A Lesson From Lazarus (part one)

I am in the middle of reading the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. Angie is the wife of Todd, the lead singer in the music group Selah. Angie and Todd were pregnant with their fourth child when they were told that the baby was "incompatible with life" and would not live much past her birth. Angie carried baby Audrey to full term. After the baby arrived, she only lived for over two hours. This book is an incredible and true story of faith and grief. Throughout the book, Angie weaves the story of Lazarus (from the book of John) with her own story of grief and heartache. I have never before seen that story of Lazarus like I do now...

When Lazarus became sick, his sisters Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus, saying "Lord, the one You love is sick" (John 11:3). Mary and Martha knew that Jesus could heal, but they never asked Him to. They simply stated what the problem was and waited to see what Jesus would do. I know that I have not asked for healing this way. I usually say, or more like beg "Lord, heal my body. Heal my husband's body. Give us a baby." Basically I am telling God what He should do. But what Angie pointed out in her book totally spoke to me - recognize who He is (sovereign), tell Him the problem, and leave the rest to Him. Talk about surrender!

Lord, my husband and I are infertile.

After Jesus received word from Mary and Martha about Lazarus, He waited two days before traveling to see them. I'm sure the sisters were beginning to feel impatient, wondering why the Lord did not come immediately. In John 11:14-12, Jesus tells the disciples that Lazarus is dead, but He is glad because they will be able to witness a miracle and believe. But Mary and Martha did not know this at the time - they wanted to know that He was coming. 

It has been almost a year, Lord. And no baby, not even any improvement in our fertility. Are You really coming? Are You allowing us to wait so our little baby will be a miracle and we and others will believe?

Lazarus died. After being buried for four days, Mary and Martha finally heard that Jesus was coming. The very first thing that Martha tells Jesus when he arrives is that her brother would still be alive if He had been there - John 11:21. But she continues by saying "But I know that even now God will give You whatever You ask" - John 11:22. Jesus did go on to tell her that Lazarus would rise, but Martha assumed He meant Lazarus' resurrection into heaven. Then Jesus said "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even if he dies; and whoever believes in me will never die." Then he asked Martha, "Do you believe this?" And Martha replied "Yes, Lord." 

I know that You are God, but I feel hurt that You haven't met me where I wanted You to be. But in this moment of hurt, I believe You are who You say You are. I believe. And I need to hear my own voice declaring that.

So Martha goes back to the house to tell Mary to go meet Jesus. Mary immediately got up and ran. Mary just buried her brother. But when she heard that Jesus was close by, she ran to Him, falling at His feet, saying "Kai nyn" - translated "even now." 

Even now, Lord, I believe You can heal. Even now, when the doctor's can't explain. Even now, a year later.

As Mary wept at Jesus' feet, He became "angry in spirit and very agitated." According to scholars, this emotion was directed at death itself, angry at the hurt that Mary and Martha were feeling. And Jesus wept. The Bible reveals that while Mary and Martha were wailing, Jesus was weeping. To paraphrase Angie, Mary and Martha's tears moved Jesus, causing Him to weep. He was not crying over Lazarus' death, but over the hurt He is experiencing with the people He loves. And to quote Angie, "He isn't crying because the situation is hopeless, but because He is an empathetic God. He knows they can't see hope."

Lord, I weep, I wail. You weep for my hurt. At times I can't see hope. But You know that there is hope. I cling to that.

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." II Corinthians 4:16-18 

More to come...

God uses us!

This morning, my alarm clock that plays KLOVE radio station went off at 5:45 like it does every day. I leaned over to hit the snooze, but I stopped when I heard what they were saying. The radio hosts were talking about how God uses us, despite our faults, despite our sin. There are many times when I question God and how he is using me. I often think, "How could God use me when..."

* I have a hard time trusting You

* I lack consistent time with You

* I have put other idols in Your place, such as shopping 

* I have been materialistic

* I'm not the greatest communicator

* At times, I just don't want to

* I feel stuck and broken

But then I looked at this list, and found incredible encouragement. The people listed below are known as great people of the Bible, who accomplished much for God. They, despite some great faults, were used incredibly.

Noah was a drunk; (Genesis 9:20-22).

Abraham was too old; (Genesis 17th chapter).

Isaac was a daydreamer; (Book of Genesis).
Jacob was a liar; (25th chapter of Genesis).
Leah was ugly, (Genesis 29:17).
Joseph was abused; (Genesis 37:24-36).
Moses stuttered; Exdodus 4:10).
Gideon was afraid; (Judges 8).
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer; (Judges 14th chapter).
Rahab was a prostitute; (Joshua 2:1).
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young; (Jere.1:6-7 and Ist Timothy).
David had an affair and was a murderer; (2nd Samuel 11:3-27).
Elijah was suicidal; (1 King 19th chapter).
Isaiah preached naked; (Isaiah 37th chapter).
Jonah ran from God; (The book of Jonah)
Naomi was a widow; (Ruth 1:3).
Job went bankrupt; (The Book of Job).
Peter denied Christ; (Matt.26:69-70).
The Disciples fell asleep while praying; (Matt.14:37).
Martha worried about everything; (Luke 10:40).
Magadalene was... well you know, (Mark 16:9).
The Samaritan woman was divorced more than once; (John:4:8).
Zaccheus was too small; (Luke 19:3).
Paul was too religious; (Acts 8:1).
Timothy had an ulcer; (1Timothy 5:23).
Lazarus was dead! (John 11 chapter).


WOW! XOXO!!!

