Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Michael, Rachel, Evelyn, and Baby Boy

18 Weeks

Today, I am 18 weeks and 6 days.

Pretty much half way through this pregnancy.

Halfway?!?! 

I know, I too cannot believe it!

Yesterday, we had our anatomy scan ultrasound. As I've said before, this baby has had incredible movement, and for several weeks, I have been feeling movements every day, every single time I sit or lay. So it was so much fun to see the baby move all over the place on the ultrasound. The tech had a harder time getting all the pictures and measurements that she needed, because baby was enjoying kicking and moving. 

Baby's heart rate was 151, and everything was perfect and healthy.

Evelyn even enjoyed coming with and "seeing baby on tv."

So, the main reason for this post...

Evelyn is pleased to announce that she will be having a baby brother! She is one proud big sister.

We are totally thrilled, and I think Michael is in shock! 

And, it's pretty cool to see that all those feelings and dreams and words that I had about a boy were correct. 

God is so faithful.

We are so incredibly thankful for His blessings and miracles in our lives.

Catching Up

As of today, I am 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

I have so wanted to blog weekly like I did through Evelyn's pregnancy, but my days are full of fun with my two year old, and when I get a break, my booty ends up on the couch. 

And yes, I said two year old. I can't believe she's two.

The disciplining and sheer defiance has been difficult and wearing, but grace is a powerful thing. There have been horrible days where we both meltdown, but I feel as if I am learning through the process, how to handle my emotions, how to handle hers. And that has mostly come by prayer are grace. Evelyn is a beautiful child, and her personality is incredibly beautiful. But, it is challenging. She is determined, strong willed, knows what she wants when she wants it, resourceful, and defiant. But I've always said that when cultivated, these qualities will be amazing. It just requires a lot of prayer and grace and guidance from The Lord. :)

I've entered the second trimester, and I am starting to feel better. I am so incredibly thankful to be eating real food regularly again, and the throwing up has stopped, for now. Once in a while, I still feel nauseated, but it's nothing that I can't handle! I'm just waiting for the energy boost to kick in any day now! The exhaustion is hard, it keeps me at home most of the week, but I actually am enjoying the time just playing with Evelyn. Although, it is incredibly wonderful to get out of the house when I do. 

I realized the other day that it's not going to be just me and Evelyn for very long. I've purposed to make the most of our mother-only child time, and have had fun playing with her and taking her on "dates" to Chick fil A or Target. The other day, we were on a breakfast date, and as I was watching her eat, I was just so overwhelmed with how amazing she is. I am one blessed mama, and am so incredibly thankful. 

On October 30, we had our 12 week check up. The baby's heartbeat was at 148, so it definitely dropped a bit. Everything looked great, so we don't see the doctor again until 18 weeks, where we will do the ultrasound and find out if we are having a girl or boy!

I have been feeling the baby move since about 12 weeks. Most would say that this is impossible, but I know what I felt. And when it moved for the first time, do you know what verse The Lord gave me? He brought me to the chapter where John the Baptist leapt in Elizabeth's womb. I believe these early movements are my baby worshiping God and being filled with the Spirit, I truly do. I know that may sound odd, but that is what God showed me. And what's really cool, is that I had a man of God prophetically confirm that to me, that these movements were no coincidence. Remember my 8 week ultrasound? As we were watching our little miracle, it's entire body began moving. And the ultrasound tech was amazing, saying that she was surprised to see that kind of movement so early. My little baby is praising God!

I was reminded today of eucharisteo - thanksgiving, that it always, always precedes the miracle. And I remembered the place I was brought to months ago, a place of total and utter thanksgiving to my God. My life and story is a living testament to eucharisteo preceding the miracle. 

12 Weeks

I am now 12 weeks pregnant!

On October 2, we went in for our first appointment and ultrasound. Everything looks perfect. I have a due date of May 9, 2014, and the baby's heartbeat was 178.

The weeks that have followed since finding out about miracle #2 have been...hard.

I have had EXTREME morning sickness, actually all-day sickness. The all day nausea, food aversions, throwing up, and sheer exhaustion have been hard. To be honest, there are days where I feel that I'm not going to make it, that I can't do this. And what makes it harder is that my beautiful almost-two-year-old has entered the terrible twos. My days over the past six weeks have been the same - staying at home like a hermit because I feel too awful to go anywhere. I count down the hours everyday for when Michael comes home, so I can get a little help. And Michael has been amazing - taking care of dinner, grocery shopping because I am too nauseated to be in a grocery store, picking up the slack on taking care of the house, and giving me breaks from Evelyn.

