Pursuit

Do you ever have a song stop you in your tracks? This one does it for me every time. Daniel Bashta released a new album last week, and I swear I could write a separate blog post about each song. The album is amazing, completely God-breathed. There were moments as I was listening to the CD that I thought, "I think God had Daniel Bashta write these songs just for me." Every single one has spoken to me. 

There is one that I have to listen to over and over. It features one of my favorite singers, Kim Walker, so of course it was going to be one of my favorite songs on the album. It came on the other day when I was driving, I hit repeat and sang along at the top of my lungs. As I sang, I couldn't help but let the tears flow. I wasn't just singing. This was my prayer, my shout to God, a pouring from my heart. 

"I will pursue You..."

We've all been guilty of it. We are on our knees during the hard times. We pray like never before, we read our Bibles. Then life takes over, things seem to be going well, and our pursuit of Him becomes second. And then something happens, big or small, and we are back at the feet of Him.

I will pursue You, no matter what - good days, bad days, okay days. 

I will pursue You - for me, for Michael, for my family, for my friends. 

"Strip everything away..."

I feel like God has been doing that in my life, especially in the last couple of weeks. Stripping down everything -  our finances, our ministry in worship, our relationships, our "normal" - until all I see is Him. A word of caution - if you ask Him to strip everything away, He will, and it will be painful. But He will make it beautiful. 

"I can't live without Your presence..."

Sometimes I think I can. I really do. I've got this, God. I can manage. 

But the reality is, I can't. No matter how much I try, no matter how much planning I do - I can't. 

I hope this song speaks to you as much as it has to me. 

Pursuit - Daniel Bashta, Kim Walker

Strip everything away

'Till all I have is You

Undo the veils

So all I see is You

I will pursue You

I will pursue Your presence

I will pursue You

I will pursue Your presence

Open my eyes

Search me inside

I can't live without Your presence

I can't live without Your presence

I'm pressing into You

So do not pass me by

I'm breaking through the boundaries

I will not be denied

I can't live without Your presence

I can't live without Your presence

I will pursue...

32 Weeks

This morning I had my 32 week appointment. I can't believe I'm here already! So exciting! 

My blood pressure was where it normally is, around 116/68, and I now weigh 155 pounds. Her heartbeat was clear and easy to find, in the upper 140s. I am measuring at 33 centimeters. 

Dr. Sontag said that I've had such a great pregnancy, and that he is happy with everything. My only question/concern for him was that my allergies have been horrible and this allergy cough has lasted four weeks now. Come to find out, it is completely normal in the third trimester to experience worsening allergies. He was able to feel her and tell us what is where, which was really fun! Two weeks ago, she was nestled in horizontally across my belly, which is why I felt so many kicks and movements on my sides. But today, her head was down in the lower left part of my uterus, and her butt was in the upper right. So that means she has moved into a somewhat head down position!!!

Everyone keeps saying how small I look for being 32 weeks, but I'm not sure if I really am. I mean, I feel huge with this belly that I'm not used to and a bigger butt and thighs and boobs, but she is measuring perfectly. Maybe it's the way I'm carrying, because I have such a long torso. Or maybe I am small. All I know is that I'm praying to not have a nine pound baby, like I was. Seven pounds would be perfect - a little peanut! 

I'm feeling great, I've just noticed in the past week that I've been getting so tired so easily. Other than that, I feel wonderful. Pregnancy has been amazing, almost easy for me. I've never felt miserable, and I have to say, I love being pregnant.

My shower is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm so excited! It will be so wonderful to celebrate our sweet girl with the ones I love. 

Oh, and, Michael and I finished up our last prepared childbirth class Monday night. We've had a lot of fun in those classes, and we learned a lot. We ended the class with a tour of the hospital. It was so much fun - Sacred Heart is a beautiful facility, and stopping by the nursery to look at all the newborns was delightful! So, we finished class and received an official certificate of completion. Does that mean we are now certified to be parents???? Haha! Up next is a breastfeeding class and two newborn parenting classes....

