Great is Thy Faithfulness

Back in June, I had a great conversation with a dear friend about the place I am in regarding more babies. It is my hearts desire, and sometimes I get discouraged in the wait. She told me that I need to be in a place of joy and thanksgiving, for my womb, for who God is, for His completed work. And I listened, I was convicted. I asked the Lord to bring me to that place. I thought it would be hard, but His grace has been more than sufficient. 

About a month later, I was talking with Michael about my prayers for more children. And through our conversation, I realized I had been begging God for my heart's desire. And I never thought the Lord would tell me this, but He told me "stop praying for it." Because I need to rest in Him, and know that He knows my heart, my desires, my tears. I need to destroy the lie that "if I pray more and more, God will hear me." That only created striving on my part. Once again, I thought it would be nearly impossible to stop praying for this, but He has made it seem easy. I feel I am in His rest, in His hand, that He has taken me under the shelter of His wing. And I am able to worship out of a place of joy and thanksgiving, for who He is, and for the fact that our God is a God of completion. That even if I only feel thirty percent healed, that I rejoice, because He is big, He is complete, and the seventy percent remaining is on its way. Amen!

My mind hasn't been clouded, and my heart is secure. 

My soul has grasped and held on to the love of the Father, 

and I have been able to worship from a place like never before. 

A couple days ago, I felt the need to take a pregnancy test. I had been feeling some different symptoms. Usually I hype myself up to the point of panic before I take a test, because I've been so used to so many negatives. But as I got ready and took the test, peace and rest was all over my bathroom. I set the test on the counter, and got ready to hop in the shower. 

On my way to the shower, I looked, and it was negative. 

My heart didn't even sink, like so many previous times. 

I didn't question God. 

I didn't even ask "why?" 

In fact, I felt a song rising up out of my heart, like warm liquid worship; I didn't even think, and I felt utterly in His Spirit, almost outside of myself -

and I found myself singing out from my heart and soul

"Great is thy faithfulness, Lord God my Father. 

There is no shadow of turning with thee. 

Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. 

As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be. 

Great is thy Faithfulness. Great is thy Faithfulness! 

Morning by morning new mercies I see. 

All I have needed thy hand hath provided. 

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." 

And my heart sang it, over and over, and it overflowed to a roaring, intense melody 

coming out of my lips. 

It was loud, and strong, and my ears heard it and my eyes saw it. 

And I thanked the Lord. For a failed test. So my heart could sing His praise in thanksgiving and joy for who He is, and who I am in Him.

Clean Hands

This morning, I was looking up a song for a dear friend, and as I let the rest of the album play, this song came on.

And as the song played, I grabbed Evelyn and we danced across the living room.

Because the truth is...

No matter how hard I try, I cannot get the dirt off of me to be worthy enough to stand

 in the presence of the Lord. 

Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart.

Psalm 24:1-4

But through Jesus, through His atoning sacrifice, 

my hands become clean, and my heart pure. 

That He might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:27

And it's really awesome, because just last night, with a group of believers, we washed our hands together in anointing oil before we entered into prayer and worship and communion, as a symbol to remind ourselves that we have been declared clean! and worthy! by the blood of the Lamb to approach His throne and stand in His presence.

I love these lyrics from our dear friend - 

You have ripped down the veil

and ushered us in,

into Your presence!

So I CAN stand in the presence of the Lord every single day!

Yes, I screw up. I sin. We all do. 

We ask God to search our hearts and reveal the sin to us, so we can deal with them properly.
Search me and know my heart O God. See if there is any wrong thing in me.

And Christ, at the cross, paid for it ALL - past, present, and future - so we can have
clean hands and a pure heart to stand in His presence.

So yes, we danced. Danced because I don't have to try my hardest to scrub the dirt off -
Christ did it for me!
Danced, because in the presence of the Lord, there is joy! 

His Promises and Faithfulness

We spent a beautiful, glorious weekend at a condo on the beach. Even though it is only a short drive from our home, spending the weekend felt like a mini-vacation. We relaxed, enjoyed the 5th floor view,  swam, ate, laughed, and soaked up family time.

