Christmas, SDFA, Ensure, and expectation...

Well, hello blog. I haven't written in two weeks. I had a goal that I would blog at least once a week, but December has taken its toll. Things have been going non-stop, with teaching, meetings at church, leading worship, and making time for family and friends. I am looking forward to Christmas break - I get two whole weeks off! We will be up north in WI/IA for most of those two weeks, so I'm not really considering it a "break." But, I am making sure that we come home before my break is completely up so we can have some relaxing days at home before back to work.

Like I said, there have been so many things going on. Here is just a glimpse...

• Work has been crazy! The kids get all geared up for Christmas, and I suppose I encourage it with my entire lesson plans being centered around Christmas music. They love it, but I need a break.
• I came down with a cold over the weekend that has now manifested itself into a full-blown cold, so that is making me tired. I am claiming healing!
• I finished all of my fertility testing with my RE at NewLIFE. It is a relief. I felt like I just should've camped out there...I had four ultrasounds, lots of bloodwork, and the HSG procedure. We did Michael's SDFA test, which stands for Sperm DNA Fragmentation Assay. Basically, it looks at the DNA of the sperm, to make sure everything is genetically ok. And it also tells you if you are a candidate for the various forms of ART (assisted reproductive technology, for example, IVF or IUI). We got the results today, and everything came back normal! Which is great news for us. We now know that the sperm's DNA is fine and that if needed, we can proceed with ART. The motility is still considered low or abnormal, but at least we know that genetically, everything is okay. Now we just wait for early January to come so we can sit down with the RE to discuss our treatment plan and options.
• I am loving Joyce Meyer's teachings! I listen to her podcast every day, and I have been getting so much out of it. I feel like she is speaking right to me, especially since her topics have included "God our Peace, God our Healer, What do You Want Out Of Life?, This is Just a Test." I highly recommend that you look her up.
• I have been at a spiritual crossroads. I got to a point where I felt that I had to either dive in and choose God, or walk away completely. Let me tell you, I have been in a battle between my flesh and my spirit. My flesh has told me to walk away, and has left me questioning life and purpose. But I know that that is not what I must do. I must choose God. So I am making a daily choice for God. I am digging into the Bible, I am praying, I am claiming His promises over my life. There are times where I really don't want to, but I know I must. I think God rewards persistence, and if you force yourself, soon your heart and spirit will follow. Whew! Heavy, I know. 
• I just started reading "Hannah's Hope," a book on infertility from a Christian perspective. I am only through chapter two, and I must say "wow!" This book verbalizes the things that I have been feeling and going through in a way that I could never have put to words. It reassures me that I am not alone in this journey, I am not going crazy, and what I am feeling as I go through this is "normal."
• I love Christmas, but this year is going to be more challenging. Last Christmas, I was convinced that we would be celebrating "baby's first Christmas" this year. My two brothers both had their first children this past year, and one is already preggers with their second. I am excited to see them, it is just bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy for them and love them dearly. It's just hard when I am at the place I am in right now. And, this will be the first year without Michael's stepfather...
• I started drinking Ensure. Haha, don't laugh at me. I just have been so nauseated that I haven't been eating very much, which has caused me to lose weight. I realized the other day that although my nausea is likely caused by the hormones and meds, that some of it may be caused by what's called "grief nausea." This makes sense to me now. Going through infertility is like going through a grief process. 
• I am waiting on the Lord. Not passively! Waiting means expecting! I am expecting God to move in my life. Every day, I say things similar to this out loud- "God, I am expecting You to heal my body. I am expecting You to reveal Yourself to me. I am expecting You to do great things in my life. I am expecting You to move like never before. I am expecting You to comfort. I am expecting You to heal my mind. I am expecting to see You like never before!!!" What a way to go through the day, in expectation of God's promises, instead of just passively "waiting on God." 

Merry Christmas...