God is good.

Be blessed and love to you all!

Randomness

I recently joined Pinterest, and I'm addicted. I love it!

I just looked down, and I think my belly grew over night. Or maybe it was the Five Guys burger and fries I just ate.

Lately, I'm having a really hard time with my daily time with God. I pray a lot throughout my day, but I'm finding it to be extremely difficult to have that time with Him, alone, immersed in His word.

My Boppy Cuddle pillow is a lifesaver at night. Except I think my husband feels a little replaced, or maybe more free because I'm not cuddling on top of him all night.

I have terrible insecurities about my female-friendship relationships.

My allergies have been horrible, awful, terrible. I've had a chest cough for the last four weeks that the doctor concluded is allergies. Is there any end in sight???

I am LOVING our prepared childbirth classes.

Making less money + cutting back + worrying about the financial future = money anxiety. 

I'm learning not to be a "yes girl." It is SO difficult - people pleasing seems to run through my veins.

I really, really, really miss my parents. Can you just come back to FL now?? Anytime!

Speaking of family, I look at pictures of my niece and nephews daily, and will admit, get teary. They are beautiful. And I miss them.

I'm getting so tired lately - I guess that's what happens near the end of a pregnancy!

NEAR THE END??? REALLY?? ALREADY????

We (actually, hubby) shampooed all of our carpets. They look amazing. Then our golden retriever decided to pee on them twice, out of rebellion - because she didn't want to go in her kennel. Anyone want a new dog??

I'm having a hard time picturing myself as a mommy. Obviously, I am so excited to step into that role, but what is it going to look like? I'm so ready.

I finally made the call and did it - cancelled cable television. It's a savings of $70 a month! And, I haven't missed it yet.

Hubby recently shared with me one of the sweetest things I think I have ever heard. He told me that he thought I am my most beautiful now - pregnant. Made my heart melt.  

I'm loving my job change - 2 days a week, and my pre-k kids are great, they can do so much musically!

Uh oh. My maternity pants and jeans are starting to feel tight. I'm loving the stretchy, comfy pants.

Keep praying. We prayed for two years for healing, two years for a miracle, two years for our little girl. Two years may seem long to you, short to you. It was incredibly long for us. But, we are living proof of His healing, His miracles.

I love the Milton Bakery. It rivals Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts.

Four Words - STARBUCKS PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE. Need I say more??

I LOVE shoes, specifically heels. I don't wear heels too often, but I love the way they make me feel when I wear them. Dillards has an incredible shoe section, just pricey!

Revival is not a program, mission, religion, method, or a certain period of time. Revival is a man, His name is Jesus. (thank you Jake Hamilton, for that reminder.)

We will be announcing our baby girl's name soon! Stay tuned!

Right now, I want: Anything from Panera Bread, a gyro from Goat Lips deli, Ichiban sushi, Lambert's Cafe, and boiled jumbo shrimp. I'm going to do my first attempt at a shrimp boil soon - red potatoes, shrimp, and sausage. mmmm.

The latest live worship album from Bethel is amazing. I so love and appreciate prophetic worship from the likes of Daniel Bashta, Jason Upton, Jesus Culture, Amick Cutler, Bethel, etc. We need more of this in our churches!!!!

I'm trying to decide what to do with my hair - do I keep highlighting it blonde or try a darker color - brown? Do I get a cut or just a trim? Hmmm, decisions, decisions.

I have been reading an incredible blog by my friend's sister. This is an amazing story about sextuplets that were here on this earth for a very short time, the one that remained who is a miracle, and how God works through tragedy. I encourage you to stop by her blog and read her story, from start to finish. They now celebrate the arrival of their new healthy baby boy this past week.

I am so sick of the eczema on my upper arms. Please go away. Now.

My baby shower is in less than three weeks. I am so excited! My dearest friends are throwing it for me. Did I mention I am excited???

Well, probably enough randomness for now! 

