God has placed a word inside of each and every one of us that we are called & expected to share. Because of our unique life and individual circumstances, the word that we are called to give, can only come from us....and we are held responsible to do so. We serve a God who is bigger than any short-coming or fear that we can muster up. He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. We are all called - every single one of us.
At one point in his message, Nate asked everyone to tell the person next to us a word that you felt had been given to you. I leaned over to my hubby and whispered the first thing that came into my mind. "He makes all things work together for my good." He whispered back "He is the Healer. And we will have babies." This immediately brought me to tears. I honestly was not expecting to hear that that was hubby's word. That word was given to him by God, and I am clinging to that promise, and that God's word will not return void.
Near the end of Nate's message, he asked "Who here feels stuck?" In my mind, I was screaming "I do!!!" He told those of us who were "stuck" to stand up. I refused. I stayed in my seat, knowing that I feel stuck, knowing that I need to acknowledge it, knowing that I needed to stand. But I didn't - I stayed in my seat. Nate then ministered to those people and their specific situations. I kept feeling a prompting - "Stand up! Join them!" Again, I refused.
And now I regret it. I regret disobeying God and His promptings. I regret not experiencing the freedom that I know I need to experience. But, I am not lost - I can have the freedom from my life, my circumstances, my troubles, through a radical relationship with Christ. I cannot be changed over night - I can be changed through daily committing to God, and being daily in the word. And I can be changed through consistent surrender.
As I've said before in previous posts, God is doing a work in my life. Because I still cannot cohesively explain everything, I will just tell you what I'm feeling -
- My heart feels callused, hardened to God's voice and what He has for me. I have come to recognize this, and I am saddened by it.
- I realize the only way things will change in regards to the above is if I commit to daily time with Him. It is such a struggle for me!
- I know that I have a word to share with those around me. God has given me it to me through my experiences in life, and I no longer have no excuse to share it with those around me. How could I not share about God?! He has redeemed me from the pit, from the mud and the mire!
- I don't feel well - physically. I am exhausted. I am getting some blood work done to hopefully give some answers. I just physically want to be myself again...
- I am really struggling with our infertility right now. I've just had a rough last couple of weeks dealing with it. My heart just aches.
So, I feel stuck. Stuck in my relationship with God, stuck in infertility. Stuck in knowing what I need to do and not doing it. I want this season of life to be over, but I am clinging to the promise that God has me here for a reason, and that I will look back at this time and say "Thank you, Lord, for that season in my life..."
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