Today, I'm Thankful For...

Knowing that God makes all things new

A cranberry limeade from Sonic

Barbecues and pool parties

The FL heat. Yes, I said the heat. I've survived too many nasty cold winters to complain about the heat

A coffee date with a dear friend

A loving glance and wink from my husband

A pedicure where the best part was conversation, advice, and wisdom from a godly best friend. I am blessed by her and so thankful.

A flutter that I think might be baby moving

An encouraging and supportive conversation with my boss, which ended in her telling me "I love you."

A friend asking how the pregnancy is going

Blogs that encourage, inspire, and remind me that I am only human and we all really have the same struggles

A beautiful card in the mail - beautiful because of what was hand written inside

My relationship with my parents

Walking around all afternoon with a sweet two year old's hand slipped in mine, and how that makes my heart soar every time.

A smile from a friend. No words needed or had to be spoken

My clothes getting tighter and tighter

Someone asking me how I was, and really interested in how I really, truly am doing

A song sung or played at the perfect time

An email full of a dear friend's heart

Plane tickets to see my family who are so far away

Prayer

The last week of school

Being reminded that the best is yet to come

Snuggling by the pool in our towels

That still, small voice that sometimes is a gentle whisper or a great shout

What are you thankful for today?

My Growing Belly

I finally feel like the baby is starting to actually show, instead of just being bloated. Earlier this week, Dr. S told us that I should notice major growing changes in the next 2-4 weeks. I am so excited! I'm ready to look like I am pregnant!!! It's still hard for people to to tell just by looking at me, especially when I wear my normal jeans and tops. But when I wear dresses or sweatpants, I definitely can tell! So, here are the latest photos of my growing belly - I think they are just beautiful because they are showing my growing miracle!

13 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

Michael and I had dinner last week in Mobile, so we decided to leave early and do a little exploring. I have never been to Fairhope, Daphne, or Spanish Fort, so we traveled there. I absolutely loved Fairhope - it is a hidden jewel that doesn't seem to be that well known. I loved the quaint downtown area, but most of all, I loved the Municipal Park. It lies right on the bay, and also has some beautiful ponds with geese and ducks and turtles. It was gorgeous. So, we seized the opportunity for some photos!

My little bump!

Little bump is peeking out!

I love you already, little one! 

And Daddy loves you so much too! He already talks to you a lot. 

Much love to you all...

16 Weeks

Today we had our 16 week prenatal visit, and everything was great! I weighed in at 124, which means I have a total weight gain of 2 pounds to date. We once again heard the most beautiful, most amazing sound in the world - our baby's heartbeat. It brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. It was strong, measuring in the 150s BPM. And, I was delighted because the nurse that we had let us listen a lot longer this time. Hubby even recorded it on his phone! Dr. Sontag measured my uterus, and he said everything, all the measurements, my weight, and other tests look perfect. We were offered some other testing which could reveal any genetic disorders, such as downs or trisomy, but we declined. It wouldn't change anything for us. It is still our baby. But, we are believing and claiming a perfect, healthy baby!

I thought we were going to go back in in four weeks, but we will actually have our next prenatal visit in three weeks, on Monday, June 20. This is the big one, where the anatomy scan will be done, which means a long ultrasound with lots of pictures - hooray!!! And, we have decided that we will definitely find out the gender! We've had so many people ask what we think or what we hope we are having. We aren't "hoping" for a certain gender - we just want a healthy baby. We've waited so long for our miracle, that it does not matter one bit what our baby is. God knew our baby before it was even formed; He has great plans for our baby, and He knows what we are meant to have. Many have also asked if I have a "feeling" one way or the other, but honestly, I do not have any "feelings." It is going to be so much fun to find out!!!

Check back soon, I will be posting the latest and greatest growing belly photos!

We love you all, and thank you so much for continuing to pray for us and our little miracle. 