The Season of Singing

Seven years ago, I married my sweetheart, my beloved.

Another year has past. As I reflect back on the last twelve months, and read back over the year's posts, I realize what a year it has been...

There has been pain and heartache. There have been trials. There has been rejoicing. 

Our love has grown to a deeper place that I did not even know existed.  

"I am my beloved's and beloved is mine."

"Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. My beloved spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.'"

What an even more meaningful anniversary, for our love for each other is being fully expressed 

in our growing miracle.

The season of singing has come. 

My Growing Belly (Part Four)

I'm getting BIG!!!

 July 30

25 weeks

142 pounds

August 6

26 weeks

144 pounds

 August 13

27 weeks

146 pounds

August 20

28 weeks

148 pounds

August 27

29 Weeks

150 pounds

I suppose I should add a picture of my clothed belly, haha. 

This was at 27 weeks.

10 Things

A few of my favorite bloggers do regular posts called "10 Things" where they write about random things happening in their lives. So I am going to give it a whirl for my update this week!

1. I've had a good week with my pain management for my back. I started doing yoga everyday, and whenever I am sitting in the evenings with my feet up, I have my heating pad on my back. And it seems to really be helping. But most importantly, I know that so many people are lifting me up in prayer, and God is listening and at work.

2. Most people who know me know that I do not have a huge sweet tooth. I do enjoy a small dessert from time to time, but I've never been one that craves sweets. But literally, in the past week, I NEED sweets. In a matter of 24 hours, I ate 3 blueberry and 3 confetti Dunkin Donuts. That's a half a dozen full size donuts. Another day, I ate a huge bear claw from Panera, and the next day, a huge slice of frosted cookie from the Great American Cookie at the mall, oh and TCBY. Not to mention ice cream every night....oh dear.

3. Man was not made to be alone...hubby is getting home tonight from his second business trip in one month. At the end of July, he was in China for two weeks, and now he's coming home from being in San Antonio for the week. I made sure I had things to keep me busy this week while he was gone, like work, prepared childbirth class, ice cream with a friend, and running errands. But, I still really, really missed him. There's been a huge cockroach in our bathroom now for the past couple of days. I've just let him hang out in there, because there is no way I am going to try and kill it - they are so fast and give me the creeps. And plus, that is Michael's job! Thank God this is the last business trip for a long time.

4. I've been steadily gaining, on average, two pounds per week, for a total gain as of now of 28 pounds. They say you should gain one pound per week in pregnancy. I don't care. I was underweight before, and my doctor says I'm doing great. My butt can expand, my thighs increase, and my belly grow - it is all worth it. But can I be honest and say I really don't want the gain to happen in my face???

5. I did not meet my summer reading goal. At all. I read one of the books that I listed here. FAIL!

6. Living on a one income budget is painful. Especially when we've been used to two incomes for the past two years. PAINFUL. I can handle stress pretty well, but this is the one thing that brings me major stress. I've started back at work part time to help alleviate some of the financial stress, but my first paycheck will not come until September 30!!! An ENTIRE month! Come on people, I need to buy things like nursing bras and nipple cream and a baby swing! So, I'm learning what it means to REALLY cut back. But to be honest, it is very hard. I love shopping and I will admit, I am somewhat materialistic. There is always something I want, but really don't need. So, I have to ask God everyday and all day to help me prioritize and resist temptation. Whew! I could write a separate post about this...maybe I should.

7. There is a Starbucks drink that I LOVE - the Tazo Iced Passion Tea Lemonade. Mmmm, so refreshing. But I thought, "Hey, I bet I could make that!" So I bought the Tazo passion tea bags at a pretty cheap price and a gallon of lemonade. I'm going to try making it tomorrow.

8. Michael and I are celebrating our seventh, yes seventh, wedding anniversary this weekend! Time has flown by, yet I can't imagine our lives any other way. He is a blessing more than words could ever describe...I'm feeling a separate post on that is in the works.