I truly, truly, do not want to sound like I am complaining. Because the truth is, I would go through this "morning sickness" for the rest of the pregnancy if it meant my baby is safe, healthy, and growing. I would do anything for my baby, even if it means I turn into a hermit with bad skin, greasy hair, no makeup, a wardrobe of t shirts and yoga pants, and diet of cereal, oatmeal, and yogurt.
Every morning, I wake up, thank the Lord for another miracle baby in my womb, and ask Him to be my portion for the day. 

What has been interesting is that this pregnancy has been TOTALLY different from Evelyn's. With her, I wasn't sick at all. I was tired, but not exhausted. It has been fascinating to see the differences all ready! Both grandma's are convinced it's a boy...we shall see around Christmas time!

One of the sweetest things about being pregnant with another baby is watching how Evelyn understands. I swear she gets it. No joke. We took her to the ultrasound, and now she daily asks to see the video of the baby. She lifts up my shirt, pats my tummy, and says "hi baby!" She will even kiss my tummy. Adorable, I know. 

Speaking of my tummy, I feel like I am totally showing already. I didn't really show with Evelyn until about 15 weeks. But they say with a second pregnancy, you show much sooner. Which makes sense. At first it was all bloat, but now I think it's a lot of baby. It is 2.5 inches long this week and the size of a large plum!

The Rest of the Story...

As I said in my previous post, our story and the details leading up to this baby are meant to be shared. The Lord clearly spoke that to me just days after I found out I was carrying another miracle. He spoke to me that His glory and His power are displayed and manifested through all the details. 

One of my dear friends and mentors, a woman of God, within minutes of hearing that I was pregnant, looked me square in the eyes, and said "This baby is the breakthrough that you've been praying for. And this baby will bring breakthrough to others." And I firmly believe that to be true, even as this baby is growing in my womb. The breakthrough I needed was total and utter trust in God, surrender in my heart, praising and thanking Him for who He is and not just His hand. And through our story, I believe others will experience breakthrough. 

As you browse through my blog, you can see that our journey to conceive Evelyn was a difficult one. We tried on our own for a year, and then sought the help of a fertility clinic for an additional year. Through the clinic, I had many tests and procedures done, and was given the diagnosis of anovulatory infertility (my body does not ovulate, I don't get periods) and it was labeled unexplained. So after several rounds of treatments, we became pregnant with Evelyn. And she is our first miracle. And I want to be clear on one thing - fertility treatments did not get me pregnant, a miracle of the Lord did. 

After Evelyn was born in October of 2011, my husband and I had the conversation about having more children. We did not want to wait. So we decided to not "prevent" at all, hoping that I would be pregnant within the year, hoping that the first pregnancy "fixed" my body and would somehow kick my body into working correctly. And the Lord specifically spoke to both of us that we were not to seek any treatments or any medical help this time - fertility treatments had been my way of controlling the situation, almost like I thought I'd just take everything in my own hands.  But this time, He spoke, and we obeyed - He told us that it would all be by His hand, that He would be our healer, helper, and would receive ALL of the credit. He was growing my faith, trust, obedience, and belief through that. Surrender. 

So a year went by. We were now celebrating our dear Evelyn's first birthday. And there was a longing in my heart. In my "plan," I had wanted to be pregnant by then. But, my body only did around 4 cycles in that year, making it impossible to time things.

I remember it was heavy on my heart one Sunday in late October, and we headed to church. Worship was amazing, but I didn't feel like worshipping. And the guest preacher, during his message, walked over to me and said "God is already ahead of a situation in your life. Believe it." My heart lurched. That statement was vague, but in that moment, it meant the world to me. God was once again increasing my belief.

Now fast forward to Spring of 2013. We sat down to dinner with our dear pastor friends, and as I poured out my heart about my desire for another child, our pastor's wife told me that this time needed to be a time of thanksgiving and joy for who our God is. And to rest in that. I listened, and agreed, but I honestly felt like that was a daunting challenge. And so I prayed. I dug into the word. I listened for the Lord. And through that time, the Lord shaped and molded so many things in my life, and spoke many things to me, not necessarily having to do with a baby, but more importantly, my spiritual relationship with Him. It felt like a season of open heaven releasing revelation after revelation to me.

