The Fellowship Of The Unashamed

Yesterday morning, Michael and I cleaned out the attic. Our attic was full of boxes from our childhood and things from college. We've been putting it off for so long, but we finally cleaned it out and got rid of A LOT of junk! As I was going through one of my totes, I ran across the following. It was given to me in high school by my youth pastor. I thought you would enjoy it too!

The Fellowship of The Unashamed

We are part of the "fellowship of the unashamed."

We have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast.

We've stepped over the line. The decision has been made.

We are disciples of His.

We won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

Our past is redeemed, our present makes sense,

and our future is secure.

We are finished and done with low living, sight walking, 

small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,

tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving,

and dwarfed goals.

We no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position,

promotions, plaudits, or popularity.

We don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized,

praised, regarded or rewarded.

We now live by presence, lean by faith, love by patience,

live by prayer, and labor by power.

Our faces are set, our gait is fast,

our goal is Heaven, our road is narrow,

our way is rough, our companions few,

our guide is reliable, our mission clear.

We CANNOT be bought, compromised, detoured,

lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.

We WILL NOT flinch in the face of sacrifice,

hesitate in the presence of adversity,

negotiate at the table of the enemy,

ponder at the pool of popularity,

or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

We WON'T give up, shut up, let up, or slow up

'til we've preached up, prayed up, paid up,

stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ.

We are disciples of Jesus.

We must go 'til He comes, give 'til we drop,

preach 'til all know, and work 'til He stops.

And when He comes to get His own,

He'll have no problem recognizing us.

Our colors will be clear!!!

Song of The Week!

This song brought me to tears the first time I heard it - it spoke right to me where I was/am at. 

The Two Week Wait

Ah, the dreaded two week wait. During the five cycles of clomid that I did, I remember that the two week wait from ovulation to when I could take a pregnancy test was excruciating. I would look for every pregnancy sign and symptom and convinced myself that I was more tired, more hungry, and that my boobs were bigger and really sore, when in all actuality, they really weren't.  But, test day would roll around and negative after negative came.  I have realized that I just hyped myself up and thought every little "change" or ailment in my body must be a sign of pregnancy. Every time, I found myself crushed and a tailspin of depression set in. 

I learned a lot during those times. God was teaching me that I could not put my hope and trust in a positive pregnancy test. God is still teaching me that. I am learning that I cannot allow circumstance to steal my joy, and to steal my identity which is only found in Christ. It is in HIS hands, not mine. Oh, what a painful process this is!

I am halfway through my two week wait. Next Wednesday, I go in to NewLIFE to take a pregnancy test. This first week of waiting actually hasn't been too bad - I've been so incredibly busy, the week has FLOWN by, and I haven't had a lot of idle time to let my mind go insane. But I just don't really know how I'm feeling. I of course want a positive test, and that is what we're praying for, but I just don't "feel" like I am pregnant. I know you can't trust your feelings, and maybe I've just gotten pessimistic. I am usually an incredibly optimistic person (that has always been in my personality), but perhaps the months of bad news and negatives have turned me into a pessimist. Oh Jesus, give me radical faith and belief! 

I was reminded last night about God's fulfilled promise to Abraham, and how the Israelites forgot about God's promise to them as they wandered in the desert. They did not lean on and learn from Abraham's faith. So that is what I'm striving to do - learn from and lean on Abraham's faith that the promise would come to pass, because God's word never returns void. HE is my healer. HIS word is always true. HE is the only way we will bear children. HE is the only one that can produce living water from a dead rock. 

My New "Friends"

Yet another early morning visit at the fertility clinic...They know me now. I walk in and the receptionist says "Hey Rachel. How are ya doing? Have a seat." Then when I leave, they say "see you soon!" I've been there so much these past two weeks that they staff are becoming my "friends."

Anyways...

This ultrasound showed that one follicle grew to 20mm. This is great, because that means ovulation is coming! I was given a hCG shot which will trigger ovulation within the next 24-48 hours. So that means it is definitely go time, meaning....lots of sex! Hey, I can say it!! No sugar-coating here! It is what it is. And hey, I'm not complaining!  

We aren't proceeding with the IUI this month. I discussed this with my nurse this morning, and because only one follicle grew to maturity, an IUI is not done. They like to see 2-3 follicles grown, and my body only produced one. So, that means next cycle (if I'm not preggers), we will take a more aggressive approach to get my body to produce multiple eggs - which means femara again but adding more injections, and then if 2-3 eggs are big, then IUI. 