9. While my parents have been away, we've been enjoying their two-seater convertible that we fondly call "Little Blue." We took it out of their garage and it now temporarily stays in ours! We cruise all over town in that thing, and love to stop in at Sonic for a treat. Our little dates in that car have been so much fun, as we realize that these are some of our last moments as just us. We're enjoying our quiet moments together, but are so looking forward to the fulfillment of our heart's longings and prayers...

10. God is moving. God is able. He is our healer. He hears our cry. He knows our heart. He is our helper. He is our provider. He is our peace. 

Third Trimester...Here We Come!!!

Ready or not, it's here! The third trimester!! I know I've said it time and time again, but I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going! To think that in 12 weeks or less we will be holding our sweet baby - it is just incredible!

We had our 28 week appointment today, and everything looks wonderful. I have gained 26 pounds as of today, and I honestly couldn't feel better. Baby girl was moving around so much that they had a hard time keeping the doppler on her heartbeat! She has been moving around more and more. It was hilarious, last night, we were sitting on the couch and my stomach was literally rippling like waves. My tummy is measuring at 27 cm, which is perfect! At this stage in pregnancy, I should be between 26 and 30 cm. So, I am happy to be on the smaller end of that. Nine and ten pound babies run in my family, but it looks like (hopefully, please) she won't be that big! My glucose tolerance test and other blood work came back completely normal. I am so thankful that I don't have to deal with gestational diabetes or anything like that! Also at our appointment, we had to watch a video on epidurals. Michael and I both feel that it will be the best way to manage the pain of labor and delivery, especially with my back being the way it is - we've put it in our birth plan. So, now I will see the doctor every two weeks, as I get further and further along.

  

I started back at work yesterday, and it was a lot of fun to be back. I'm really looking forward to a paycheck again, even if it is part time. Not being paid for the past 3 months has been quite the adjustment, and I've definitely made mistakes along the way. But hey, I am still learning! Many teachers and co-workers did not know that I was pregnant, so it was fun to show up and have my belly be a BIG surprise. They are all so excited for me! I hope to work as long as I can before baby comes, until I feel uncomfortable. And work has been so flexible and relaxed about it, telling me that I can leave and come back whenever I need to. 

Monday evening, we went to our first prepared childbirth class that they do at Sacred Heart. There were 8 other couples, and we actually really enjoyed ourselves. Being the planner and nerd that I am, I love to know everything that I can ahead of time and be educated. And I think it is really good for Michael - he said he learned a lot just out of the first class. There are seven classes total, so that will occupy our Monday evenings for the next several weeks. 

My grandmother couldn't attend my shower in Wisconsin, but she sent us a beautiful gift - the pack & play we registered for! It arrived on our doorstep last week, and Michael was able to put it together over the weekend. And I must say, it is the Cadillac of pack & plays. It has a bassinet and changing table that you can put on top, and it plays music and vibrates - it's awesome! We also decided to mount and try out our really cool video camera monitor. That thing is incredible. I can listen, watch, and talk to the baby all through the monitor. I can even pan the camera all over the baby room! Sweet!

I want to thank you for praying about my back pain that I wrote about in my previous post. Thankfully and incredibly, I had no pain last night and was able to get a good night's sleep. I definitely could feel the prayers from everyone, and I know that God eased my pain. So thank you. You are a blessing. And, it is an incredible blessing and feeling to know that when I ask for prayer, you, my dear ones, actually do it! 

I love you all.  

Prayers for Relief

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog post called "A Thorn In My Flesh" where I described a back injury that I have. This injury causes me to live in daily pain. 

And honestly, the last two nights have been horrendous when it comes to the pain. I've tossed and turned all night long, and I cannot get any relief. Then I am exhausted during the day and, I will admit, crabby.

It has been the worst pain that I have experienced since the accident. This morning, as I got up and got ready to go to work, the pain was so intense that I thought I was going to throw up. 

I know my body is going through a lot with the pregnancy, and I am definitely not one to complain about it. All of my bodily changes, slight aches and pains are totally worth it. But, the back pain has been so unbearable lately that I am just praying for some relief from it. I don't want the pain to steal an ounce of my joy. 

