Father's Day

Happy First Father's Day, my beloved.

We're proud of you and the man that you have become. 

We pray that God continues to shape and mold you as you lead our family. 

We love you.

Love,

Rachel and Evelyn

At A Loss

I'm at a loss as to what to title this post. There is much that I want to say, much that I want to type, but be prepared- my words will not be eloquent, they will simply be my words. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what God is leading me through in this season that He's placed me in. These stirrings have caused tears, pain, and questions, but I have to cling to and know that God is in it all. It has been such a different and hard place. Where are you leading us, God? What are you doing? Oh, how I would love for that to be answered, but for now, this is what I know, and what I am striving for...

A while back, I wrote about a season of rest that I feel I am in, that I am still in. I've questioned this season, trying to find its purpose. One night in our small group, a word was given to someone else, but I know that it was spoken for me. The gist of it was - "God is prepping you for something greater, so rest in that time, in that season. Bask in it." And it clicked. In this season, I must, I need to, I have to rest in God allow Him to prepare me for greater things. And that preparation must include devoted time to Him. This spoken word, this revelation, was confirmed to me in the days that followed through many other things. Verses about resting in HIM fell into my lap. Another word was personally given to me by a great pastor, saying that he saw me crumpled up in a ball on the floor and Jesus was hovering over me. And once again, it clicked - I so desire to know the purpose for this season, and my heart aches for answers and directions, but Jesus is there, hovering over me, just waiting for me to look up and rest in Him, in this time He has for me. So yes - greater days are coming. So I will soak in this time of rest knowing that God is working and preparing me for something huge. And I must do my part and dig deep in prayer and the word.

I think many times I try to look way too far ahead. When we were dealing with infertility, I had my eyes focused on our future baby. Now, in my time of rest, I want to see ahead to understand why I'm in this time. In my job as a teacher, I counted down the days until my last. But what about being in the now? Not just being in, but standing in the now. What things have I missed in those moments because my eyes were fixed on the "ahead"? What was God trying to teach me in those moments where I was so caught up in planning the future. I don't want to miss my here, my now. I want to live in the now. I have been given this precious miracle, my beautiful baby girl, and I don't want to steal "now moments" away from her because of my desire to see and understand the future. So I must lay down my 5 year plan, my desire to have more children, my desire to see where God is going to take us, and simply live in the now that I have, the now that God has given me. 

A couple weeks ago, we visited family in Jacksonville. And it just so happened that the church we went to that Sunday had Steven Furtick as a guest preacher. He spoke on gratitude, and let me tell you, it hit my hubby and I hard. We want a better job, a better place to live, a better couch, etc...

and His message really spoke to both of us about living in gratitude. So we're taking on this new perspective, this new challenge, to live gratefully in every aspect of our lives - grateful for material possessions, grateful for each other, grateful for our baby, grateful for Jesus. To be grateful for every single breath that I take, that I've been given this life!

Michael and I found ourselves talking about hearing God speak....and how we long to hear Him, and hear Him speak about so many things - his job, where we belong, our church. But in this season of rest that He has us in, He has been extremely quiet. We hear silence. So we've resolved that we won't speak until He speaks, that won't act until He tells us to. We won't make decisions until He guides us through them. And this song, lyrics and all, explain exactly how I'm feeling...as long as it takes.

This season that we're in also has brought feelings of loneliness, isolation, and not knowing where we really belong. For me personally, I have really struggled with this. One evening, as I was home alone with my girl, I was feeling extremely lonely and alone. My heart ached and tears fell - it was one of those moments where I never felt so alone. I had expressed on a social media how I longed for Jesus to physically and visibly be there next to me, to hug me and ease those feelings of loneliness. And a song was given to me. As I listened and let the song wash over me, more tears fell as I felt the loving arms of Jesus envelop me. And when those lonely feelings creep in, I just turn on this song and let it soak...

I've been struggling with my purpose. For so many years I was so busy serving in church, teaching at work, and striving to see my "next" that I feel that I somehow lost my purpose along the way. And now in this season of rest, it has become front and center. I've been battling some negative feelings and thoughts.... Many times, the day in and day out mundane gets me down, and I wonder if I am making a difference, if I am fulfilling my purpose and calling. But what about fully and presently stepping into my role as a mother? For too long, our society has lessened the role of the mother, on moms who want to be moms. I took notes on a Mother's Day message from the House of Prayer that I keep going back to, daily, to remind myself of my great calling as a mother. They are simple truths, but truths that I need to be reminded of. Some of the major points are:

• Don't be afraid to be a mom, don't miss where God is working
• world changers are born because of mothers
• The calling that God has put in you is huge
• God has put something inside of you to believe for the impossible
• There are huge things that God is wanting to birth through you
• anguish in prayer

Shew! And now you know why I was at a loss in titling this post - there are probably five separate posts within it!

But to sum it all, I am claiming this over my life-

God is not done with me. I'm called. God has His hand on me. My best days are yet to come. He is prepping me for greater things. I will rest in this time, stand in this season, bask in Him, feel His loving arms...

And because I tend to worry about much, fear about tomorrow, and desire to control, I will cling to this simple chorus - "I've got love, joy, peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit!" 

Attacks On the Family

One of the major things that the enemy attacks with all his might is the family. Specifically, the Christian family. We see it all too often in the church - adulterous affairs, addictions to pornography, sexual sin - and we stand there and scratch our heads and try to figure out how this could happen to "that couple" or "that family" that we thought had it all together. And we try to cover up and sugar coat and sweep it under the rug. 

But let's be real. authentic. honest. 

Our families need to be drenched in prayer, in accountability, in honesty, in openness. 

This video explains it perfectly, from the mouths of babes, from the mouths of our children. 

I watched this video last night. 

And today, I received devastating news that left me feeling sick to my stomach, left my heart hurting, and my head questioning. Someone I love is totally broken by yet another attack on the family. 

Prayer.

Prayer transforms.

Prayer breaks the cycle.

Prayer is our defense against these disgusting and brutal attacks. 

Join me, please, in prayer. For our future generations, your children, my children.