The theme of surrender has been popping up in my life non-stop lately. First, I attended the Jesus Culture Conference in Atlanta. It was life changing. I went with my two best friends, and it was incredible to be able to share that experience with them. The worship was some of the most intimate worship time with God that I have ever experienced. I asked for the anointing of the Holy Spirit and a love encounter with God, and I definitely got it. Many breakthroughs for me were made at the conference. Opening night, the speaker's topic was complete surrender. He spoke on it again the next morning. It was an amazing message looking at putting our entire lives and everything in it on the altar for God to come consume and burn. I was convicted of the many times that I give God a certain situation or a certain thing, but I hang on to other areas in my life. After the conference, I wrote this in my journal about surrender:
"I want to surrender. I know I need to surrender. But God, can I just hang onto my crap for a little longer?"
The next nudging of surrender came when we arrived home from the conference. As I was playing keys one Sunday morning, Amick was moved by the Spirit to address surrender and how so many of us just need to completely surrender. Once again, I was convicted.
The theme of surrender came to me in many songs. After the conference, I downloaded a Misty Edwards album, and the very first song that I heard was called "Finally I Surrender." Talk about another smack in the face from God. I love how the song says "FINALLY I surrender." I have heard countless times to "just surrender, give everything to God!" They make it sound so easy - to me it sounds like a daunting task. I have come to the realization that you don't just surrender a situation or areas in life once. It is a daily decision to surrender. Every morning, when my feet hit the floor, I must surrender my desire and longing for a baby. Every afternoon, I must surrender my life's plans and my relationships. Every evening, I must surrender the areas in my life that I put in place of Christ.
Then Amick preached one Sunday. He did amazing, and I see God's anointing in His life - I am honored to call him a brother in Christ. So, guess what he preached on? You guessed it, total surrender. At that point, I said "Okay, God. I hear You now. You want me to surrender." Well, duh!!!
I have been worshipping God. I have been praising Him. But all the while, I have been worshipping Him with my hands clenched and closed. I need to pry off the hardness and resentment and open my hands to God, held high and reaching out to Him. It is okay to worship and praise Him out of my pain, but honestly, God should be worshipped because He is worthy, not because I need to feel Him or because I really want something or because I'm hurting. God deserves our worship simply because He is the Great I AM - that's it.
I recently saw a video showing Kim Walker give a message on a lifestlye of worship. She touched on many areas of worship, but the part that hit me between the eyes was when she talked about the offended heart. This is the offended heart - when we say "God, You haven't given me what I think I want or what I think I need, so I am going to withhold my true worship from You." Wow. I have had an offended heart. I want a baby so bad that I have begun to resent God for not giving it to me. I resent the fact that my husband and I are considered an infertility case. And that has affected my worship. My worship has consisted of crying out to God, asking "why?" and "heal us." But my worship needs to praise God for who He is. I am clinging to the promise that He makes all things work together for my good.
So I need to surrender every area of my life every day. This is not a one time prayer of surrender. This is a life of surrender.
Once we step in to surrender, God can come in and move. And I am expecting Him to move in ways that I have never seen or felt before. I am expecting to grow and really see God and to understand Him - to understand what my identity in Christ really means, to feel truly loved by Him, to commune with the Holy Spirit and know His voice. I am claiming the promises over my life that have already been given to me, in Jesus' name!
He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane
I am a tree - bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us so. Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us so
So He is our portion and we are His prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us, oh how He loves us, oh how He loves.
No comments:
Post a Comment