Sunday morning, I had a few moments alone on the balcony. Evelyn was still sleeping, and Michael went to play guitar at a church service on the beach. I sat, listened to the waves, breathed in the ocean air, and soaked in the presence of The Almighty. I found myself in the Psalms, and let His promises remind my heart of His faithfulness. And oh, how my heart needed the reminder. Thing after thing builds, and soon my heart and flesh grow weak.
I feel like I can't breathe. 

But then His voice, through the Scripture, through the sound of the waves, through the sweet conversation with a friend, through family time, through intercession, through grateful worship, 

cuts through and reminds me that 

I am His. 

Later that day, as we were on the bridge headed home, I was thinking about the immensity of the ocean. The strength of the waves, the vastness of it all, and I realized that at any moment, the strength of the water could overcome the shore and flood the land. But, God has everything so intricately put together, that we are confident, assured, and trusting that will not happen. He promised us in the Bible that He would never again flood the earth. He has remained faithful to that promise, and to all of the promises in the Bible, and all of the promises that He sings over His children. He even gave us a reminder of His promise - the rainbow.

He's a good daddy. 

I was deep in my thoughts about the ocean, rainbows, His promises, and I happened to glance up, and there it was - a beautiful rainbow. 

It's like God placed it there just for me - I literally had just been thinking about His promise through the rainbow! He put it there to remind me of and confirm His faithfulness in my life 

and in my little family's life. 

The truth of the rainbow is this - He is faithful. He will not go back on His word. His promises are good and true and beautiful in His time, in His will. And His will, the good and pleasing will, will be accomplished! 

It's like He said "Yes, Rachel. The world can seem weighty and immense with the pummeling waves, but look to the sky. See the rainbow? I AM here. My promises are here. Breathe Me in."

So as I breathe deep - I breathe YHWH. 

And I look to the rainbow.

She Kept All These Things In Her Heart

Luke 2:19

But Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.

(referencing the glorious birth of Jesus)

Luke 2:51

And His mother stored all these things in her heart.

(referencing Jesus as a child teaching in the temple)

I look at my daughter, and I know that God has destined her for greatness. That she is chosen, that she has a purpose, and that she's been gifted for a reason. 

Every night as I hold her as her tired eyes drift asleep, I pray that the Lord's anointing would be on her, even as she sleeps, and that she would be filled with the Holy Spirit now to accomplish His will. Children are the greatest in God's kingdom, and we are called to child-like faith. There's no doubt in my mind that my 19 month old can experience the fullness of God.

And I see it. I feel it. As I watch, observe, I place the things that I see and hear in my heart, and I think of them often.

As I see people, even strangers immediately transformed through her laugh and her sounds - I hear the very voice of God.

As I am holding her on my hip, in prayer for a friend, she places her hands on my friend as if to join us in prayer. Later, my friend told me that she felt power and peace in her touch. 

As I see people drawn to her, I know it is His joy in her that people are drawn to.

As I sit and pray and worship in my living room, and I feel her hands gently stay on my back as she stands behind me, peace immediately comes over me. Her hands carry peace. It's as if she's interceding for me in those moments. 

As we drive down the road, and worship songs come on, and without any prompts or instruction, my babe claps, sways and lifts, raises, reaches her hands to the Lord - and she worships. 

As she climbs up on the piano bench and plays a sweet melody and sings with her sweet voice, it is like oil poured out in worship. 

I keep all of these things in my heart, because I know that before time ever was, before the foundations of the world, God held Evelyn in His hand and only has greatness for her, and has a divine plan for her life that will shake the earth. 

He Restores Completely

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Our enemy is real. He tries to steal our health, kill our unborn babies, and destroy families. 

But we, we are overcomers - 

Through His precious blood - just one drop of His blood overcomes it all, and crushes the enemy.

Restoration and redemption has been stirring in me the past couple days.

I heard this lyric from some spontaneous worship - 

What was lost is not lost forever. What was stolen from you, He restores completely.

