One

One year.

One year ago, the answer to our prayers was placed in our arms - red, warm, and screaming at the top of her lungs. As I kissed her little head for the first time, the tears flowed and my heart felt whole, complete. Those blue eyes met mine, and I was forever changed.

Our miracle grew, and every day was filled with new wonders and delight, and now today, as my baby woke with sweet cries, I found myself staring at a beautiful one year old. 

One year - filled to overflowing with thanksgiving and praise.

Thank you, my sweet Evelyn.

All I need to do is look at you, and God's power is shown.

You are proof that God still heals, God still performs miracles.

You are evidence that my body is healed.

You give hope to others.

Your smile, with those two dimples, lights up everyone's day. Even strangers are impacted by the beautiful creation that you are, and through your smile and joy, you point them to Jesus.

You truly are the meaning of your name - life. You've brought life to my soul, and I pray that as you grow, you will bring life to others through the hope of Jesus Christ. 

You are joy.

Every morning when you wake up, as you wave and sweetly say "hi," you remind me that His mercies are new every morning.

I see the transformation that has happened in daddy, through you, through God. And my heart is so overwhelmed.

You have changed me. 
Because of you, I believe.

You have taught me grace, when I most desperately need it. You extend it to me. When I feel like I'm failing as a mother, or question my purpose, you point me back to Him.

When I doubt if this is truly a high calling, you show me it is the highest.

You have taught me true thankfulness.
Your little whispers of "da-da-da-ta-ta-ta" are life to my soul.

You have made me want to be a better person. And I am today, because of you. 

You have made me laugh until tears pour down my face.

You exhaust me, and I sleep so well at night, because of all the fun we have during the day. 

You have brought your daddy and I together like never before in our marriage.

You are teaching me how important it is for our home to be a haven of peace and rest.

As you went from sitting to crawling to walking, you show me the beauty of transformation.

You have changed my prayers, my outlook, my perspective, my relationship with Him.

You have changed this heart of mine into a mother's heart. 

You show me patience.

Your strong will, persistence, and stubbornness are going to be some of your greatest strengths, as God cultivates them. 

Your laugh makes my heart leap.
Your toothy grin is the best medicine on a hard day. 

Through you, God has revealed greater things and deeper transformation.

I know God's calling on your life is huge, my sweet girl. You are going to do amazing things in this life, you already have in mine. 

Happy birthday, my precious miracle, my little pumpkin. I love you.

Today

It's only 11 am, but today, as I emptied the dish washer, vacuumed the floors, made my smoothie, changed yet another diaper and wiped another tear, I've had some overwhelming feelings....

Peace.

Yesterday, I blogged about our desire to have more children. And honestly, it was weighing heavy that entire day. Today, that desire remains, but that heavy feeling has been replaced by peace. I feel free of it. I know my God is bigger, I know my God is greater. I look at my sweet baby and see that I've already been healed. As my wise and godly mother said, "God will provide the way..." 

Relish.

I woke up to sounds of chatter from Evelyn, and as I went to go snuggle my almost-one-year-old-baby, I was reminded to relish in these moments, because they are moments that will be gone like a vapor. She will continue to grow into the godly, world-changing miracle that she has been called to be. So I relish with all of my heart in the here and now, in every smile, every tear, every snuggle, every laugh, wave, kiss and chatter.  

Thanksgiving.

I am so full of thanks for what God is doing - there's a lyric that keeps running in my head - "He's doing a new thing, so we're singing a new song."

Miracles of life.

Do you need to be reminded that God still heals, that He still works miracles? That "signs and wonders" still do happen? I suggest you visit a few stories...not just stories, but accounts of living, breathing people, my friends. You can read about Christy, Jessica, and myself. 

So, Do You Want Another Baby?

I've been hearing the above question from time to time.

And my answer is, without a doubt, yes.

I think some people ask that because of a few reasons:

• they're wondering if I've been scared off from having more due to the work and sheer exhaustion from the last 12 months.
• they think everyone should "be fruitful and multiply" as much as possible, as often as possible
• they're wondering if I still have fertility issues, and if that scares me
• they're just being nosey

No, I was not scared off - it has been a lot of work, but the best work ever.

Yes, I agree with being fruitful and multiplying, in the way that God is leading me.

Yes, infertility scares me. If I think about it too much, I feel like I can't breathe. 

And, it's okay to be nosey, I am too. Except I don't like it when people I don't even know think it's okay to ask such personal questions!

Michael and I have both said, a lot lately, that we would love it if I were pregnant right now. It is our desire to have more children! I play out time scenarios in my head - like, if I got pregnant now, our children would be 22 months apart, or, if I get pregnant in 2 months, they will be two years apart... If it were my plans, my hands, I'd be pregnant now...but I cannot keep doing that to myself and my family. I am daily releasing it, asking God to hold it in His hands...Surrender...

I am not sure what is happening with my body and cycle right now. I'm still breastfeeding, so my hormones are crazy, and I have not had a patterned cycle that even hints at ovulation.

I could walk right back in to that fertility clinic, and I'm sure they could get me on more "treatment" plans that would turn me into a crazy woman once again...and my flesh says "do it."

But my soul, my spirit, both say no. I just can't.

Right now, where I am at today.

I have a peace, a solid feeling, a confirmation, to just pray. 

Trust God.

And I am asking you to pray. Pray for my body, to do what it was made to do. Pray for my emotions, for my spirit, for my husband. Pray for my daughter - thank God for the blessing and miracle that she is, and pray that we soak up and enjoy this time as an "only child." Pray that the Lord gives us another child. Stand in the gap for me when I doubt. Lift my hands when I cannot lift them on my own. Claim healing, claim His promises over me.

Hi, Friends!

11 Months

My Lil Pumpkin is 11 months old.

I'm not sure I am ready to come to terms with the fact that she will be one year old in just a few short weeks. It's bittersweet, because all the new things that she's doing and discovering are so much fun, but time is just going by too fast. All those people that tell you that you blink and your child is grown - they are right. 

She now has six teeth! Four on top, two on the bottom. I love her toothy smiles, but the teeth really change her looks - she's losing her baby look, and becoming a toddler.

Speaking of toddling, she took her first steps a few weeks ago! And now she is walking all over the house, and has gotten so good at it. My business and tiredness has gone to a whole new level now. Nap times are a must - for her and me!

I am so excited to say that we had her ears pierced. They look so stinkin cute on her. So girly. She did great during the healing process, but the poor girl cried and cried after she got them done. I think everyone in that doctor's office thought she was being tortured or something!

All of the little new things that she does brings such joy to my heart, like - drinking from a sippy cup, pointing with her little finger, turning lights on and off, pushing the garage door button, patting me on the back, waving her hands at everyone, and clicking her tongue. She is definitely a talker, and loves to yell and scream. I haven't heard any words yet, but she definitely can tell a story using her own words - I often laugh because it sounds like she's speaking in tongues, you never know, right?

At her last check up, she weighed 17 pounds, 13 ounces, and was 29 inches long. She's very long and lean. And that would explain why all of her pants are too short and too loose around the waist.

I am currently surrounded by a million pink projects for her birthday party. The theme is "pretty in pink" and there is going to be so much pink everywhere! I am so excited to be able to celebrate her life, to celebrate the beautiful gift that God has given us!

Aaaaand my child is adorable. Look at those eyes!

XOXO.