  

     

You Raise Me Up

Can I just say how incredibly blessed I am by two amazing women in my life! They are godly women in every sense of the word. They mean more to me than they will ever know. They are my support, my strength, and God speaks to me through them. Today I received a word from my girl through texting. Five minutes later, I received another word from my other girl. Both of them had been given a word from God to give to me. And they obeyed. And my life is blessed because of it. Christy and Jessica, I love you beyond words. You are my sisters, given to me by God for such a time as this. I can't help but think of this song....

Stuck

This Sunday at church, I witnessed one of the most incredible sermons that I have ever personally heard. Nate Campbell, three time lightweight world champion boxer, preached. My BFF, Christy, summed it up so wonderfully...

God has placed a word inside of each and every one of us that we are called & expected to share.  Because of our unique life and individual circumstances, the word that we are called to give, can only come from us....and we are held responsible to do so.  We serve a God who is bigger than any short-coming or fear that we can muster up.  He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.  We are all called - every single one of us.

 At one point in his message, Nate asked everyone to tell the person next to us a word that you felt had been given to you. I leaned over to my hubby and whispered the first thing that came into my mind. "He makes all things work together for my good." He whispered back "He is the Healer. And we will have babies."  This immediately brought me to tears. I honestly was not expecting to hear that that was hubby's word. That word was given to him by God, and I am clinging to that promise, and that God's word will not return void. 

Near the end of Nate's message, he asked "Who here feels stuck?" In my mind, I was screaming "I do!!!" He told those of us who were "stuck" to stand up. I refused. I stayed in my seat, knowing that I feel stuck, knowing that I need to acknowledge it, knowing that I needed to stand. But I didn't - I stayed in my seat. Nate then ministered to those people and their specific situations. I kept feeling a prompting - "Stand up! Join them!" Again, I refused. 

And now I regret it. I regret disobeying God and His promptings. I regret not experiencing the freedom that I know I need to experience. But, I am not lost - I can have the freedom from my life, my circumstances, my troubles, through a radical relationship with Christ. I cannot be changed over night - I can be changed through daily committing to God, and being daily in the word. And I can be changed through consistent surrender. 

As I've said before in previous posts, God is doing a work in my life. Because I still cannot cohesively explain everything, I will just tell you what I'm feeling - 

• My heart feels callused, hardened to God's voice and what He has for me. I have come to recognize this, and I am saddened by it.
• I realize the only way things will change in regards to the above is if I commit to daily time with Him. It is such a struggle for me!
• I know that I have a word to share with those around me. God has given me it to me through my experiences in life, and I no longer have no excuse to share it with those around me. How could I not share about God?! He has redeemed me from the pit, from the mud and the mire!
• I don't feel well - physically. I am exhausted. I am getting some blood work done to hopefully give some answers. I just physically want to be myself again...
• I am really struggling with our infertility right now. I've just had a rough last couple of weeks dealing with it. My heart just aches. 

So, I feel stuck. Stuck in my relationship with God, stuck in infertility. Stuck in knowing what I need to do and not doing it. I want this season of life to be over, but I am clinging to the promise that God has me here for a reason, and that I will look back at this time and say "Thank you, Lord, for that season in my life..." 

Back In the Saddle Again...

I love horses. I love everything that has to do with horses - the work involved, being outside, doing labor, the care required, and the persistence that riding demands. Most people don't know that I worked at a ranch all the way through high school and into my freshman year in college. I spent my summers and vacation time working with and training horses, leading trail rides, teaching riding lessons, and stocking the barn with hay. I love building a relationship with a horse, until the horse trusts the rider, and the rider trusts the horse. It is as if horse and rider become one, and it is an incredible feeling. I love working with the horses that aren't perfect, and doing my best to make them a great riding horse.

I drive by a ranch every day - it is about 2 miles from our house. I feel that longing to ride swell up inside of me. I hadn't been riding in three years...until Saturday. Our good friends, The Gollohers, knew that I love riding. We talk about it a lot, because their relatives own a few horses on some beautiful acreage. They called and invited me to go - I was absolutely delighted!

As soon as we pulled up to the farm, I felt instantly at home. The rolling fields were gorgeous, and the fresh fall smell was invigorating. I met Sweet Pea, the horse I would be riding that day. As I plopped down into the saddle, I felt so comfortable - I hadn't forgotten a thing. I took the reins in my hands, and off we went. Now Sweet Pea is not a perfect horse - just the way I like it. She is stubborn, clumsy, and didn't pay attention. But, she allowed me to work with her.

As we were riding through the fields, I noticed Sweet Pea's lack of focus on the trail ahead. She constantly moved her head from side to side, and even occasionally glanced behind her. She was easily distracted by the other horses and the donkeys in the nearby field. This caused her to trip and stumble over her own feet. At a few points, she tried to challenge my authority as rider, wanting to do her own thing. But I didn't budge - I wouldn't let her. Throughout our 3 hours of riding, I constantly had to pull Sweet Pea's head back to focus on the trail. A little tug on the reins reminded her to look ahead. By the end of our ride, I barely had to remind Sweet Pea! Success! And we were able to trot around and have a good time.

As I think back to my first ride with Sweet Pea, I can't help but think of our relationship with Christ. We are traveling down this trail in life, with so many distractions all around. Like Sweet Pea, we move our head from side to side and are not focused on the path ahead. When we are not focused, we become clumsy and stumble. Christ continually takes the reins and gives a little tug to remind us to keep our eyes set on the path before us. There are times when we rebel and want our own way, heading off of the trail and into the woods. But we are guided back to the trail by our Creator - sometimes gently, and sometimes forcibly. When we position ourselves to listen to Christ and to hear the cues that He gives, we are focused and travel down the path that He has set before us. The path is not straight and easy - there are potholes, rushing rivers, and twists and turns that we run unto along the way, but with our focus on the path ahead and as Christ as our leader, we will continue on.

XOXO