And then I heard this lyric, from Will Reagan - 

With the wind at our backs and in the strength of the Lord we will rise on the wings of the dawn

We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen.

It's in the blood of the One who's worthy. I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken.

So come and see the turning of the tides, come and see his sons and daughters rise.

For how could He who did not spare His own Son not freely give us victory against the darkness

of nights.

We're going to take back all the enemy has stolen, we're going to plunder the pits of hell.

I've been filled with passion, fire, hunger, and clarity. And I look back on all those years of the lukewarm and wish that this passion and fire inside could've been this big years ago...why did it take me so long to clearly see? But then God gave me the vision to see that He is working it into the good to be a part of His redemptive plan in my life - that the years that the enemy stole, the things he tried to destroy and kill, are all restored completely to me, through the blood of the One who's worthy. 

-That those years were used to build my foundation - even though it was head knowledge, I am softened enough for it to make the transfer from head knowledge to heart knowledge. 

-That the times Satan has tried to steal my health, Jesus restores my body completely because He is the healer, because of His broken body for me at the cross.    

-That the times I felt like I was walking in circles trying to figure out my calling and giftings and wondering if God forgot about my purpose - He has redeemed those moments by giving me clarity, understanding, and putting all of the fragments and glimpses together. 

So, my dear friends, I say it again, and proclaim it over you - 

What was lost is not lost forever. What was stolen from you, He restores completely!

Amen. 

   

House of Prayer

I know I should be blogging the first topic in my blog series as I promised in my previous post, but today, something else has been stirring in me. I will get to my series...eventually!

Isaiah 56:7 ESV

These I will bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.

Matthew 21:13 NLT

He said to them, "The Scriptures declare, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer...'"

(also referenced in Mark 11:17, Luke 19:46)

Why is the American church failing? I think there are so many reasons, some being - not a true understanding of identity in Christ, lack of love, apathy...

Today, our churches are filled with small groups, committees, sermon series, church boards, classes, 4 song set lists, everything timed and planned down to the minute, theatrics that try to draw you in and conjure some worshipful experience. We go in, say our hello's, stand up, sing, clap when the worship leader tells us to, don't get too close to people, ask for prayer for our "unspoken" request, keep ourselves from getting too emotional during a praise song, look at our watch when we think the pastor needs to wrap up, tell people that we will pray for them, go back home, turn on football, and take a nap, get ready for the work week. Those are all good things, but after experiencing them, do you walk away thinking that there has to be more? 

There IS more!

It's time to take off the lenses of religiosity that we've been looking through for so long. 

Christ is calling us deeper, in love, so we can see Him face to face, call Him and run to Him as our daddy. 

Maybe it's time to return, American church, to what Christ called a "house of prayer." 

Where we ask for heaven to come on earth. 

Where we don't care about time.

Where the focus is prayer and worship. 

Where we shout and jump for joy, joy that He's filled us with.

Where we take God out of the box we've put Him in.
Where we leave the 99 to go after the 1, even if it interrupts the service.

Where we find freedom to worship, even with our emotions.

Where we don't judge others' worship experiences.

Where we ask for more revelation.

Where we don't care about titles.

Where we don't care about denomination labels.

Where the Pastor throws out His prepared sermon because the Lord is leading him elsewhere.

Where a love encounter brings us face to the floor.

Where we lay hands and pray - right then and there.

Where we claim His promises over us, yes, even His healing promises. When He went to the cross, He not only died for souls, but for ALL of our infirmities - our sicknesses, our diseases, our fears, our anxieties.

Where we experience freedom.

Where we experience the power of the Holy Spirit in us, and with Him in us at all times, we can heal, deliver, set free, break the chains of those around us!

Where we all gather to pray together, worship together, encourage each other, hear from God together. 

Where prayer is our focus - because that's what He called it to be. 

One taste of it, and we will want more and more, to the point that every single day, we are asking for more revelation, we are worshiping in our homes, our incense is rising day and night to Him, and we are living in the spiritual, not the natural. Our prayers will be rising every second of every day, and we can be so in tune to the Spirit that we can experience more and more revelation through dreams, visions, things He lays on our hearts, hearing His voice, words of knowledge. 