On April 28, we had Evelyn dedicated. As our Pastor was praying over Evelyn, he began to pray this over me
"We release as you said over Hannah, God you are the one who opens and closes the womb, so Lord God, we ask that you open the womb for Rachel. Because Lord, you have more. Church, would you agree with me right now for more children? God we thank you for more right now. And we say that no weapon will form against her in the name of Jesus." 
Every time I listen to that prayer, I weep for joy, thanksgiving. It was amazing, humbling, to have my entire church body stretch their hands and stand in agreement for more children. Our friends, our family, have stood beside us, lifting us in prayer, holding up our tired arms. Those prayers of the many saints would be answered.

In mid June of 2013, we again sat down with our pastor friends. I shared my frustrations with my body not working properly and not ovulating. And I remember Pastor Arnie looked at me right in the eyes and said "Are you thankful for your womb? Have you given thanks for it?" And bam, smack. That hit me. I had not. In all actuality, I had been cursing my womb, saying things like "why don't you work properly?" "What's wrong with me?" And that moment was a complete shift for me. I realized that the Lord made my body in His image, to function as it was made to do. And through my words, I had been condemning and cursing the very thing that He created to work perfectly. Perhaps I was standing in the way of my own fertility. There is power of death and life in the tongue. It's as if I had embraced infertility as a part of who I was, a part of my identity. So from then on out, I began to speak blessing over my body, thanksgiving over my womb. Because the truth is, I do not believe for one second that the Lord caused infertility. Only good and perfect things come from the Lord, and infertility is not good or perfect. I wanted to give credit where credit is due - we have a real enemy who comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, and he knows that the minute I would have a child, we would give it right back to the Lord. I always wondered why so many believers have dealt with infertility and miscarriage. The enemy knows that children of christian parents are a threat, that we are raising the next generation in greater power and authority - so he does everything in his power to prevent them from even entering this world. Well, I was not having that. At all. What the enemy intended for harm, God worked to the good.

Just days before that meeting with our Pastor in June, I had a clear and precise dream. I believe it was from the Lord, because whenever I dream prophetically, they are incredibly vivid and clear, and the Lord gives me the discernment to know when it's from Him. In the dream, I was talking to my friend Sheree about how God dumped the name "Evelyn" on us, and now He did the same with the name "----" (not going to share the name quite yet.) And the name just happened to have huge, amazing meaning for our situation. I shared that dream with Sheree, and found out that in the same week, she had been having dreams and visions about her and I sitting and talking about babies. Also, that same week, my mother in law dreamt that we announced we were pregnant. It's amazing to me how the Lord speaks to us in our dreams. They are not coincidence. And let me just say, that Sheree, I believe, was a mouthpiece of God, honestly and firmly coming alongside of us to take me to the place of joy and thanksgiving, for even being thankful for my womb.

It was July 23. I was live streaming a Jesus Culture conference. They were talking briefly about healing, and one of the points was "even if you feel 30 percent healed, give thanks, because our God is a god of fullness and completeness. The other 70 percent is coming because of the completeness of Christ." I loved this. I soaked it in and gave thanks. Because getting a period here or there was my 30 percent. And I believed that my 70 percent was coming. And it was.

Just a few days after that, some pregnancies of people that I know were announced. And I felt downright attacked from the enemy. I was happy to hear about new life, but at the same time, the enemy was whispering lies, jealousy, bitterness, envy. I felt like I had been in a great place of choosing thanksgiving and joy, and then it hit me. Was praying so hard actually striving? I thought "maybe I am striving. Maybe I should be in a place of just resting in Him because of the coming miracle, and not so focused on the prayers of 'please God' or feeling like I had to fight for a miracle." I realized that I had been begging God for a baby, when He already knew my heart and desires. And God clearly, so clearly, responded immediately. And I was shocked at His response, because I never thought I would hear this from God. I audibly heard his voice - He told me to stop praying. To instead trust, and be in thanksgiving for who He is. I thought this would be difficult to stop praying for the thing I wanted most, but He made it easy. And my worship totally changed. I saw Him in a whole new way, I saw His heart, I saw who He is. And all I could do was fall at His feet and worship Him because of who He is. I allowed Him to literally swoop in and take total and utter control. He changed me. In a matter of weeks. And a miracle was coming.

