Healing

Finding out "why?" doesn't guarantee healing. Pursue the Healer, and let Him handle the "why?"

My dear, wise friend said this the other day. 

Wow. 

If anything, that was for me, to pierce my heart.

Struggling with chronic physical pain is awful, especially when it's a back injury that won't heal - the doctor's tried everything and wrote me off as "permanent injury that may or may not heal."  The pain forces its ugly self into every part of life - physical, mental, spiritual...EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It makes me exhausted. It makes me depressed.

I'm tired of it all, fed up.

How can I fully and presently be the wife, mother, friend that I truly want to be when this pain gets in the way?

Everyday for the past eleven years, my focus (when it comes to my injury) is:

Lord, heal my back.

Lord, heal my back.

Lord, heal my back.

I ask God to heal me daily, but it hasn't happened. I certainly want it. I know He can do it. - We have a miracle baby to prove that nothing is impossible!

It has been a long haul.

So then my focus shifts to
Lord, if I can just understand why, then I will be okay. All of the pain, exhaustion, depression will be worth it if I can just understand why! Just show me it's purpose, then I can move on with my life, and perhaps healing in its own way will come! 

And then I read her quote:

Finding out "why?" doesn't guarantee healing. Pursue the Healer, and let Him handle the "why?"

I am not guaranteed healing. I am most likely not going to understand the purpose of it all. All I need to do is pursue Him. It is so hard for me, I grasp control - tightly, with both hands.

Thank you Lord, for Your grace that I so desperately need.

Thank you that with each new day comes new mercy.