A Continual Work

I'm a work in progress. I will always be. Just when I think "Okay, God, I have this figured out and I'm working on it," something else that needs attention becomes extremely evident. And I am okay with that. God continually works in our lives, pruning away the dead branches, growing us into climbing vines. Over the past two years, it feels as if God has been emptying me out, tearing out what I thought I knew about Him, and replacing it with His truth, and what He wants for me. And God is still doing it. I feel as if I am on the threshing floor. As I read back over my blog, I can see how God has been working and teaching, and how I had to come to the end of myself, and truly know what it means to "give it to Him," to pray, read, study. And I am a work in progress. I will never stop learning about surrender, the daily battles that I face will not suddenly come to an end. I still grapple, battle, struggle with my identity, my purpose, His purpose, what this all means. But, through constant study, prayer, and sowing into a true relationship with Him, I am given the ability to make it through, to see God's hand in my life, and to "fight the good fight."

I think some people have the impression that since God gave us our miracle, everything is peachy. That somehow, life is perfect now that God has given us the desires of our heart. I believe that so many times we have misguided thinking that says that if we are given _____, life will be complete and perfect. "If God would only bless us with _____ , then ______ ." Then we would spend our lives chasing after the next thing that we desire, thinking that it will fix everything, fix all of our issues. Only God can fix everything and fill that hole. (I touched on this in a previous post not too long ago.) But I'm here to tell you that God is still doing a major work, which is at times and most days, painful. Don't get me wrong and think that I am not thankful, rejoicing, and in awe of our miracle every day! Every day, throughout the day, my heart is singing His praise. But, no matter what you are given in this life, no matter the blessings that you receive, God will still be working, pruning and trimming. The life of the Christ-follower is filled with mountains and valleys, and just when you've made it to the top of your mountain and can breathe in the fresh air, guess what you see in front of you? Another mountain to climb... But that is where God works. He works in our valleys, He works in our mountains. The blessings that we receive show us God's faithfulness and His glory, and we are to remember those blessings in the good, and especially trying times, so we are a testament to others and to ourselves.

I am still in awe of our miracle. I have not lost that, I never will. I will never forget what we've been through, what we're going through. But I know that God is still working, molding me on the threshing floor. He has brought front and center some incredible insecurities that I have. Satan knows these insecurities, and he has been going on that attack, especially more intensely since God blessed us with our miracle. So I feel like I am dealing with much, sorting through things and seeking Him as things are brought to light. I'm not sure what all this will look like in the end and what changes I will need to make, but I know there will be decisions and changes. He is doing a work, a shifting, a sifting.

I will not run. I will not waiver. I will pray. I will stand firm in Christ - even when these times and seasons and changes are most difficult. 

I will leave you with Philippians 1:6. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The good work is usually, actually, more like always, paved with heartache and pain, and it is only at the completion will we truly see God's ultimate redemptive plan. Notice that it doesn't say "will carry it on to completion until tomorrow. Or until one year. Or five years. Or until you've given up, or given in, or been through my fair share." It says until the day of Christ Jesus.  The hope lies in "will carry it on to completion," not maybe, perhaps, or probably, but will. Everything will be redeemed. Everything will be restored. 

The Hope of a Miracle

Today I am 15 weeks. Baby is 4 inches long and the size of an apple.

I am in awe of the precious life growing inside of me.

This is a miracle. I should not be pregnant. 

I was reminded by my dear friend of the hope that a miracle gives. She's been with me from day one in our journey.

She reminded me of Michael's first test result - that it was poor and not good good news at all. I remember weeping in his arms when we received the news. Later, his second and third tests revealed that things were "normal." He was healed, before our very eyes. 

We tried everything. Timing, charting, several fertility treatments. I couldn't get pregnant naturally - my body did not, would not, could not ovulate. The weeks before we were going to proceed with IUI, I was pregnant. I was healed. The doctors were shocked. I was stunned. But God was not surprised. 

God still heals.

God still performs miracles. 

God can heal you, He can perform a miracle in your life. 

There is hope. 

Discontent

I'm finding myself in a place of discontentment. It has been building strongly over the past year. Most people's knee-jerk reaction to the word discontentment is "Be thankful, be content in all situations." But this is a different discontentment. It is a place where God has been bringing me, where I believe He is working. I think God often brings us to a place where we are no longer content or comfortable, and that is where He moves. Call it sifting, shifting, working, moving, revealing, guiding. You see, I fully believe God has so much more for me, and where I am in life. Disclaimer: Please see my heart in this, and please understand that I am not aiming this at a certain person, peoples, church, or denomination. A lot of it is directed at myself!  Perhaps I can better explain it this way...