So now we wait. For two weeks. I go back in on March 2 for a pregnancy test. I am praying and believing for a positive!!! 

Love to you all...

C'mon Eggs....Grow!!!

Just a quick update from this morning's appointment at the RE....

We did blood work and an ultrasound, and the ultrasound showed that I have a couple of eggs that are taking the lead and continuing to grow, but none are large enough yet for ovulation. The goal is to have multiple eggs mature enough to be released. Yes, I know this increases our chance for multiples, but we are fine with that. 

So, I go back in on Wednesday for the same appointment, and hopefully my eggs will have grown and then we will induce ovulation with a trigger shot. Then it's go time! 

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day!!!

Be Mine, Valentine

I remember in high school you could buy a flower and have it delivered to that special someone on Valentine's Day during one of their classes. I always hoped I would receive a flower from that certain guy I "thought" I liked, but throughout my high school years, none came. Every year led to disappointment. But now, looking back on that, I know God was protecting me from those fleeting, frivolous school girl romances, and I was saved for my first love, my husband. Thank you Lord!



Yesterday morning, Michael told me that we were going to spend the day in Destin celebrating Valentine's Day. It was a fabulous surprise! Destin is one of my favorite places to go, with its gorgeous beaches and fun city. I was excited and really wanted to go, but slightly hesitant that we should right now with all of our expenses. But, Michael received some money this week that we forgot about, and so we counted it a blessing and hopped in the car and drove!

We spent some time on the beach. It was a gorgeous, sunny day, with not a cloud in the sky. And the water was several shades of emerald and blue. We laid on the beach and cuddled, and went for a walk along the shore. It was beautiful. We spent some time bumming around the city, with a stop at the outlet mall. While we were in Ralph Lauren, Michael found some shirts and went to try them on. The fitting room happened to be right by the baby and toddler clothes. Of course, I had to take a look at them while he was in the fitting room. As I was looking at little boy clothes, my emotions overtook me and my eyes flooded with tears. I thought "why do I do this to myself?" I think the sales lady thought I was crazy as she came over and asked if I needed anything. I put the little boy outfit down and headed back to the fitting room to wait for Michael. Darn emotions...  We had a wonderful dinner at Carabba's....mmmm. We made our way to the town center - I love going there at night because it is all lit up and is so pretty. After a stop at Starbucks, we made our way home.

It was so nice to have a little valentine's getaway with no expectations and no pressure. With everything going on and all of the different things we face, it was so good to simply be ourselves and spend some much needed time together. We walked, talked, laughed, were silent together, held hands, rested, and just enjoyed each other.



Speaking of everything going on, I feel like my husband is being pulled in so many directions. He is being a great husband. He is being an incredible son as he helps his mother grieve the loss of her husband. He is dealing with my infertility and our tries at having a baby. He is leading youth into worship every week. He is dealing with a lot on our worship team, as a musician and a leader. He is going through a ton at work, a lot I don't even know about. I just know it is a lot.

He is a great and godly man, and is doing a phenomenal job. And I don't tell him that enough.



Tomorrow is a big day for us. We will find out at the RE if my treatments have been doing what they should and if I will ovulate. We find out if we will proceed with the IUI.

Song of The Week

A Few Good Eggs

Today I had my second appointment of this treatment cycle at NewLIFE. Once again, blood work and an ultrasound. I had a room full of people join me again during the ultrasound, and one of the nurses said that I have a "little, cute" uterus. That made me chuckle. I didn't know a uterus could be cute. There's nothing wrong with it, now I just know it is little and cute. When watching the ultrasound, she also said that she has "seen that type of ovaries before," whatever that means. It must not have been too important, because that conversation went no where.

Anyways...

My ovaries still had several eggs in them, and they were just checking to make sure that a few of the eggs are growing and maturing, hopefully being great candidates to ovulate. Before femara, the eggs measured at 5mm. After femara, a couple from each ovary are measuring at 11mm. This is good because we want them to continue to grow and be released from the ovary - ovulation! I read online that eggs need to get to 18mm to ovulate.

So, the nurse told me to pray that they continue to grow over the weekend, and that we will check them again on Monday. Hopefully, a few eggs will have grown and that means I will ovulate.

So, hubby and I are specifically praying that they do grow.

Monday will be the day that tells us what we're going to do. I am mentally preparing for two options (yes to an IUI or no to an IUI), seeing that this will be quickly happening early next week.

Please join us in prayer!

