The Two Week Wait

Ah, the dreaded two week wait. During the five cycles of clomid that I did, I remember that the two week wait from ovulation to when I could take a pregnancy test was excruciating. I would look for every pregnancy sign and symptom and convinced myself that I was more tired, more hungry, and that my boobs were bigger and really sore, when in all actuality, they really weren't.  But, test day would roll around and negative after negative came.  I have realized that I just hyped myself up and thought every little "change" or ailment in my body must be a sign of pregnancy. Every time, I found myself crushed and a tailspin of depression set in. 

I learned a lot during those times. God was teaching me that I could not put my hope and trust in a positive pregnancy test. God is still teaching me that. I am learning that I cannot allow circumstance to steal my joy, and to steal my identity which is only found in Christ. It is in HIS hands, not mine. Oh, what a painful process this is!

I am halfway through my two week wait. Next Wednesday, I go in to NewLIFE to take a pregnancy test. This first week of waiting actually hasn't been too bad - I've been so incredibly busy, the week has FLOWN by, and I haven't had a lot of idle time to let my mind go insane. But I just don't really know how I'm feeling. I of course want a positive test, and that is what we're praying for, but I just don't "feel" like I am pregnant. I know you can't trust your feelings, and maybe I've just gotten pessimistic. I am usually an incredibly optimistic person (that has always been in my personality), but perhaps the months of bad news and negatives have turned me into a pessimist. Oh Jesus, give me radical faith and belief! 

I was reminded last night about God's fulfilled promise to Abraham, and how the Israelites forgot about God's promise to them as they wandered in the desert. They did not lean on and learn from Abraham's faith. So that is what I'm striving to do - learn from and lean on Abraham's faith that the promise would come to pass, because God's word never returns void. HE is my healer. HIS word is always true. HE is the only way we will bear children. HE is the only one that can produce living water from a dead rock.