On August 11, about 3 weeks after the Lord told me to stop praying, we were in worship at church. My dear friend Cori, who knew no details about what had been going on in the past year in regards to babies, placed her hand on my tummy and prayed. The Lord gave her a picture that the start button was being pushed on the production line, that there was newness, and a hospitable environment was being formed. She even felt a baby as she touched my stomach. I was in tears, thankful that God gave her this prophetic picture to remind me of His control, His sovereignty. Little did we know at that time that indeed, the production was beginning at that very moment.

On August 22, I blogged a post called "Great is Thy Faithfulness." This happened about a week after Cori's prayers for me. Here is an excerpt -

A couple days ago, I felt the need to take a pregnancy test. I had been feeling some different symptoms. Usually I hype myself up to the point of panic before I take a test, because I've been so used to so many negatives. But as I got ready and took the test, peace and rest was all over my bathroom. I set the test on the counter, and got ready to hop in the shower. 

On my way to the shower, I looked, and it was negative. 

My heart didn't even sink, like so many previous times. 

I didn't question God. 

I didn't even ask "why?" 

In fact, I felt a song rising up out of my heart, like warm liquid worship; I didn't even think, and I felt utterly in His Spirit, almost outside of myself -

and I found myself singing out from my heart and soul

"Great is thy faithfulness, Lord God my Father. 

There is no shadow of turning with thee. 

Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. 

As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be. 

Great is thy Faithfulness. Great is thy Faithfulness! 

Morning by morning new mercies I see. 

All I have needed thy hand hath provided. 

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." 

And my heart sang it, over and over, and it overflowed to a roaring, intense melody 

coming out of my lips. 

It was loud, and strong, and my ears heard it and my eyes saw it. 

And I thanked the Lord. For a failed test. So my heart could sing His praise in thanksgiving and joy for who He is, and who I am in Him.

I praised God for that failed pregnancy test, because I was able to pour out from my spirit my worship for His faithfulness. No matter what.

And throughout all of these months, my husband would wake up regularly in the night. And he would pray over my womb. I know he shook the atmosphere with those nights of intercession. He battled in the night, and proclaimed the Father's faithfulness in the dark hours. He is a man of God.

September 9. I read my dear friend Christy's blog about healing in her life, and was able to rejoice and be reminded of our God's sovereignty. And in that moment, I needed to hear her words and be encouraged once again. Little did I know what the next day would hold.

September 10. I had been feeling off for a few days. So I decided to take a test. And it quickly and clearly showed that I was pregnant. I was shocked. I wept. I praised God. And I stared at the test, rubbing my eyes, thinking "can this really be true?"

As I said before, I don't get regular periods. At all. Since having Evelyn, (almost two years!) I can count on my hands the number of times I've gotten a period. And sometimes the cycles were 90+ days, 33 days, 62 days. There was no way of telling. Which meant no way of knowing when I ovulated. So timing was completely out of our hands. Again, surrender.
But on the cycle that I got pregnant, I'm pretty sure I knew when I ovulated. For the first time ever, I could physically feel that I was ovulating. But for some reason, Michael and I just didn't "do it." I'm not sure why. We've been trying since Ev was born. You get the idea...Anyways, when I look at the calendar, we only "did it" one time near ovulation - actually two days after. Only one time and after! Which means that is a total move of God. No other explanation.

If I had any doubt of His healing, or His faithfulness, all of that doubt has been crushed. All of those dreams, words, prayers, instructions from the Lord, people in our lives, they were all perfect and pointing to the coming miracle.

So then, The Lord told me that our story is meant to be shared. Including all of the details. He moved the way He did and His time to show His power and glory in our lives, to speak to others, to crush doubt, and to bring deliverance and breakthrough to me and to others.

It took two long years to get pregnant with Evelyn, our first miracle, and another two long years of prayers and tears to get pregnant with this baby, our second miracle. But, God worked in those years. He was there. He saw it. And He weaved redemption through it all.

I'm pretty sure that every single one of us is in need of a miracle, or miracles. It could be physical, spiritual, financial, relational. 

And I'm here to tell you do. not. give. up.

If you are struggling, growing weary, waiting and praying and waiting some more, let the miracles around you refresh your faith and restore you belief in the power and glory of God.

In the many days where I grew weary in the walk, I had to recall to mind the miracle babies that I have witnessed.

I recalled the Selahs. The Isaaks. The Judes.  The Emmas. The Cadences. Because they are miracles. And my God is able, He is faithful. 

