Reflections

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately, especially on this past year. I honestly feel like this has been the most challenging year of my life. So much has happened physically, mentally, and spiritually. If I could go back a year ago and tell myself what to prepare for, here is what I would say...

Get ready. Arm yourself. Get your prayer life in order. Be consistent in meeting with God every day. Clothe yourself daily with the Word of God and His promises. Guard your mind - don't let the devil get a foothold in your mind. Cling to the verse "do not be anxious about anything."

But the reality is is that I cannot go back in time. I can only imagine if I had done all the above things, I would be so much stronger right now...

Enough of dwelling on the past. I will never move forward if I focus on it. 

Just in the past couple of weeks, I have been praying and reading my Bible a lot more. Which leads me to ask, "God, are You bringing me through all of this for the sole purpose of drawing me closer to You?" I have fully realized that I cannot make it without my Abba. For so long, I have put God on the back burner of my life, and I am caught in between what I want for my life and what God's will is for my life. I believe that I have lived a good Christian life - I have done and said all of the right things. I have lived acknowledging God as my Lord and Saviour, but I have not pursued Him with everything that I am. 

My dear friend blogged the other day, and I needed to hear it. Here's what she said...

HE WHO dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. 

Psalm 91:1

This is what became clear to me: Whoever makes a genuine effort and sets aside real-time to dig deeper into (meditate on) the Word of God (instead of the self-help section at Barnes & Noble) will live a life of stability, one that is not shaken by a let down, or knocked over by the trials of life.  I will not make it if unless I fill my heart with the truth from God's Word, I just won't make it!!!  I've been fooling myself for too long into thinking that I can make it through any given day off a couple cups of good coffee and a #6 from whataburger.  I desire patience & self-control in my life, but the truth is: those things have already been given to me as a daughter of Christ.  They are fruits of the spirit. But the older I get the more I realize those things are given as seeds, and they will not grow in my life if not lived out.  I have to KILL (literally kill) the things that take precedence over the fruits of the spirit.

Although my situation is different from what my dear friend is going through, I feel like she was inside of my mind and eloquently wrote down on paper what was jumbled in my head. She is so right - I have to fill my heart with God's word, there is no other way. The fruit of the spirit that I desire most right now is peace, and the only way I will get peace is if I fill my life constantly with the things of the Lord, so I am filled to overflowing. Nothing else will fill me to overflowing - not my job, not my family, not my church, not my husband, and for too long, I have been putting my everything into those things.