up in a beautiful box and said "This is what worship looks like. This is how God moves." It's time to take God out of that box! But when we become sensitive to the Spirit's leading, I believe we allow Him to fully work and move over His people. Where we pray when we feel led to pray. Where we sing songs that we feel led to sing. Where it's okay to deviate from the song set list when we are moved to sing a different one. Where we spontaneous sing in the Spirit. Where we dance before the Lord. And, oh no, get ready for this, when we can speak in a love language to God (tongues?! - I feel the church has totally corrupted this form of worship and has given it such a bad name to the point of making it seem unholy. Time for some fresh perspective, but that is a whole other topic).
This past week when I was in corporate worship, we were singing a song that said "Let heaven come." And it got me thinking about when we are in heaven, and how we will be worshiping day and night. Do you think that is going to be boring? Do you think we're going to think "Gosh, another song?" Do you think we will just be standing there in His presence, emotionless? Absolutely not! We will be worshiping, falling before His throne, praising His name day and night! We will be jumping for joy, shouting His name, bowing, dancing. So why can't we experience some of that now? Why do we think we have to wait until heaven to truly worship?
"On earth as it is in heaven!"
Now hear me out - I do not want to judge any one person's worship style, because ultimately, worship is between you and God. And that worship can take many forms for many people, whether that's standing, sitting, lifting hands, dancing, kneeling, speaking in tongues, shouting - it is different for every single person and no person has to do one thing or the other. But I am tired of the church making it feel uncomfortable to be free in worship to do those things. I am tired of the church stifling the Spirit for the sake of schedules, keeping everyone comfortable, not offending anyone, and looking "just right" or a certain way. If you look at it, all of those forms of worship are completely Biblical - the lifting of hands is referenced numerous times in the Psalms; kneeling and falling before God; shouting unto God; singing; speaking in a love language/tongues to God; dancing before the Lord - they are all in the Bible! We are given the Spirit, it is okay to do those things! The same power that conquered the grave lives in me - and that should free us to worship in any form without fear of judgement or fear of discomfort. Let us boldly approach Him with confidence! And honestly, who cares what I look like to others? Let them judge me. I do not serve them, I serve Christ. And I am only accountable to Him. When I get to heaven, I want to know that I did everything in my power to utterly worship and serve Him. It won't matter what others thought of me while doing so.
So this week, as you gather at your place of worship, I pray that you are free to worship God in whatever way that He moves you - that you know you can sit, stand, sing, stay silent, let the tears fall, dance, shout, raise your hands, surrender to Him and let God move.