So look around you. Look at the miracles happening in the lives of the ones you love, in the lives of strangers, and in the lives of the ones who have gone before us. Because God still works and moves and heals and delivers.

"If we wait just a little bit longer, we will find out who You are." 

Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom. You are exalted as head over all.

1 Chronicles 29:11

You are worthy, our Lord God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.

Revelation 4:11

From Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:36

Miracles. Healing. Yes, My God is Able.

My dear friends.

God is so faithful. 

He is MY healer.

I've wondered over the years why we've gone through what we've gone through. 

Why the thing I wanted most of all in this world was almost impossible to get....

But with God, ALL things are possible.

And I've been given a clear answer - the waiting, the praying, the listening, the tears, the longing,

 all of it -

Shows HIS power and HIS glory at work.
And what the enemy intended for harm, God worked to the good.

And our story, I firmly believe that The Lord told us that it is meant to be shared. 

So you can see His power, His glory, at work, today. 

And so you can witness another miracle in our lives...

Miracle baby #2 is due in early May, 

making me currently 12 weeks pregnant. 

And as I said before, our journey leading up to this miracle is meant to be shared. The details of how God worked over these past two years, through visions, dreams, prophetic words, scriptures, listening to His voice, being obedient - it all is utterly amazing. 

Sometimes when I think of it all, I get overwhelmed at Him, and I shake my head in amazement and simply say "wow" as the tears of thanksgiving fall.

And I am left in awe of my Jesus and how He worked through it all to display His glory.

I will fill you in on it all in my next post. 

For now, thank and praise Jesus with us for our little miracle. 

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Back in June, I had a great conversation with a dear friend about the place I am in regarding more babies. It is my hearts desire, and sometimes I get discouraged in the wait. She told me that I need to be in a place of joy and thanksgiving, for my womb, for who God is, for His completed work. And I listened, I was convicted. I asked the Lord to bring me to that place. I thought it would be hard, but His grace has been more than sufficient. 

About a month later, I was talking with Michael about my prayers for more children. And through our conversation, I realized I had been begging God for my heart's desire. And I never thought the Lord would tell me this, but He told me "stop praying for it." Because I need to rest in Him, and know that He knows my heart, my desires, my tears. I need to destroy the lie that "if I pray more and more, God will hear me." That only created striving on my part. Once again, I thought it would be nearly impossible to stop praying for this, but He has made it seem easy. I feel I am in His rest, in His hand, that He has taken me under the shelter of His wing. And I am able to worship out of a place of joy and thanksgiving, for who He is, and for the fact that our God is a God of completion. That even if I only feel thirty percent healed, that I rejoice, because He is big, He is complete, and the seventy percent remaining is on its way. Amen!

My mind hasn't been clouded, and my heart is secure. 

My soul has grasped and held on to the love of the Father, 

and I have been able to worship from a place like never before. 

A couple days ago, I felt the need to take a pregnancy test. I had been feeling some different symptoms. Usually I hype myself up to the point of panic before I take a test, because I've been so used to so many negatives. But as I got ready and took the test, peace and rest was all over my bathroom. I set the test on the counter, and got ready to hop in the shower. 

On my way to the shower, I looked, and it was negative. 

My heart didn't even sink, like so many previous times. 

I didn't question God. 

I didn't even ask "why?" 

In fact, I felt a song rising up out of my heart, like warm liquid worship; I didn't even think, and I felt utterly in His Spirit, almost outside of myself -

and I found myself singing out from my heart and soul

"Great is thy faithfulness, Lord God my Father. 

There is no shadow of turning with thee. 

Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. 

As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be. 

Great is thy Faithfulness. Great is thy Faithfulness! 

Morning by morning new mercies I see. 

All I have needed thy hand hath provided. 

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me." 

And my heart sang it, over and over, and it overflowed to a roaring, intense melody 

coming out of my lips. 

It was loud, and strong, and my ears heard it and my eyes saw it. 

And I thanked the Lord. For a failed test. So my heart could sing His praise in thanksgiving and joy for who He is, and who I am in Him.

Clean Hands

This morning, I was looking up a song for a dear friend, and as I let the rest of the album play, this song came on.

And as the song played, I grabbed Evelyn and we danced across the living room.

Because the truth is...

No matter how hard I try, I cannot get the dirt off of me to be worthy enough to stand

 in the presence of the Lord. 

Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His holy place?

He who has clean hands and a pure heart.

Psalm 24:1-4

But through Jesus, through His atoning sacrifice, 

my hands become clean, and my heart pure. 