A Little Bit of This and That

Well, it's been a little while since I have actually written a blog post. I have posted songs and quotes, mostly because I don't have anything too exciting to blog about. Don't get me wrong, we have been so busy, but with the daily "normal" things. So to update you on those, here come the......wait for it......ta da!! Bullet points!! I know you've been waiting for them!!!

• I celebrated my 26th birthday last Wednesday. I don't feel any older, but the number 26 kind of gave me some strange feelings that I am indeed getting older. Remember when you were a little kid and anything after 22 seemed "old"? I opted for no extravagance this year - no gifts, no big parties. February has been an incredibly expensive month as I had to write out a huge check(s) to the fertility clinic. So, happy birthday to me - I get a month of treatment and/or IUI! I'm excited about it, and let's hope and pray that at the end of the month, the biggest gift ever will arrive - a big fat positive! On my birthday, we had dinner at my parents, and this past week, we celebrated with our closest friends at one of our favorite steak restaurants. I felt incredibly loved, and the best present ever was to be surrounded by the people that I love, and who are my support! Oh, my parents did get me an orange tree - I am so excited about it!

• My hubby's birthday is today. I'm making him lasagna and chocolate cake for dinner. I think he will enjoy it. Hubby isn't too big on celebrating birthdays...I'm not sure why, maybe it just wasn't a big deal in his family growing up. But for me, I fully believe that everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated to the fullest on their birthday. So love and appreciate him I will. With food. And cuddling. And lovin'. 

• I went in to NewLIFE last week for my first ultrasound of this treatment cycle. My very light period arrived with the assistance of progesterone. The appointment went well. I started first with the routine bloodwork and then the ultrasound. Normally in the ultrasound room, it has been just me and the nurse, but this time, it was the nurse, a med student, Dr. Ripps, and another nurse. I guess I must be an interesting case, because they all seemed very interested. I was glad to discover that Dr. Ripps will be in all of my appointments because I now have moved into the treatment stage. The ultrasound showed that my ovaries looked great and that I have lots of eggs, which is fabulous news! So, I went on femara for 5 days. I really didn't know what to expect with femara, because this is the first time I've been on it. Clomid always gave me migraines, hot flashes, no appetite, and moodiness. The femara only gave me a couple of tolerable hot flashes and fatigue and dizziness. The dizziness was actually pretty bad - I was playing keys on Sunday at church and I had to sit down because I got so dizzy that I almost fell over. But I am done taking that for now, and it definitely was doable. I go in tomorrow for another ultrasound, and then again Monday. I received my hCG injections in the mail yesterday, so I begin taking that on Monday. So I should find out tomorrow or Monday if my body has responded well to the treatments. If so, we will proceed with the IUI. I've been physically feeling well, and I also have not felt depressed or anxious in a long time, Praise God! That was becoming unbearable. But, my mind is going a million miles a minute. I constantly think about everything, over-analyze everything, and question everything. Sometimes I cry out to God in desperation, and other times I turn to the Psalms and let those words wash over me. Often times I still ask "why?" There are times where all I can do is listen to songs that speak to me and let them become my prayers. Oh Lord, be my shield and strength as I expectantly wait for and hope in You!

• I got that nasty cold that has been plaguing schools and churches. Not fun. I stayed home Monday from work and all I did was rest. Which was perfect timing because I was exhausted from the femara. 

• I have been diligently keeping my goal of reading through the Bible in one year. I am really enjoying it, more than I thought I would. God is speaking to me through His Word on a daily basis and I love it. This is what it's all about - a love relationship with the Father. 

• I gave in and joined twitter. I actually really like it, because I get to read little nuggets every day from many preachers and evangelists, as well as my friends and a few celebrities. Fun fun! (you can find me @racheljoswift). 

Please pray for our upcoming week, especially in our decision to proceed with the IUI if everything looks good. Pray that my body responds well and that God's peace will fall, taking away all anxiety and fears. 

Have a fabulous Thursday! 

Love,

Rachel

Song of The Week

I LOVE this version of the great classic...enjoy!

That's some good stuff right there...

Romans 12:2

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

"God is for us, Dear One. Even His commands are for our safety, liberty, and blessing (Deut. 10:13). Yes, God calls us to surrender our own agendas on the altar of His will, but Romans 12:2 reminds us that God's will for us is good, pleasing, and perfectly suited. When all is said and done, the biggest sacrifice of our lives will be when we chose our own way and forfeited God's pleasing will for us. " 

"Promised land theology becomes an earthbound reality only to those who cash in their fear and complacency for the one ticket (belief) out of their long-inhabited wilderness."

-Beth Moore