The Man I Never Met

Michael has his eyes. Those beautiful, piercing eyes, that sing and dance when they light up.

I've been told that Michael has many of his characteristics and qualities - like father, like son.

I never had the privilege of actually meeting Michael's father, my father-in-law, 

but I feel like I know him.

Through his family and through my husband, I know him.

Through his legacy, I know him.

Through stories and glimpses in, I know him.

Is it possible to even feel his presence?

There are many storms in this life, many painful and heart-wrenching storms that leave our lives in ruin. Sometimes we hear God's voice in the storms; other times He is silent. Sometimes we are given reasons, explanations for the storms, and other times, we are given no answer. 

One of the most difficult, terrible, horrific storms that one can go through is watching your loved one experience a terminal illness, and that illness ultimately take his life. 

Here you have a loving Christ follower who had done great things for Jesus and he knew greater things were yet to come. But they were cut short by leukemia. 

He was in his mid thirties with two children in elementary school. 

I'm sure he prayed for healing. I'm sure his family begged God for healing. 

But healing in the way we wanted it never came. 

So young, so vibrant...

Why?

He received his ultimate healing in heaven, and now he is doing what God created us to do - worship forever at His feet. 

But there still is a family left here, without him. They had to go on. I don't think you ever "move" on from something like that, but they had to go on with life. You can follow the grief process steps and try to piece your life back together, but you know that things will never be the same. 

Nothing will ever replace your father, his legacy, the memories.

Throughout the past 24 years since he passed, Michael can see how his life has been molded, changed, and shaped because of his father. But through that storm, God has never given the Swift family a reason why he was taken. And they most likely will not be given a reason or understanding until we reach heaven and can fully understand God's redemptive purpose in it all. 

These are the moments where we just want to hear God's voice, and understand the plan and understand why. 

Even now, 24 years later!

And now, as we carry this child, our miracle, Michael's father's legacy will continue. Our children will know they have a grandfather who would want nothing more than to just hold them and love them. 

Is it possible that he knows his legacy is continuing through Michael and I?

Is it possible that he knows the love that Michael and I have for each other?

Is it possible that he will somehow be with us the moment she arrives and is placed in our arms as the rest of our families are able to meet her? 

Is it possible that I can love a father I never met, but feel like I know, and miss him?