That He might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:27

And it's really awesome, because just last night, with a group of believers, we washed our hands together in anointing oil before we entered into prayer and worship and communion, as a symbol to remind ourselves that we have been declared clean! and worthy! by the blood of the Lamb to approach His throne and stand in His presence.

I love these lyrics from our dear friend - 

You have ripped down the veil

and ushered us in,

into Your presence!

So I CAN stand in the presence of the Lord every single day!

Yes, I screw up. I sin. We all do. 

We ask God to search our hearts and reveal the sin to us, so we can deal with them properly.
Search me and know my heart O God. See if there is any wrong thing in me.

And Christ, at the cross, paid for it ALL - past, present, and future - so we can have
clean hands and a pure heart to stand in His presence.

So yes, we danced. Danced because I don't have to try my hardest to scrub the dirt off -
Christ did it for me!
Danced, because in the presence of the Lord, there is joy! 

His Promises and Faithfulness

We spent a beautiful, glorious weekend at a condo on the beach. Even though it is only a short drive from our home, spending the weekend felt like a mini-vacation. We relaxed, enjoyed the 5th floor view,  swam, ate, laughed, and soaked up family time.

Sunday morning, I had a few moments alone on the balcony. Evelyn was still sleeping, and Michael went to play guitar at a church service on the beach. I sat, listened to the waves, breathed in the ocean air, and soaked in the presence of The Almighty. I found myself in the Psalms, and let His promises remind my heart of His faithfulness. And oh, how my heart needed the reminder. Thing after thing builds, and soon my heart and flesh grow weak.
I feel like I can't breathe. 

But then His voice, through the Scripture, through the sound of the waves, through the sweet conversation with a friend, through family time, through intercession, through grateful worship, 

cuts through and reminds me that 

I am His. 

Later that day, as we were on the bridge headed home, I was thinking about the immensity of the ocean. The strength of the waves, the vastness of it all, and I realized that at any moment, the strength of the water could overcome the shore and flood the land. But, God has everything so intricately put together, that we are confident, assured, and trusting that will not happen. He promised us in the Bible that He would never again flood the earth. He has remained faithful to that promise, and to all of the promises in the Bible, and all of the promises that He sings over His children. He even gave us a reminder of His promise - the rainbow.

He's a good daddy. 

I was deep in my thoughts about the ocean, rainbows, His promises, and I happened to glance up, and there it was - a beautiful rainbow. 

It's like God placed it there just for me - I literally had just been thinking about His promise through the rainbow! He put it there to remind me of and confirm His faithfulness in my life 

and in my little family's life. 

The truth of the rainbow is this - He is faithful. He will not go back on His word. His promises are good and true and beautiful in His time, in His will. And His will, the good and pleasing will, will be accomplished! 

It's like He said "Yes, Rachel. The world can seem weighty and immense with the pummeling waves, but look to the sky. See the rainbow? I AM here. My promises are here. Breathe Me in."

So as I breathe deep - I breathe YHWH. 

And I look to the rainbow.

She Kept All These Things In Her Heart

Luke 2:19

But Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often.

(referencing the glorious birth of Jesus)

Luke 2:51

And His mother stored all these things in her heart.

(referencing Jesus as a child teaching in the temple)

I look at my daughter, and I know that God has destined her for greatness. That she is chosen, that she has a purpose, and that she's been gifted for a reason. 

Every night as I hold her as her tired eyes drift asleep, I pray that the Lord's anointing would be on her, even as she sleeps, and that she would be filled with the Holy Spirit now to accomplish His will. Children are the greatest in God's kingdom, and we are called to child-like faith. There's no doubt in my mind that my 19 month old can experience the fullness of God.

And I see it. I feel it. As I watch, observe, I place the things that I see and hear in my heart, and I think of them often.

As I see people, even strangers immediately transformed through her laugh and her sounds - I hear the very voice of God.

As I am holding her on my hip, in prayer for a friend, she places her hands on my friend as if to join us in prayer. Later, my friend told me that she felt power and peace in her touch. 

As I see people drawn to her, I know it is His joy in her that people are drawn to.

As I sit and pray and worship in my living room, and I feel her hands gently stay on my back as she stands behind me, peace immediately comes over me. Her hands carry peace. It's as if she's interceding for me in those moments. 

As we drive down the road, and worship songs come on, and without any prompts or instruction, my babe claps, sways and lifts, raises, reaches her hands to the Lord - and she worships. 