I am no longer content with "getting through" the day.

I am no longer content with simply attending church with all of the other attenders, and putting in our weekly dues. 

I am no longer content with playing keys on a Sunday morning because it's what I like to do.

I am no longer content with putting on our happy, smiling faces and running around with the facade that "my life is perfect and you don't need to see my pain." Authenticity, raw and true, is deeply needed. 

I am no longer content with continuing to let the voiceless have no voice.


I am no longer content with how the generation before us "did" Christianity. It's time for revival and relevance. 

I am no longer content with labels and politics. I used to be passionate about politics, but frankly, I don't care if you sit on the left, right, or middle. We still need Jesus - no matter what your political statements are. 

I am no longer content with judging others solely based on appearance, first impressions, and life circumstances.

I am no longer content with people being in pain and us not doing a thing about it. So many are carrying hurt and are in pain.

I am no longer content with hearing "I'm praying for you" and then not following through. Let's stop and pray right now, not caring who is watching or listening, or how uncomfortable it may feel.

I am no longer content with the church being people-pleasers, critics, politicians, and gossipers. Where is the church that HE desires??


I am no longer content with my heart not breaking for what breaks His.


I am no longer content with not allowing my pain to help others, no matter how painful it is for me.


I am no longer content with allowing my joy to be robbed due to my insecurities about relationships, people pleasing, and constantly asking "is everyone okay with me right now? does everyone like me?"


I am no longer content with how society views the modern day church and modern day Christians, and what we've done and how we've failed to cause this. 

I am no longer content with relationships staying surface level. I want to know you, spend time with you, invest in you, grow with you, pray with you.

I am no longer content watching my days fly by without feeling any true purpose or calling.


I am no longer content with not letting the Spirit move past a 4 song set list and some short prayers. My heart desires and longs for deep, Spirit-led corporate worship and prayer, with no limitations.


I am no longer content with not seeing the Word as alive, in my day to day life. 


I am no longer content with the inability to be still before Him.


I am no longer content with being content. 

God is doing a work, a shifting, a changing of the seasons. I don't know what that is going to look like, but I know that things are changing, and I'm not just going to stand by and refuse to follow Him. God is speaking, guiding, directing, and I'm hanging on for dear life as He does - waiting, listening, ready to be moved.

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It seems like chaos, but somehow there's peace.
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly. 
(Sanctus Real)


Seasons change, God stays the same.
He is making everything I go through into something beautiful.
(summary of Ecclesiastes 3:1-11)

So Long 1st Trimester...You've Been Awesome!

I am officially out of my first trimester. I "turned" 14 weeks yesterday. I can't believe how fast it went, and if it's any indication as to how fast the rest of the pregnancy will go, I say "slow down!" I had an incredible first trimester, with everything being so new and fascinating. Every day brought new learning experiences and I truly enjoyed every minute of it. I know that I will never have this experience again - a first first trimester! So, I am trying every day to soak it all in. I'm a little sad about leaving the first trimester, but I am excited about the new things to come during the second. Let's just hope it doesn't go so fast!!!

I still am incredibly tired, but I can manage that with an afternoon nap and an early bedtime! My nausea seems to have disappeared for the most part, with a few occasional nauseous moments. Our nursery is coming together - all the furniture has been put together and set up as of last night. Now just on to decorating! To me, my belly seems to be getting larger by the day, but to everyone else, they can't believe that I am 14 weeks and "not showing." I've just been noticing all of those small changes! And, I've gained two pounds total, which puts me at 124. This pleases hubby greatly, and I'm sure Dr. Sontag will be pleased as well. We go in and see him on May 26th for our 16 week check up. 