Call it emotional, call it pentecostal, call it what you want. Put whatever label you want on it - that's once again putting God in a box. How can you possibly label freedom, prayer, our relationship with God??

The truth is, for years, we've been preparing for the movement and asking God for to gather His bride. The movement has begun. Can you feel it? There is a shifting, a stirring, a sifting. The earth and the heavens are even groaning.  

All of hell is being unleashed to wage war against all of the earth, against believers. The Bible says that there will be great confusion, even among believers. So stand firm! Root yourselves in Scripture. Surround yourselves with godly warriors. 

Pray without ceasing!

Pray, pray, pray!

Enter His house of prayer with expectant hearts. 

I Asked...He Answered (introduction)

In my previous post, I mentioned that I had been asking God for more revelation in my life. I've been in a season of rest for sometime now, and have written frequently about that, but now I feel I am moving into this new season of revelation.

My hubby and I recently made a change in where we attend church, and it has been like huge breaths of fresh air for us, spiritually and relationally. It has been a time of seeking God, and listening to Him. It is my hearts desire, and I have genuinely been asking, for God to rest His revelation on me. And He has heard me, and I feel like I am being downloaded with fresh revelation from Him. 

I in no way feel that I have some extra special connection with the Holy Spirit that other believers don't have in where God speaks to me more, but I know that when you genuinely ask and seek for something, He will answer. Every believer can have immense revelation through the Holy Spirit. 

So I am going to start my first blog series, about the things that I've been learning and what God has been showing me. I'll be sharing my heart about - 

Living in the supernatural, spiritual

Prophetic words/words of knowledge

Illnesses/disease

Healing 
Believer's identity in Christ 
Unity
Maturing as believers 

Come back soon for part one! 

15 Months

Yes, it has been almost three months since I've blogged. I've had every intention of blogging more, but my daughter is extremely busy. And when she goes down for her one nap a day, there are so many other things that need to get done! 

But blog, I have not forgotten about you!!!

Evelyn is 15 months old today. The days are whirling into each other, and I can't seem to make sense of the time and how it passes. Our days are filled with pretend cell phones, baby dolls, swings and slides, purses, walks, and tea cups. And throughout all of this, I pinch myself as I see my baby grow, and my love for her overflows. 

She's climbing on everything possible. She even climbed into our fireplace. For some reason, the fireplace is one of her favorite things to play with. It's a see through fireplace, centered in our house. One day, she decided to open the glass doors. Well, she opened them so hard that they came completely off, stripping the screws that held them in place...which means we have to order new ones. 

She loves "talking" on her many play cell phones, and enjoys shopping with her cart. She loves to grab a book and snuggle up on my lap. We try to read, but I end up giving kisses and she gets frustrated. Her vocabulary is expanding every week, and my house if filled with "hi, daddy, gingey, baby, pretty, uh-oh, hot," and random syllables that try to imitate "bellybutton."

She had her doctor check up the other day, and weighed in at a petite 20 pounds 7 ounces, and 32 inches longs. My little pumpkin...

Because many family members pitched in for her birthday, we were able to put up a really cool swing set in out backyard - it has a few different swings, a treehouse, and a slide. We usually spend every afternoon out playing on it, and she loves exploring the yard, too. 

One of her favorite spots is a stump.

Anytime she hears the trainer helicopters coming, she stops, waves, and says "hi" until they are out of sight. If only the pilots could see her...I'm sure it would bring smiles to their faces!

 Christmas was very low key. But we enjoyed it very much, and soaked in all the restful time at home together. Evelyn's expressions as she opened her presents were priceless...

God has been teaching and revealing things to me, sometimes I cannot even wrap my head around it all. I prayed and asked God for more revelation, to break off any religious pretenses I may have, and being a good, good Daddy, He has heard me and rested his revelation on me daily. 

I'll dig deeper into it for you soon...

Love, love, love and His peace to you all.

The Festive Festivities!

The party is now over, her birthday has come and gone. 