As she climbs up on the piano bench and plays a sweet melody and sings with her sweet voice, it is like oil poured out in worship. 

I keep all of these things in my heart, because I know that before time ever was, before the foundations of the world, God held Evelyn in His hand and only has greatness for her, and has a divine plan for her life that will shake the earth. 

He Restores Completely

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Our enemy is real. He tries to steal our health, kill our unborn babies, and destroy families. 

But we, we are overcomers - 

Through His precious blood - just one drop of His blood overcomes it all, and crushes the enemy.

Restoration and redemption has been stirring in me the past couple days.

I heard this lyric from some spontaneous worship - 

What was lost is not lost forever. What was stolen from you, He restores completely.

And then I heard this lyric, from Will Reagan - 

With the wind at our backs and in the strength of the Lord we will rise on the wings of the dawn

We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen.

It's in the blood of the One who's worthy. I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken.

So come and see the turning of the tides, come and see his sons and daughters rise.

For how could He who did not spare His own Son not freely give us victory against the darkness

of nights.

We're going to take back all the enemy has stolen, we're going to plunder the pits of hell.

I've been filled with passion, fire, hunger, and clarity. And I look back on all those years of the lukewarm and wish that this passion and fire inside could've been this big years ago...why did it take me so long to clearly see? But then God gave me the vision to see that He is working it into the good to be a part of His redemptive plan in my life - that the years that the enemy stole, the things he tried to destroy and kill, are all restored completely to me, through the blood of the One who's worthy. 

-That those years were used to build my foundation - even though it was head knowledge, I am softened enough for it to make the transfer from head knowledge to heart knowledge. 

-That the times Satan has tried to steal my health, Jesus restores my body completely because He is the healer, because of His broken body for me at the cross.    

-That the times I felt like I was walking in circles trying to figure out my calling and giftings and wondering if God forgot about my purpose - He has redeemed those moments by giving me clarity, understanding, and putting all of the fragments and glimpses together. 

So, my dear friends, I say it again, and proclaim it over you - 

What was lost is not lost forever. What was stolen from you, He restores completely!

Amen. 

   

House of Prayer

I know I should be blogging the first topic in my blog series as I promised in my previous post, but today, something else has been stirring in me. I will get to my series...eventually!

Isaiah 56:7 ESV

These I will bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.

Matthew 21:13 NLT

He said to them, "The Scriptures declare, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer...'"

(also referenced in Mark 11:17, Luke 19:46)

Why is the American church failing? I think there are so many reasons, some being - not a true understanding of identity in Christ, lack of love, apathy...

Today, our churches are filled with small groups, committees, sermon series, church boards, classes, 4 song set lists, everything timed and planned down to the minute, theatrics that try to draw you in and conjure some worshipful experience. We go in, say our hello's, stand up, sing, clap when the worship leader tells us to, don't get too close to people, ask for prayer for our "unspoken" request, keep ourselves from getting too emotional during a praise song, look at our watch when we think the pastor needs to wrap up, tell people that we will pray for them, go back home, turn on football, and take a nap, get ready for the work week. Those are all good things, but after experiencing them, do you walk away thinking that there has to be more? 

There IS more!

It's time to take off the lenses of religiosity that we've been looking through for so long. 

Christ is calling us deeper, in love, so we can see Him face to face, call Him and run to Him as our daddy. 

Maybe it's time to return, American church, to what Christ called a "house of prayer." 

Where we ask for heaven to come on earth. 

Where we don't care about time.

Where the focus is prayer and worship. 

Where we shout and jump for joy, joy that He's filled us with.

Where we take God out of the box we've put Him in.
Where we leave the 99 to go after the 1, even if it interrupts the service.

Where we find freedom to worship, even with our emotions.

Where we don't judge others' worship experiences.

Where we ask for more revelation.

Where we don't care about titles.

Where we don't care about denomination labels.

Where the Pastor throws out His prepared sermon because the Lord is leading him elsewhere.

Where a love encounter brings us face to the floor.

Where we lay hands and pray - right then and there.

Where we claim His promises over us, yes, even His healing promises. When He went to the cross, He not only died for souls, but for ALL of our infirmities - our sicknesses, our diseases, our fears, our anxieties.

Where we experience freedom.

Where we experience the power of the Holy Spirit in us, and with Him in us at all times, we can heal, deliver, set free, break the chains of those around us!