Outside of all of the pregnancy news, our lives have been pretty quiet. I've always been one who loves to be out and about, doing something, but lately, I really have become a homebody. It's not that I don't want to do things, I'm just so exhausted, especially after work, that its hard to actually do the things I want to. I've also been feeling a little lonely - I have to attribute some of this to me being incredibly hormonal. But, our close friends have been very busy with their lives and families, and my parents have been up north for a month, and we don't have any other family down here. We just haven't had a lot of quality time with the ones we love, and I'm finding myself really missing that. I'm missing the deep conversations that we have, the accountability, and the fun. I'm feeling a little insecure about it - hoping it's nothing personal or nothing that I've said or done. I'm trying to not let my feelings and emotions get the best of me. I've always been a "people person," pouring a lot into relationships. I'm praying that this is just a short season. A couple days ago, I was talking to God about this, and being incredibly emotional. I heard His voice clearly say to me that during this season, instead of feeling sorry for myself, invest the extra  time that I have in Him, continually digging deeper and deeper, and let Him fill me up and fill that void that I may feel. Let's just say it is a daily work in progress....Work is going well, and summer is just a short 3 weeks away. I'm hoping to announce soon what my work plans are for the fall - things seem to be falling into place, by the grace of God. 

I have to share a little from Pastor Josh's sermon from this past Sunday. I'm loving the series that we are in, called "The Kingdom: Life Upside Down." If you get a chance, visit http://www.libertychurch.net/north-campus to listen to the first two in the series. This past Sunday, Josh's first point was "having a proper attitude toward circumstances." My blessings are not contingent on life's circumstances or happiness, regardless of my outward conditions. The blessings of God are more than what is temporary! And no matter what, no matter if things are going well or not, my need for God stays the same. This really spoke to me. Over the past year and a half, I have come to a place with God that I have never been before. I discovered my true need for Him. I prayed and prayed, constantly. I found for myself that I cannot do it without Him. And even now, when I am feeling blessed more than ever and my desperate prayers for a child have been answered, my need for Him stays the same, just as it did when I was in that deep pit of depression and longing. My heart still needs to hurt for Him. My mind still needs to cry out to Him. Because my circumstances have changed, my need and dependence on Him will not change. I am just as needy now as I was 6 months, 12 months, and 18 months ago. 

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land He has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe His commands, His laws and His decrees that I am giving you today. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God. 

Deuteronomy 8:10-14

Love to you all...

13 Weeks...and pictures!!!

I am officially 13 weeks today, which means I am in the last week of my first trimester. I can't believe how fast it is going already. I have really enjoyed the first trimester, with everything and every day being a new and exciting experience. It seems that while we were on spring break, my belly popped out a little bit - not huge, but a little. People still won't be able to tell I'm pregnant just by looking at me, but I can definitely see my little bump and feel it - it feels pretty tight! 

I love reading all of the books and facts about our growing Swifty. At 13 weeks, the baby is about 3 inches long and weighs between 1/2 and 3/4 ounce. One book said it is the size of a peach. Incredible! The baby has doubled in length since week 7, and definitely looks human. 

We've had so much fun announcing to everyone, and it is so incredible to share our infertility story and speak of God's faithfulness. Every day, I feel like yelling it out, like the Jesus Culture song "So I'll shout out Your name, from the rooftops I'll proclaim that I am Yours, God, I am Yours." 

So here are my first official "belly" pictures. I've found that I have a little bump in the morning, but by the afternoon and evening, I look huge because of what I eat, being bloated, retaining water, etc. I read that this is very normal! So, my pictures are taken in the morning, so you can see the "real" bump. 

Enjoy!!!

March 2 - this was after my blood test at NewLIFE. Even though I had a positive blood test hours before, I had to see the two pink lines! I felt woozy with excitement!!! I was still shaking, and crying, and cheering...

March 4 - 4 weeks pregnant, 122lbs

April 1 - 8 weeks pregnant...no big change!

And, ta-da!!! May 4 - 13 weeks pregnant, 122.5lbs

I've popped a little!!!

Another 13 week photo

 March 30 - 8 weeks

I can't wait for our 20 week ultrasound so I can see how baby has changed!!!

And we can peek to see if it's a boy or girl!!

Thank you all for your encouragement and support. 

Love to you all...