And now my little baby is one year old!

We had a wonderful day celebrating her birthday with our family and closest friends.

I'll tell you all about it through photos...

 She loved her birthday outfit! 

 Lots of love from Grammie & Pop-pop and Grandma Bev!

 She covered herself in pink frosting

And then we celebrated her actual birthday by trick-or-treating with Evelyn's friends!

I still haven't taken down the photo banners and pink hanging tissue balls and orbs....they are so cute! 

It was so incredible to have Grammie & Pop-pop stay with us for over a week, and my dear Evelyn got so attached. She still looks for them when I ask where they are. Evelyn was able to get lots of love from them, and I was able to soak up some much needed alone time with them. And my mom is amazing - I wouldn't have been able to put on the party without her!

I had to take Evelyn in to the doctor, not for her one year appointment, but because she has a cold - the first sickness she's ever had! Poor girl has a rattly cough and stuffy nose, but it's just a cold. While we were at the doctor's, we discovered that she's cutting her molars, which is probably contributing to some of her discomfort with this cold.

Oh, and she now weighs a whopping 19 pounds! :)

My little girl is quite the social bug, she loves waving at everyone and saying in the sweetest high pitched voice "hi!" She loves to wave at big trucks and helicopters, too. 

She is in love with this soft pink bear that she calls her "baby," and loves to hug and kiss it. She even says "baby!" And she says "daddy" a lot. She doesn't say "Mommy" much, but don't worry, my feelings aren't hurt! 

I'd like to write more, but that's all for now, because I'm battling a nasty cold, too. My poor husband, he has to deal with both of his ladies being sick! Pray for us, will you?

One

One year.

One year ago, the answer to our prayers was placed in our arms - red, warm, and screaming at the top of her lungs. As I kissed her little head for the first time, the tears flowed and my heart felt whole, complete. Those blue eyes met mine, and I was forever changed.

Our miracle grew, and every day was filled with new wonders and delight, and now today, as my baby woke with sweet cries, I found myself staring at a beautiful one year old. 

One year - filled to overflowing with thanksgiving and praise.

Thank you, my sweet Evelyn.

All I need to do is look at you, and God's power is shown.

You are proof that God still heals, God still performs miracles.

You are evidence that my body is healed.

You give hope to others.

Your smile, with those two dimples, lights up everyone's day. Even strangers are impacted by the beautiful creation that you are, and through your smile and joy, you point them to Jesus.

You truly are the meaning of your name - life. You've brought life to my soul, and I pray that as you grow, you will bring life to others through the hope of Jesus Christ. 

You are joy.

Every morning when you wake up, as you wave and sweetly say "hi," you remind me that His mercies are new every morning.

I see the transformation that has happened in daddy, through you, through God. And my heart is so overwhelmed.

You have changed me. 
Because of you, I believe.

You have taught me grace, when I most desperately need it. You extend it to me. When I feel like I'm failing as a mother, or question my purpose, you point me back to Him.

When I doubt if this is truly a high calling, you show me it is the highest.

You have taught me true thankfulness.
Your little whispers of "da-da-da-ta-ta-ta" are life to my soul.

You have made me want to be a better person. And I am today, because of you. 

You have made me laugh until tears pour down my face.

You exhaust me, and I sleep so well at night, because of all the fun we have during the day. 

You have brought your daddy and I together like never before in our marriage.

You are teaching me how important it is for our home to be a haven of peace and rest.

As you went from sitting to crawling to walking, you show me the beauty of transformation.

You have changed my prayers, my outlook, my perspective, my relationship with Him.

You have changed this heart of mine into a mother's heart. 

You show me patience.

Your strong will, persistence, and stubbornness are going to be some of your greatest strengths, as God cultivates them. 

Your laugh makes my heart leap.
Your toothy grin is the best medicine on a hard day. 

Through you, God has revealed greater things and deeper transformation.

I know God's calling on your life is huge, my sweet girl. You are going to do amazing things in this life, you already have in mine. 

Happy birthday, my precious miracle, my little pumpkin. I love you.