Where we all gather to pray together, worship together, encourage each other, hear from God together. 

Where prayer is our focus - because that's what He called it to be. 

One taste of it, and we will want more and more, to the point that every single day, we are asking for more revelation, we are worshiping in our homes, our incense is rising day and night to Him, and we are living in the spiritual, not the natural. Our prayers will be rising every second of every day, and we can be so in tune to the Spirit that we can experience more and more revelation through dreams, visions, things He lays on our hearts, hearing His voice, words of knowledge. 

Call it emotional, call it pentecostal, call it what you want. Put whatever label you want on it - that's once again putting God in a box. How can you possibly label freedom, prayer, our relationship with God??

The truth is, for years, we've been preparing for the movement and asking God for to gather His bride. The movement has begun. Can you feel it? There is a shifting, a stirring, a sifting. The earth and the heavens are even groaning.  

All of hell is being unleashed to wage war against all of the earth, against believers. The Bible says that there will be great confusion, even among believers. So stand firm! Root yourselves in Scripture. Surround yourselves with godly warriors. 

Pray without ceasing!

Pray, pray, pray!

Enter His house of prayer with expectant hearts. 

I Asked...He Answered (introduction)

In my previous post, I mentioned that I had been asking God for more revelation in my life. I've been in a season of rest for sometime now, and have written frequently about that, but now I feel I am moving into this new season of revelation.

My hubby and I recently made a change in where we attend church, and it has been like huge breaths of fresh air for us, spiritually and relationally. It has been a time of seeking God, and listening to Him. It is my hearts desire, and I have genuinely been asking, for God to rest His revelation on me. And He has heard me, and I feel like I am being downloaded with fresh revelation from Him. 

I in no way feel that I have some extra special connection with the Holy Spirit that other believers don't have in where God speaks to me more, but I know that when you genuinely ask and seek for something, He will answer. Every believer can have immense revelation through the Holy Spirit. 

So I am going to start my first blog series, about the things that I've been learning and what God has been showing me. I'll be sharing my heart about - 

Living in the supernatural, spiritual

Prophetic words/words of knowledge

Illnesses/disease

Healing 
Believer's identity in Christ 
Unity
Maturing as believers 

Come back soon for part one! 

15 Months

Yes, it has been almost three months since I've blogged. I've had every intention of blogging more, but my daughter is extremely busy. And when she goes down for her one nap a day, there are so many other things that need to get done! 

But blog, I have not forgotten about you!!!

Evelyn is 15 months old today. The days are whirling into each other, and I can't seem to make sense of the time and how it passes. Our days are filled with pretend cell phones, baby dolls, swings and slides, purses, walks, and tea cups. And throughout all of this, I pinch myself as I see my baby grow, and my love for her overflows. 

She's climbing on everything possible. She even climbed into our fireplace. For some reason, the fireplace is one of her favorite things to play with. It's a see through fireplace, centered in our house. One day, she decided to open the glass doors. Well, she opened them so hard that they came completely off, stripping the screws that held them in place...which means we have to order new ones. 

She loves "talking" on her many play cell phones, and enjoys shopping with her cart. She loves to grab a book and snuggle up on my lap. We try to read, but I end up giving kisses and she gets frustrated. Her vocabulary is expanding every week, and my house if filled with "hi, daddy, gingey, baby, pretty, uh-oh, hot," and random syllables that try to imitate "bellybutton."

She had her doctor check up the other day, and weighed in at a petite 20 pounds 7 ounces, and 32 inches longs. My little pumpkin...

Because many family members pitched in for her birthday, we were able to put up a really cool swing set in out backyard - it has a few different swings, a treehouse, and a slide. We usually spend every afternoon out playing on it, and she loves exploring the yard, too. 

One of her favorite spots is a stump.

Anytime she hears the trainer helicopters coming, she stops, waves, and says "hi" until they are out of sight. If only the pilots could see her...I'm sure it would bring smiles to their faces!

 Christmas was very low key. But we enjoyed it very much, and soaked in all the restful time at home together. Evelyn's expressions as she opened her presents were priceless...

God has been teaching and revealing things to me, sometimes I cannot even wrap my head around it all. I prayed and asked God for more revelation, to break off any religious pretenses I may have, and being a good, good Daddy, He has heard me and rested his revelation on me daily. 

I'll dig deeper into it for you soon...

Love, love, love and His peace to you all.