Jumping In To My Calling

I've been blogging a lot lately about my calling, my purpose, etc. It seemed that as the business of everyday life, "doing church," and serving faded, I felt like my purpose faded as well - as if my purpose was determined by what I was doing.

I am struggling in this transition to mommyhood as well. Hear me out - I LOVE being a mommy, I spent days and days on my knees praying to be a mommy. I have just been struggling in my identity and calling as a mother, and what that truly looks like, and who God says I am. 

But I must tell you that as I've stepped into this, walking away from my job, walking away from serving just to serve, and stepping into being a mommy, it has been not the smoothest of transitions. It is taking time for me to come to a place of confidence in who I am, especially as a mommy. 

I am so thankful for the community of mothers that I have surrounded myself with, who know what I am going through, who certainly will not judge me, who will not look down on me because of my questions, frustrations, mistakes, emotions, and lack of perfect hair and makeup. I am thankful that they pray for me, give counsel, and encourage. I am so thankful for the incredible example of my mother, her advice, love and prayers. I am so thankful for my husband, who supports, guides, understands, and does not expect perfection. 

I've received a lot of encouragement from my family and my friends, through texts, Scripture, phone calls, lunch conversations, and hand written letters. And one phrase, one phrase, spoke so much to me.

Evelyn equals purpose. 

Much more was written, but I want to keep that private between me and her. Just that one phrase has changed my days and has given me renewed strength. To know that God trusts me that much and loves me that much to place a little life in my hands, that I get the privilege to shape, mold, and be a mommy to. She is my purpose. My husband is my purpose. My home is my purpose. Jesus is my purpose. 

So here's to fully jumping in to my calling, my purpose. It is not always going to be easy. There will be days of joy, tired days, sad days, fun days, and frustrating days. 

But it is mine - my calling, my purpose. And I will embrace it, even when I question and doubt it.