And the Next Step Is?

I am a planner. And I like to be in control of any and every situation. I also find great satisfaction when I do something myself or get something done, or do everything in my power to accomplish something. Throughout my week, I find myself thinking "Just let me do it!" This happens at work, home, when I am at the cash register, and even at church. Knowing that I can do something well and watching someone struggle with it drives me crazy. So, I often think "Just let me do it!"

I've found myself thinking "Just let me do it!" in our efforts to have a baby. I have read all the books on infertility and trying to get pregnant, I have followed all the expert's (and non-expert's) advice, I have followed my doctor's orders, I am taking my vitamins, and I have researched online like crazy. We have done EVERYTHING right in trying to get pregnant. I have done everything in my power to get pregnant. But it's almost a year into it, and we still aren't pregnant.

When we received Michael's diagnosis on top of my diagnosis, Dr. S referred us to a fertility specialist. Everything within me wanted to immediately make the appointment (once again, do everything in my power to get pregnant). But, I have never been able to pick up the phone and make the appointment. And I honestly had no idea what's stopping me. But I then realized - where have I factored God into this situation? Yes, I pray every day, every hour, that God will bless us with a child. I ask for His ultimate will and desire for our lives. But, I believe in a God who heals, and He still heals today! The Jesus of the New Testament is alive and well today!!! So yes, God can heal us. He can heal my body, and He can heal my husband's body. So I am claiming healing over us in Jesus' name! No doctor has that ability. No matter what the doctor says or what he tells us we need to do, the doctor cannot heal us - only God can. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not ruling out medical expertise. I believe that God gives doctors wisdom, medical knowledge, and discernment to treat patients, and I value what doctor's say.

So, Michael and I have decided to set aside the next two months to fervently pray and seek God in our situation. We are going to wait to go to the fertility specialist until we clearly hear from God that that is our next step in our journey to parenthood. God may tell us to pursue the specialists. Or He may tell us not to. I just know that whatever He tells us will be what we do.

Over the next eight weeks, we are still going to be "trying", but we are not going to put pressure on ourselves in any way - including the timing of my cycle. I am going to go off all medications and give my body a breather.

I am anticipating to hear God speak and move in a great way in our lives, and not just in the area of trying to conceive. I am praying that God will draw us closer as a couple. I am praying that I fully surrender this situation (which to me seems so difficult and daunting). I am committing to being immersed daily in His word. I am praying that I draw nearer to God in this time, and that I fully feel His love and His presence in my life. I am praying that God will clearly speak to us, and that I am in tune to His voice.

Please pray with us.

XOXO