So, all of that to say, I am asking you to join me in prayer for some relief from the pain - that it will just go away. And if God chooses not to remove the pain, please pray that I can find purpose in it. Please continue to pray for our miracle, that she keeps growing and thriving, especially during these critical last 12 weeks! And pray for us as we prepare for her arrival - mentally, financially, and spiritually. 

"Thank you" just doesn't seem like enough for your prayers, but know that I am indeed incredibly thankful for all of you - you are sharing in our journey! I love and appreciate you all so much. 

The Man I Never Met

Michael has his eyes. Those beautiful, piercing eyes, that sing and dance when they light up.

I've been told that Michael has many of his characteristics and qualities - like father, like son.

I never had the privilege of actually meeting Michael's father, my father-in-law, 

but I feel like I know him.

Through his family and through my husband, I know him.

Through his legacy, I know him.

Through stories and glimpses in, I know him.

Is it possible to even feel his presence?

There are many storms in this life, many painful and heart-wrenching storms that leave our lives in ruin. Sometimes we hear God's voice in the storms; other times He is silent. Sometimes we are given reasons, explanations for the storms, and other times, we are given no answer. 

One of the most difficult, terrible, horrific storms that one can go through is watching your loved one experience a terminal illness, and that illness ultimately take his life. 

Here you have a loving Christ follower who had done great things for Jesus and he knew greater things were yet to come. But they were cut short by leukemia. 

He was in his mid thirties with two children in elementary school. 

I'm sure he prayed for healing. I'm sure his family begged God for healing. 

But healing in the way we wanted it never came. 

So young, so vibrant...

Why?

He received his ultimate healing in heaven, and now he is doing what God created us to do - worship forever at His feet. 

But there still is a family left here, without him. They had to go on. I don't think you ever "move" on from something like that, but they had to go on with life. You can follow the grief process steps and try to piece your life back together, but you know that things will never be the same. 

Nothing will ever replace your father, his legacy, the memories.

Throughout the past 24 years since he passed, Michael can see how his life has been molded, changed, and shaped because of his father. But through that storm, God has never given the Swift family a reason why he was taken. And they most likely will not be given a reason or understanding until we reach heaven and can fully understand God's redemptive purpose in it all. 

These are the moments where we just want to hear God's voice, and understand the plan and understand why. 

Even now, 24 years later!

And now, as we carry this child, our miracle, Michael's father's legacy will continue. Our children will know they have a grandfather who would want nothing more than to just hold them and love them. 

Is it possible that he knows his legacy is continuing through Michael and I?

Is it possible that he knows the love that Michael and I have for each other?

Is it possible that he will somehow be with us the moment she arrives and is placed in our arms as the rest of our families are able to meet her? 

Is it possible that I can love a father I never met, but feel like I know, and miss him? 

My Growing Belly (Part Three)

I'm (and she's) growing!!!!!

Over weeks 20-24, I had a major growth spurt, with a weight gain of 10 pounds! But, just in the past two weeks, I seemed to have slowed down in gaining weight, just as my doctor predicted. But baby is growing and growing, and my latest pictures show it! 

My belly feels so tight, and it is amazing to see how it can grow and stretch. Thankfully, I have no stretch marks (yet). I've been using a ton of Arbonne RE9 cream, which I love and recommend to everyone! 

She has been kicking like crazy, and also moving around. I can feel her shift and move from side to side, up and down. It's pretty fun and entertaining to watch my belly move in all sorts of ways! I love watching and feeling it. I am amazed every time! 

So, here is part three in the series "My Growing Belly."

20 weeks

June 25

132 pounds

 21 weeks

July 2

134 pounds

 July 9

22 weeks

137 pounds

July 16

23 weeks

140 pounds

July 23

24 weeks

142 pounds

(sorry, no picture! I was out of town!)

July 30

25 weeks

142 pounds